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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be utterly livid with this nurse and feel like weeping

117 replies

ClaudiaSchiffer · 13/09/2012 09:53

I took my daughters (7 & 5) to the local docs today for a flu vac, whilst sitting in with the nurse she turned to me and asked all sweetness like, "are you their granny?" "granny or mum?" "granny?" "mum???".

I'M 44 ffs.

Ok my hair has it's own natural highlights steel grey, but really, who mistakes a FORTY FOUR year old for the kids GRANDMA. (OK I know there are 44 yr old grandmas and I salute you but REALLY!).

I am devastated.

OP posts:

SparkyTGD · 13/09/2012 10:19

One of my friends has just become a gran, she's younger and much trendier than me (I'm not a gran but realise I could be), I don't think she probably meant to be insulting.

I also asked a neighbour once if his granddaughter was visiting (she's his daughter ) Note to self, don't make assumptions so easily

Original poster

ClaudiaSchiffer · 13/09/2012 10:19

I can never ever tell my husband this. He would laugh for days. In fact he would never let me forget it.

Glad I'm not the only one it's happened to, and OMG to the fat/pregnant thing. People are so rude.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 13/09/2012 10:20

Someone once asked my husbands ex wife if I was her daughter when we were all at a family function...

ShutTheFrontDoor · 13/09/2012 10:20

That is rude, and don't wish to kick you when you're down but grey hair is ageing. If it does bother you can't you whack a bit of colour on?
I remember seeing a photo of me when I hadn't kept on top of my highlights and I did look like a granny.
If it doesn't bother you then ignore me.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/09/2012 10:22

if you don't wish to kick her when she is down, then don't

Original poster

ClaudiaSchiffer · 13/09/2012 10:23

Shutthefrontdoor. I agree with you re the grey hair thing. I think I have just been in denial, and also was sort of attempting to make a kind of feminist statement (yawn) about beauty etc. But I have discovered today that I am a feeble feminist - or at least the sort who thinks highlights are actually fine and not a symptom of being crushed by the patriachy.

OP posts:

lubeybooby · 13/09/2012 10:23

The arrival of my DD made my mum a grandma when she was 31

A year younger than I am now

Aaarrgh. it's just unthinkable. My poor mum. No wonder she had a major crisis and set about pulling as many 20 yr old lads as possible in some effort to prove how young and ungranny like she was.

spiderlight · 13/09/2012 10:25

I wonder whether she's the same nurse who watched my 45-year-old bearded DH and 5-year-old son leaving the hospital when I was in last year and then came over to say how nice it was that my 'daughter and grand-daughter' had stayed for so long. I was 39 at the time - admittedly not looking my best, having been rushed in as an emergency, but still! She was mortified when I (nicely) put her straight :o

pictish · 13/09/2012 10:26

You know...the best way to approach it would be to say 'So you're...mum, I assume?'
Then granny can say nay.

heidipi · 13/09/2012 10:27

About 5 years ago I went into a second hand car showroom and a salesman asked if I was looking for something for my son or daughter. I was 38 and had no kids, so shouldn't even have looked tired!

Of course I'd had time to have a 17 year old, before anyone points that out, but what a random thing to ask and what an easy way to ruin someone's day! Tosser.

Ilovedaintynuts · 13/09/2012 10:27

Agree with the previous poster. Letting your hair grey naturally is ageing (rightly or wrongly). As most people start to go grey in their late 40's its not a stretch to think you might be the granny.

I think in can look lovely BTW, but is doesn't scream youthfulness. Sorry...

WorraLiberty · 13/09/2012 10:30

It's probably likely that she needed confirmation you were the kid's parent before going ahead with the jabs...but all she needed to say was "Are you their Mum?"

Grey hair is ageing though and if people choose not to dye it, it's something they have to accept really.

Squeaky ouch! ouch! ouch! Go on, admit it made you feel great

ShutTheFrontDoor · 13/09/2012 10:31

I know fanjo luckily Claudia didn't take offence. (Phew)
I was once called a granny but it was by some 16 year old little upstart in the Apple store so tried not to take too much offence.
Claudia, what did you say to her?
Tbh when I see women in their 40s who have grey hair I do think, "ooh how brave" and then I wonder why they don't colour it . Yes I'm shallow

pictish · 13/09/2012 10:31

claudia I had a wee set to with some barmy on here recently, that was trying to tell me that in dying my hair, I was being crushed by the patriachy.

Ugh what a woman - couldn't accept that I am allowed to be vain, just because I am and I can be. I dye my hair - I'm 37 and mostly grey, and feel much more comfortable with pillar box red hair.

I don't do it to please society or the menz. It's all about ME.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/09/2012 10:33

sorry ShutTheFrontDoor, I was a bit narky there

redwineformethanks · 13/09/2012 10:37

I like your photos OP

Nurse was insensitive, probably just meant to be chatty

RuleBritannia · 13/09/2012 10:38

Why couldn't the nurse have asked the children, "Who have you brought with you today?"

Ilovedaintynuts · 13/09/2012 10:39

I had a rude awakening recently. I was interviewing and one of the candidates, I noticed, was born the same month as me. I recently turned 40. So I made a comment to put them at their ease "it looks like you and I were born the same month"

The two other people on the interview panel either side of me both said "NO!" and turned their heads quickly to look at me...followed by a 10 second uncomfortable silence when I said "okay so now I know how old I clearly look!".

I know I look rough, 3 stone overweight, 4 years of sleep deprivation, 2 youngest babies back to back, but still

I gave her the job. Because apparently you're not allowed to discriminate based on youthfulness. Bitch.

Chrysanthemum5 · 13/09/2012 10:39

I had this when I was 40. I was out with DS (then aged 4) and DD (1 at the time), and we had stopped at Sainsburys to get a few things. The till assistant was tallking to DS, and asked if he was helping Mummy pack the bags. Then she said 'or maybe it's Granny, it's hard to tell"!

Fortunately I'm faily confident about how I look so I didn't take it to heart!

greenhill · 13/09/2012 10:42

I'm 41 and some of my school friends are grandparents, their GC are as old as my DC .

I'd always err on the side of caution/ good manners and would use the neutral "are you mum?". That way no-one is offended and you'd also get the next-of-kin info you were seeking anyway.

Yesterday, at the crossing by the school gates, I asked two children to wait for their mum rather than cross with me. The two women were 10 feet behind and giggled, the children corrected me and said "nan" in a shocked tone, that made us all laugh

ShutTheFrontDoor · 13/09/2012 10:43

It's ok fanjo I didn't think you were cos you winked. But cheers for the flowers.

whatsthatnoise · 13/09/2012 10:44

When I was 18 a work colleague of mine asked my cousin if she was my mum, she was only 23

I try to always assume mum then let the person tell me different. Although my sil never corrects people when they assume my daughter is hers even when I'm there

Evasmum12 · 13/09/2012 10:46

squeaky!!! Are you my mum? I was just about to post the same thing!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/09/2012 10:47

ShutThe,, yes I was being a bit pretend narky but still, i should have kept big mouth shut

Iteotwawki · 13/09/2012 10:48

I once asked a patient if her mother had accompanied her to surgery. "No," she said (fairly grumpily), "she is my wife."

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

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