To ask what you do as a Sahm

[Alligatorpie]

i am adjusting to being a sahm. My dd is 3 months old, but was born overseas and we have recently returned home. I am struggling to balance what I should be doing, and not feel so lazy all the time.

Dd is a great sleeper and naps for at least 2 hours in the morning and afternoon, so I have lots of time on my hands. I live in a country where I don't speak the language, so have a fairly small social circle. My point is, I have a lot of free time, which I am not using so productively.

So I usually wake up, get dd1 (6) ready for school (pack lunch, check schoolbag, get breakfast...) DH and her go to school at 7, and are home by 4 (he teaches in her school)

After they leave, I wash the breakfast dishes, do laundry, hang clothes outside, put dry clothes away (mine and dd's - dh does his own) bath the baby, workout - (not a chore, I know), do a general tidy, go to the market if we need something... And I think that is it. Dh likes cooking, so does all the cooking, I set the table and clear up or do bath time for dd1 - usually bath time. But this has not changed since I was working.

We have a cleaner once a week, so she does all the big cleaning, I try to stimulate dd, we go to a baby group, I sing to her, we read, play, but she is 3 months old and a very easy baby. We go for coffee or swimming with friends, but it is too hot to go walking these days, so we spend a lot of time inside. Her sleeping, me on the Internet. OK sometimes I nap.

What else should I be doing? What do you do? Dd1 didn't sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time, so I never got anything done. Now I can't fill my days.

Sorry, that was long... To much time on my hands!

Get rid of your cleaner?

'Laziness' does not feature on my radar.

Start cooking/baking and get rid of cleaner and perhaps the extra couple of mins to put DH clothes away will fill that gap. Perhaps start a job from home. What did you do before? Oh and go out more hot or not !!!

Yes perhaps get rid of the cleaner? You have time to do it yourself, and perhaps you could use the spare cash to do a course of some kind? Don't know if you can do Open University abroad or not, but maybe look into it?

( or you could just spend all your time on MN like I do )

Well, what I do is spend all day chasing my tail, but quite frankly if I had a cleaner and had done my daily chores, I would do whatever I liked. Read a book or do whatever you enjoy while our baby naps. Presumably as she gets older she will take up more of your time and attention so I'd just enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasts.

Well I'm a SAHM, and in your situation in addition to the things which you already do, I would be

Dealing with paperwork and general household admin
Reading books
Learning to cook new recipes
Having a bath in peace
Sleeping

I have a 4-year old who has just started school and a totally full on 18 month old. My husband is out of the house 6am to gone 6pm, so I do mornings, school run, school pick up, after school activities, all school related tasks and admin plus cooking the evening meal which means that when I do get a chance I am very glad of a sit down!

Make the most of it, your baby won't always nap this much.

No don't get rid of the cleaner unless you want to.assuming you can afford her.

Why don't you do an online course or join some local ex pat groups? You will need some adult compnay, it's not good to stay inside all day. Or find a gym or sports club with a crèche and join, rather than just working out at home?

Don't get rid of the cleaner, cleaning is dull. Do something else instead.

In all honesty, i don't do a lot. I keep on top of the housework, go on MN, read books.

SHe may not be able to get rid of the cleaner, depending on the country. Colleague of mine went to work in an international school and his wife was desperate not to have the cleaner as she'd have nothing to do. The school told her they had to keep the cleaner employed or she wouldn't be able to feed her family.

I imagine it could be really tough to be in a foreign country with no structured way of spending your time.

Could you get involved in some local charity work?

Take language classes so you are not so isolated?

Sounds great to me! You'll probably find you need the down time once baby is active and on the move
If you get rid of the cleaner, can you send them over to me

It sounds like you do plenty. I just do my household jobs, walk the dog, cook and have an hour to myself in the afternoon.

Do you have any hobbies that you do while your DD naps.

If I were you I would just enjoy the time you have to yourself at the moment as the long naps won't last and then you'll have plenty to do more when your DD is a toddler.

Would you like to learn the language of the country you're living in?

I am a sahm. My dc are at school. I have a cleaner.

The answer to your op is

'whatever the fuck I want'

Oh God, do not get rid of the cleaner!

How about learning the language? Taking up a hobby? Cooking?

Don't get rid of your cleaner FFS!! You find yourself in an enviable position of having a "good" baby that sleeps well, why would you want to spend that precious time (she wont nap in the day forever) doing cleaning if you don't have to. What do you do with those spare hours?? ANYTHING YOU WANT TO! Just make the most of the time - read a book, do some baking, do an open university dergree - whatever floats yer boat. Don't feel you SHOULD be doing something and please don't feel you need to do more housework!

OP very, very soon your baby will not sleep this much or worse will hit the 4 month sleep regression and not sleep at all. So just rest, read a book and enjoy it while it lasts, Which really won't be long.

i have no suggestions only to add I want your life (just for a week though ... would getg bored).

i've learnt to build decent websites with wordpress, be a treasurer of a voluntary organisation and helped out at schools a lot. if i had the fees, i'd be studying as well, as it is am keeping busy doing about 2 job apps a day as ell

Agree with Pag. Do whatever you like.
I am a SAHM and I have a cleaner. She even irons for me. I love her. I feel no guilt whatsoever for having her.

can i ask though those sahms that do have cleaners what do ye do when the cleaner is there?

I know it's not always easy in certain countries as an ex-pat because hiring a cleaner provides local employment so I'd keep your cleaner.
Is there anything you could do from home such as offer English conversation lessons to someone which you could do while baby naps? I do some work from home (all web based) for a friend's company which brings in a bit of income while babies sleep.
It sounds to me like you're making the best of your time with your baby but not really doing enough to stimulate your own intellect.
What about every day going off somewhere with buggy packed for the day and discovering your new environment? Visit a temple (?!) museum etc. You could even work through the alphabet to give it structure as in, Day 1 do something starting with 'A' etc.
You might need to be a bit careful as boredom can quickly turn to low mood and so the spiral continues downwards- sorry don't mean to be glum!
Get to know other mums and go round their houses. Doesn't matter if they're not as good as your old mates; you need the social company and structure to your day.
Let us know how you go