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Original poster

I love nature but wtf

123 replies

JeuxDEnfants · 12/09/2012 21:19

I am sitting outside undercover enjoying the rain and messing about on mn. Suddenly, it rains really hard... I'm still messing about on mn. Then I feel a wetness on my hairline and wipe it away. Two minutes later, when it's not raining anymore, it feels really cold and wet...
I wipe it away and it's a fecking slug. I love nature but that slug was pushing it! I feel violated!

Reminds me of the time I put a jumper on to find a big hairy spider looking at me, perched comfortably on my chest...

Yesterday I found a really large bug under my pillow. My house is covered in spiders and my cat keeps bringing mice in who like to hide under the fidge.

What are your worst stories about nature?

OP posts:
PretzelTime · 12/09/2012 22:44

Ugh QuintessentialShadows I don't want to believe you! You just made that up for this thread didn't you!!

procrastinor · 12/09/2012 22:46

Staying at a friend's place that had a really old cottagey annex. Another friend was scared of spiders but I convinced her that the noise of us bunch of drunken students would scare the spiders away.

Cue me waking up in the morning covered in bites. Showed them to friend's mom (as i was dying from itch) who explained that there were spider bites. We counted 40 odd bites. Including two on my bum. Spent the whole day downing antihistamines in secret as didn't want to scare arachnophobia friend.

But I'm a massive softie at heart. My mom got called to come collect me from nursery as I bawled my eyes out when some other kids found an ant nest and were stepping on them.

SummerRain · 12/09/2012 22:47

Fucker Hmm you'd think my phone would know me better by now

QuintessentialShadows · 12/09/2012 22:48

No, I posted about it even, last august. Not made up at all.

hugandroll · 12/09/2012 22:50

When I lived at home I used to work late nights in a hotel residents bar. I got home at around 4am the one day and went to the loo. Felt something hit my bum and heard a splash, lept up and screamed. Parents ran in to see a frog swimming in the toilet bowl. My parents have a pond in the garden that houses frogs, must have climbed up the sewage pipe.

As an aside, my sister used to think frogs have teeth.

finduspancakes · 12/09/2012 23:00

FFS, why are all these threads at night?! I spend forever scanning the walls before bed.

LivingInAGoldBubble · 12/09/2012 23:04

This www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1346161-Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh-I-have-LITERALLY-twatted-a-spider-to-death was the spider story discussed earlier!

Matesnotdates · 12/09/2012 23:04

Does anyone remember the ladybird plague in the 70s? Crunch crunch crunch.

Dh was driving once and I looked over at him - he had the biggest spider in the middle of his forehead. just sitting there it was, like Alien. I didn't scream as I was scared we'd crash, I just pointed and mouthed ineptly.

NamesKerry · 12/09/2012 23:29

I'm laying in bed reading all these posts with the window open... To terrified to move for fear of disturbing something that may have jumped/hopped/crawled/flown in. I need a wee!

randomfemale · 12/09/2012 23:38

Trod on half a dead mouse stategically placed outside the bathroom door by the cat - bare feet and the sensation of it's guts squelching up between by bare toes makes me feel slightly sick over 30 years later {vom}

whethergirl · 12/09/2012 23:46

Went to a hippy camping festival when ds was 3. Was sitting in the sun thinking how lovely it was to see ds running around with a load of hippy kids...hang on...what's he eating? Went over to find he had mouth FULL of horse shit.

Another time, another festival, no ds, walking back to my tent, drunk. Saw a can of beer on the ground and thought my luck was in, picked it up to find it was covered in shit. I think someone had actually used it to wipe their arse.

mum4041 · 12/09/2012 23:47

There was a story on the news today about somebody finding a live frog in their bag of lettuce. That put me right off.

mysaladdays · 12/09/2012 23:50

I am crying with laughter!

Unfort I have my own story. A couple of yrs ago dh and I were newly weds enjoying our honeymoon travelling across central America. We were on an island and went out for a romantic meal at a restaurant with seating area on stilts out into the sea. I had very long hair at the time. We finished our meal, paid and left. We walked straight back to our apartment in this little complex, didn't stop for a drink or anything, took us about 20 mins. It was very humid, so when, as we walked in and shut the door, I felt a bit of sweaty hair slide from the back of my neck round to the front, I just went to brush it away.

it was a bloody enormous cockroach

It had been camping out in my hair at the back of my neck since the restaurant! It lept onto my hand, I flung it across the room, screaming hysterically. Still screaming, I flung every bit of clothing off me- shoes, underwear, the lot went flying off around the room and I proceeded to run around the room, naked and screaming and pulling my hair in front of new and bewildered husband.

