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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I love nature but wtf

123 replies

JeuxDEnfants · 12/09/2012 21:19

I am sitting outside undercover enjoying the rain and messing about on mn. Suddenly, it rains really hard... I'm still messing about on mn. Then I feel a wetness on my hairline and wipe it away. Two minutes later, when it's not raining anymore, it feels really cold and wet...
I wipe it away and it's a fecking slug. I love nature but that slug was pushing it! I feel violated!

Reminds me of the time I put a jumper on to find a big hairy spider looking at me, perched comfortably on my chest...

Yesterday I found a really large bug under my pillow. My house is covered in spiders and my cat keeps bringing mice in who like to hide under the fidge.

What are your worst stories about nature?

OP posts:
deste · 13/09/2012 16:39

Last year my DD was wearing her on trend long summer dress. She felt something on her leg but ignored it until it climbed on to her hair. It was a huge cockroach. She has refused ever since to wear a long dress on holiday.

onemoreforgoodmeasure · 13/09/2012 16:42

I once approached the door to this shared house and a flying roach was on the lock. I went back to my car where for some reason I had a can of air freshner and took this back to the door, sprayed the roach, it flew straight at me, I ducked, it grazed my hair leaving me disgusted but smelling of lavendar.

smoothieooo · 13/09/2012 16:46

STBEx-H had a motorbike accident on his way home from work. Not too bad thankfully just some broken bones in his hand and a totalled m/b. He managed to get home and the first thing he did was phone the insurance company - but it took at least 30 minutes to get through. The second the phone was answered, a wasp (which must have been in his shirt since the accident) stung him on the chest. Apparently it hurt like buggery but all he could do was let out a feeble 'ow' as he didn't want to risk losing his connnection with the insurers!

caramelsmadfuzzytail · 13/09/2012 16:59

My gran found a caterpillar in her salad and put it on the side of her plate, when she finished it had gone- no idea whether she ate it or not. She also lived in an old house, it was alive with spiders, she got so used to them using her as a footpath she slept through it.

My Mum had a mouse wander over the back of her head when she was in bed one night and found a dead mouse using her coat belt as a hammock another time.

The last time I got stung by a wasp I was walking down a road and had a tickle between my fingers, I rubbed my fingers together and was promptly stung, I still have a scar on my finger from it.

I had a cat once that was a prolific bird and mouse catcher, she left a bird under my bed 3 times one summer, cue horrible smell. I learnt after the third time to always check under my bed, I also caught a mouse in a humane trap and forgot about it, poor mouse was dead when eventually rediscovered it.

I've had frog brought in the house with various cats, the last time I was woken by one screaming at 2 am, I saved it and put it back in my pond.

I went to a burger king when I was pregnant, the chips had a fried moth in them, put me right off it did.

I have also had a rat in my piano and a weasel under my bed.

We had a baby rat terrified in our front room once, my sister screamed and stuck her feet on her chair, muggins had to pick the rat up by its tail and run down to the bottom of the garden and let it go, the cat brought it back in dead an hour later.

Beamur · 13/09/2012 17:34

My PIL had a baby jackdaw fall down their chimney, luckily the stove wasn't lit, but you could see it flapping about in there! They opened the windows then the stove and it bashed about a bit, but managed to fly out the window.
Just thought of another bird one - my ex-B was half way through decorating his attic bedroom and was going to show me his progress, he'd left the velux window open so the paint could dry. We went in and surprised a juvenile Barn Owl who obviously thought he'd found a swanky new pad!

WineGoggles · 13/09/2012 20:11

I once lived in a flat where I used to wake in the morning covered in itchy lumps. I had no idea what it was so went to the doctor who (wrongly) diagnosed scabies (cue having to cover myself entirely in lotion for 2 days and not shower), but one night as I was sitting up reading in bed a beetle walked across the duvet. When I looked it up in my book it said it was a bed bug. Thankfully the council came out and dealt with the infestation, but it makes me shudder even now thinking about being eaten alive in the night by lots of these things.

Another time I was eating a nice thick sausage when I noticed a dark lump under the skin. Thankfully I was cautious and investigated rather than just eat it as it turned out to be a big bluebottle fly.

cheekybarsteward · 13/09/2012 23:49

I have just removed large slug from middle of lounge floor. Our lounge is on the first floor so it is official that slugs have wings...eughh, image that?

FuriousRox · 14/09/2012 07:18

On holiday in the Pyrenees my dh suddenly started spasming and thrashing in the middle of the night. I thought he was having a horrible seizure especially when he started madly banging his head with his hand. Then all was quiet. Then it suddenly started again. He said there was something trying to burrow into his head through his ear. He was in a terrible state. Eventually after more banging and thrashing, a spider fell out of his ear. Urghghgh. Shudder. Moved hotel the next night - irrational but had to be done.
Now when he tells people the story they say oh you should have poured warm olive oil into your ear - like we'd have some just sitting by the side of the bed in case or arachnid invasion. D'oh.

BenjiAndTheTigers · 14/09/2012 07:31

Love this thread. Am used to people saying "Don't go to OZ, there's too many creepy crawlies"

Sounds as though there are just as many in the UK. Grin

MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain · 14/09/2012 08:17

My mum once served up boiled spider to SIL. It was in some broccoli. It's legs were sticking up. She politely just moved it aside and carried on eating. I couldn't, just couldn't .

Have pet roaches and giant snails, but at least with these I know where they are and they crawl on me on my terms! Grin

JessieMcJessie · 14/09/2012 10:06

I once got into my bed and felt a sharp pain on my arse - thought I had dropped an earring or a safety pin or something but when I pulled back the covers I found a half dead wasp that has stung me in its death throes. Though actually the pain wasn't too bad and since them I've been less scared of wasps because I know that a sting wouldn't be as bad as I had previously feared.

