To ask what you do as a Sahm

[Alligatorpie]

i am adjusting to being a sahm. My dd is 3 months old, but was born overseas and we have recently returned home. I am struggling to balance what I should be doing, and not feel so lazy all the time.

Dd is a great sleeper and naps for at least 2 hours in the morning and afternoon, so I have lots of time on my hands. I live in a country where I don't speak the language, so have a fairly small social circle. My point is, I have a lot of free time, which I am not using so productively.

So I usually wake up, get dd1 (6) ready for school (pack lunch, check schoolbag, get breakfast...) DH and her go to school at 7, and are home by 4 (he teaches in her school)

After they leave, I wash the breakfast dishes, do laundry, hang clothes outside, put dry clothes away (mine and dd's - dh does his own) bath the baby, workout - (not a chore, I know), do a general tidy, go to the market if we need something... And I think that is it. Dh likes cooking, so does all the cooking, I set the table and clear up or do bath time for dd1 - usually bath time. But this has not changed since I was working.

We have a cleaner once a week, so she does all the big cleaning, I try to stimulate dd, we go to a baby group, I sing to her, we read, play, but she is 3 months old and a very easy baby. We go for coffee or swimming with friends, but it is too hot to go walking these days, so we spend a lot of time inside. Her sleeping, me on the Internet. OK sometimes I nap.

What else should I be doing? What do you do? Dd1 didn't sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time, so I never got anything done. Now I can't fill my days.

I'm a SAHM of 3 children aged 6, 4 and 20 months. This morning I dressed the youngest 2, nagged the eldest, off to school. Went to baby group with youngest. Dashed across town to pick up middle one from school. Waited for bus that would let me on with middle ones wheelchair (40 mins). Came home, made lunch for me and youngest 2. Am now mning while eating lunch. I will try and squeeze in an hour of housework before setting off to pick up eldest from school at 2:30. I will get home at 4:00 hopefully and then I will have 30 mins before starting the childrens tea. Youngest needs feeding still unless it's finger food so I'll do that and then it's bath, bed and stories. Then I make tea for me and DH and fall onto the sofa in an exhausted heap. I thought that's similar to what most people do.

Learn a language, Open University course, voluntary work. Good sleepers don't always stay that way, so don't take on too much.

Thanks for all the replies.

The gym here (only one) doesn't have a crèche, and they won't let me bring the stroller in, so for now it is easier to work out at home.
No one except me eats any baking, so I won't do it. I have some baby weight left to lose.
I don't like cleaning, and we can afford it, so I am keeping our cleaner.

I am a teacher and have been working on a special Ed diploma, I was hesitant to take a course until getting back here, But I think I will look into that. We do get out every day, and once the temp drops below 30c, we will be power walking or running daily. I have joined an expat group, but a lot of people in it work and I want to spend after school time with dd1.

Scuzy
Whatever I was doing before they arrived.

Agree about learning the language. I think it is sometimes hard as a SAHM to know what to do with your time, not because there aren't enough jobs to do, but because you have to be very self motivated to do them all, to see your life as a SAHM just like a job and organise and prioritise your tasks.

At the moment I have a ton of paper organising/admin to do, but it is hard to motivate myself.

I ahree with other posters thatnat this point you can enjoy some rest time, it will get harder with the baby, and don't get rid of the cleaner unless you find cleaning rewarding.

Scuzy I usually go out. Take the dc to feed ducks or somesuch.

What Pag said.

Scuzy - I actually feel quite awkward if I am lazing about while the cleaners vacuum around me, so I tend to plan something industrious for while they are here, or go out. I know, it's mad.

Craving- I love your alphabet idea! Thank you!

Enjoy it while it lasts - it won't!

no adieucalione thats exactly how i'd feel or as another poster said go out with the kids. i couldnt sit there and watch. feel like a right lazy git!

Scuzy - i am starting one afternoon every two weeks in dd's class, so when the cleaner is here, I do curriculum development, or read a book, play with baby...

I guess that makes me look lazy in front of the cleaner...but she is new, maybe I ail start going out more.

God we have such issues don't we?

Having to go out so the cleaner doesn't think we are lazy.

Have a little snooze
Inspect moles for cancer
Sigh
Look at websites
Read
Pluck my eyebrows, paint nails, pick nose

Enjoy myself without guilt or feeling I should be doing anything

I've just returned to the UK after 10 yrs abroad and my biggest regret is that I didn't do a TEFL ( Teaching English as a Foreign Language) course when first away - I had a full time maid and could easily have done it, but it always seemed too difficult while the DCs were little. Subsequent postings would have been much more rewarding with a portable skill like that, and as you're already a qualified teacher you could possibly skip large chunks of the course.

As it is, I have spent the last 10 years sitting on my arse being an expat princess - it was fab - and I have now come back down to earth with a wallop.

Don't get rid of the cleaner!

Write long letters to your friends and family back home (and keep copies, as a diary that you will be able to show to your children when they are older)

(or blog, but letters are more personal, and unless you are unusual no one but your friends will read your blog so you might as well tailor the news and photos to your friends)

Paint a mural on the dc's wall

Paint them a blackboard wall and get some chalks and start off some drawings for them

Learn the local language (get an audio tutor course and do this while you are painting)

Practise the ukelele (ready to teach it to the older dc)

Write stories for your children (write out the stories you loved from your childhood in your own words, or make them up, and illustrate them)

Start making presents for Christmas (think about things that are local to where you are that could be bought or made or customised to send to your family and friends at home)

Compile photo books on photobox.com (baby's first weeks; our new home; whatever family stories you have to tell)

These are all the things I wish I was doing. Don't clean! do these things (or anything else that might be more up your street) and you will have beautiful things to show for your time.

You need an activity for every day - so find a class or group to go to each day. Your DD might be a great sleeper, but she'll wake up soon!

Also find out if your local cinema does a baby and parent screening, ours did every Tuesday morning, so for those first few sleepy months you can get to go to a film.

Make as many 'mummy' friends as you can, invite people over (bake for them??) - when your DD is a little older you'll be glad of a group to go to for playdates.

(and I only book the cleaner for days I'm not in)

I often go out when my cleaner is here, but otherwise I will just be doing normal things - playing with toddler, MNing, laundry, admin or whatever. She does my ironing as well, she is bloody fabulous.

Your baby is only 3 months. She will become a lot more demanding of your time once she becomes mobile. WHo cares if you look lazy in front of the cleaner? She is being paid to clean, not judge!

Agree, your baby will be on the move soon and you'll be up and down like a yo-yo. Take advantage of the time and do exactly what you want to do. Bugger what anyone else thinks or what you think they think.

Thanks for all the great ideas. I may take Arabic lessons.

Pag- that was funny!

Ca- I get the expat princess thing. Dh's aunt has never recovered from living in Saudi -her dh being transferred back was worst thing that has ever happened to her.

I was actually offered a job in a preschool, which I considered until I heard the salary. Dd2 got free tuition, but I would be paid a local salary - £70 per month. P

Learn the language! You won't always have time on your hands so make the most of it.

Sorry but this doesn't sound like a sahm at all as your child is at school from 7.00 - 4.00.

Don't you have any hobbies? Volunteering? A course?