It was so big he couldn't find a glass big enough to catch it. Against my wishes, he tried flushed it down the loo. Several hours later he went to use the loo and let out a high pitched yelp. There it was, scrabbling around the toilet bowl like Mumm-ra the ever living. Eugh!

mysaladdays · 12/09/2012 23:58

Oh, and one more:

My brother-in-law, a normally robust character, has a real phobia of wasps. Just goes pale and sweaty whenever he sees one. Never understood why it was so bad until dh explained. Seems when they were about 11 or 12, a wasp managed to fly into his shorts. They were swimming type ones and it got stuck in the netting bit, so repeatedly stung him on the testicles Shock. Now, I guess that would account for his phobia.....

Btw- fox poo on the dog, hilarious!!

Noqontrol · 13/09/2012 00:04

I remember stopping at a service station restaurant once and tucking into a nice plate of egg and chips. I had just pronged a big fat chip on to my fork when a wasp starting dive bombing me for my dinner. Vicious bastard. I waved my fork at the wasp to try to get it to retreat, and the chip flew off my fork, sailed across the restaurant and landed, plop, straight into another customers dinner plate.

Luckily he saw the funny side of it.

(I hate wasps. Nasty vicious stripy things)

NoMoreNotNever · 13/09/2012 00:14

Spiders. I have the fat-legged variety in my house at present, and this evening (not for the first time) one of them has spotted me, charged across the carpet towards me, and launched itself at my knees. I'm the big one - they're supposed to run [cries]

OnlyNiceSwearing · 13/09/2012 00:23

mysaladdays I was just going to post a cockroach in the hair story! They love it in there. Same thing happened to my DM in an open air swimming pool in China. We swam a couple of lengths and she put her hand up to adjust what she thought was her hair clip, mahoosive cockroach! I could see it but couldn't speak as was so horrified Grin

FurCoatSkimpyKnickers · 13/09/2012 00:45

Please, no more talk of cockers!

justbreathe · 13/09/2012 14:34

we put a stray dog which had been wondering round lost into our car ready to take it to the animal sanctuary. we then went off and did the shopping when we came back to the car the dog got super aggressive and wouldn't let us in and had also shat all over the seats !

CherryBlossom27 · 13/09/2012 14:43

Brilliant thread I've been laughing out loud to myself :o

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 13/09/2012 15:00

Was at a BBQ a couple of years back and about to bite into a burger. Suddenly thought: mayo? Didn't put mayo on this.

Realised a bird had shat on it while my attention was elsewhere. It was right on the edge so it looked like mayo oozing out. Twat bird, although maybe I should be applauding its aim and natural timing.

Bet you all thought I was going to recycle the KFC mayo urban legend.

ElephantsOlympianParty · 13/09/2012 15:08

I found a maggoty thing in my bed a few months ago! Assume the cat brought it in. The problem is, if I have nighmares they tend to be about my bed being full of bugs, so actually finding one there hasn't helped!

cheekybarsteward · 13/09/2012 15:39

As my legs need shaving the spiders seem to be using them as a ladder to crawl up my legs...soooo anyway, this morning went to toilet (tmi, alert), wiped myself, checked paper to make sure it was clean, and it was full of spiders legs! I have arachno arse!

eurochick · 13/09/2012 16:01

ARGH!

onemoreforgoodmeasure · 13/09/2012 16:24

Noqontrol that's hilarious!

I have too many bug stories but this one is an old favourite.

Scene: I once lived in a place with giant flying roaches, in a massive old shared house of volnteers of all ages, some of whom were quite religious (although I was not). My bedroom was an add on that I could only access by going through this other person's bedroom.

Event: I was quite young and prone to staying up late and sneaking in quietly long after he (an older man) had gone to bed. I was wearing a far too big hoodie and the sleeves came down over my hands. I reached out to close his bedroom door behind me when I grasped a handful of roach. I freaked but knew I could neither scream nor risk taking the roach into my room so I just silently jumped up and down while tearing off my clothing. He woke to a vision of a mad silent lady jumping up and down and he hit the floor and began praying!!!!! I was so embarrassed.