Worst ever was my Dad and I clearing out the rabbit run after the last bunny popped her clogs- there was a wooden platform under the hitch and when we prised it up we found a NEST of slugs living under there - must have been at least 50. We both legged it up the garden. My Dad got a bag of salt and once we had recovered we watched them shrivel up and melt like the Wicked Witch of the West.

TheGOLDCunnyFunt · 14/09/2012 12:44

Nature VS nature story. There is a massive spider living in our garage, she doesn't bother us so we don't bother her. DP went in the garage a while ago and there she was, sat in the middle of the floor eating her dinner. It was a worm. A whole worm. The spider was eating the worm. Like a really thick piece of spaghetti.

soorploom · 14/09/2012 13:03

was visiting brother and his twin boys. they came running in from the garden stood in front of us and opened their mouths. inside were woodlouse running around. geegs. apparantly it was their favourite game of the moment to get as many in without swallowing yuch Grin

B52s · 14/09/2012 13:44

Got bitten on the fanjo by a ladybird.

cheekybarsteward · 14/09/2012 13:53

Grin B52 ..sorry. I have stopped sleeping nekked on holiday as I have been bitten on fanjo twice by mossies :(

CleoSmackYa · 14/09/2012 14:15

I was at my boyfriends, and alone in the living room, him and my daughter were in the garden. I heard noise coming from the chimney, and went to have a look (why??!), when a massive, giant, monstrous bird flew out of it, followed by masses of soot. I screamed, it hit me, then the ceiling, then landed on the light, where it did a shit. EVERYTHING was covered in soot. My boyfriend and my daughter came running and just laughed at me, no sympathy. The bastard bird was only a Starling. Only. The reason I wasn't in the garden with thme is because nature scares a bit. Stupid nature.

RuleBritannia · 14/09/2012 14:16

My XH and I were asleep some years ago and were woken in the night by a noise. A bat had flown in through the bedroom window and was trapped by the net curtain so was flapping about. X would do nothing about it, probably cowering under the blankets, so I caught it and investigatedidentified it as a pipistrelle. I thought it was rather pretty so put it out of the window again.

PretzelTime · 14/09/2012 15:38

Aaw bats are kind of cute...! I think you were lucky to see one.

B52...it sounds like an epic story. Please tell us more.

RubixCube · 14/09/2012 16:22

A few months back i awoke in the night as something had lodged in my throat and i was choking.I realised it was a spider as i could feel its legs move.Yuck! I sleep with my mouth open.I really wish i didn't

onemoreforgoodmeasure · 15/09/2012 08:09

Thegold, I did not know that was possible! Shock

HiHowAreYou · 15/09/2012 09:12

Woke up on holiday to find that something had bitten me all down my arm. It was interesting, because you could see it had found blood and followed it down, so I had lots of bites all in a line, right down a vein.

DH had the same. On his cock.

VisionaryGoat · 15/09/2012 10:14

Fecking cats have a lot to answer for.

I left the back door open and unattended for less than a minute once and Evil cat nipped in with a snake. DH is not fond of snakes and tends to react with girlish screams when encountering one, so to have the cat cheerfully advancing on him with almost a foot and a half of live snake flapping out of each side of her gob did not enchant him much. I can't say I was charmed either as I was the one who had to manage a snake extraction with the aid of a broom and the fireplace poker while DH cowered in our bedroom.

On another occasion it was DH who foolishly left the back door open for a moment, only on that occasion Evil cat nipped in with a bird... which naturally she released to fly frantically around the lounge and then fucked off out again probably pleased to have brought a bit of excitement to her humans. So DH and I had lots of to-and-fro and "Its going your way!" and "Get it!" when Stupid cat turned up just as the bird went under the sofa. "Ohhh," said DH, clearly optimistically thinking Stupid cat might now have a chance to catch something besides her own tail for once. "Look kitty cat, a bird!" and hefted up the end of the sofa to show her. Stupid cat mooched over and sat down under the (very heavy) sofa to inspect the bird for a moment (as DHs arms trembled) before deciding that her dinner dish was far more interesting than the bird. So DH and I had to run around to catch the poor bird while Stupid cat ate her dinner and watched gormlessly.

We had a moth with a 6 inch wing span dive bombing me and my reading lamp last week too, which freaked me out massively as I find moths a bit creepy altogether anyway, let alone when they are huge... Evil cat brought that in too and I thought it was a bird at first it was so big and solid looking!

We have a glass patio door which the cats tend to come to for entry to the house. The outside light is not very powerful there, so they are a bit shadowy though still clearly visible when they sit out there. One night I got up to let Stupid cat in and was just saying to her that I had her dinner ready for her and was about to usher her inside when I realised it wasn't Stupid cat at all! It was actually a rather startled Opossum who had been passing by! In my defense Stupid cat does have very similar colouring to an Opossum and makes similar hissy noises. DH still laughs hysterically about the time I invited a possum in for dinner though and often refers to Stupid cat as his little possum Grin

And one which isn't a cats fault... we rented a property to some tenants who proved not to be very houseproud. When we evicted them we discovered the true extent of their cleanliness problem. DH opened the door of the house to go in and was showered with masses of cockroaches which had been sitting on top of the door, the whole place was a crawling mass of the disgusting things. I didn't think DH was ever going to stop showering after that

dysfunctionalme · 15/09/2012 10:19

I trod on a mouse in the garage and squished it in half

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