To ask what you do as a Sahm

[Alligatorpie]

i am adjusting to being a sahm. My dd is 3 months old, but was born overseas and we have recently returned home. I am struggling to balance what I should be doing, and not feel so lazy all the time.

Dd is a great sleeper and naps for at least 2 hours in the morning and afternoon, so I have lots of time on my hands. I live in a country where I don't speak the language, so have a fairly small social circle. My point is, I have a lot of free time, which I am not using so productively.

So I usually wake up, get dd1 (6) ready for school (pack lunch, check schoolbag, get breakfast...) DH and her go to school at 7, and are home by 4 (he teaches in her school)

After they leave, I wash the breakfast dishes, do laundry, hang clothes outside, put dry clothes away (mine and dd's - dh does his own) bath the baby, workout - (not a chore, I know), do a general tidy, go to the market if we need something... And I think that is it. Dh likes cooking, so does all the cooking, I set the table and clear up or do bath time for dd1 - usually bath time. But this has not changed since I was working.

We have a cleaner once a week, so she does all the big cleaning, I try to stimulate dd, we go to a baby group, I sing to her, we read, play, but she is 3 months old and a very easy baby. We go for coffee or swimming with friends, but it is too hot to go walking these days, so we spend a lot of time inside. Her sleeping, me on the Internet. OK sometimes I nap.

What else should I be doing? What do you do? Dd1 didn't sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time, so I never got anything done. Now I can't fill my days.

Tough. I have lived overseas with young children. The first place, we didn't just have a cleaner, she was starting to turn into a nanny as well...I intended to look for work in local embassies but in the end we had to leave after three months. Second place, both dd's went to preschool. I wrote 4/5ths of a novel. Which is still sitting there waiting to be finished as since returning home have not had a chance to look at it. Now, am studying and working on another book....

She has a 3 month old baby as well as a child at school.

Do not get rid of your cleaner. Enjoy doing whatever you want. DD may not stay this easy going and certainly won't sleep as much very soon!

Oh gee sorry I completely missed that you have a little baby

Get rid of the cleaner? Really? So you can spend more time scrubbing and with your hands down the loo? Errr.....no, if you can afford one, keep the cleaner!

I think your prospective activities could be categorised as follows:

1. Home related: Any jobs that need doing? I keep meaning to file digital and hard copy photos properly, update the online address book, put birthdays in the calendar (Never seem to get round to it!)

1. Learning something new: Lots of people have pointed out that learning the language would be useful, you could also do a correspondence/online course in the language or something that you enjoy? A musical instrument?

1. Get a hobby: I love spending my spare time (in the house on my own) sewing, editing and taking photos, planning the interior decoration of my home, generally doing craft-y things. Doesn't have to be craft though. What about researching your family tree for instance? Could also combine this with point (2.) above.

1. Social things for you: work on building up your network of contacts/friends perhaps set up something which is a focus for your meetings eg: book club, wine tasting, food-related where you take it in turns to be at each others homes

1. Social things for baby: the need for these will increase as she gets older - look out for things such as singing groups, dancing/exercise related/story telling - not sure if this works in the place that you live though.

If you mix and match these on a day to day basis you'll stay busy but fill your time with quality stuff (and not have to resort to cleaning to stay busy!)

don't take on too much just yet as your baby will get more demanding before it gets easier again. Recovering from the birth, working out, reading, keeping in touch with current affairs are all perfectly sensible things to do with a three month old. I could barely read a page at that stage through exhaustion. If you are not worn out, relish it! Don't feel you "have" to do anything unless it benefits you and your family.

Scuzy - when my cleaner is here I run round like a mad thing tidying up so she can actually clean without toys everywhere.

I'm a bit at your easy baby. I'm due to have my 4th in Dec it will be very hard work like the others. At present I have two at school, 1 in pre-school 3 days a week and pregnant.

I try and spend a morning a week on admin, a day a week on cleaning - which is more like 3 hours by the time I do a bit, stop for a bit, sleep and rest loads! By the time I have done this and picked DCs up, dropped them offf, clubs, housework, dinner, occassional meet up with other mums, I don't have any free time.

If you were a working mum, you'd still be on maternity leave (in some jobs). I would allow yourself some time to just enjoy your baby.

I'm never bored. There always seem to be a million things I need to sort out / do, and I put them all off. So getting to do all the things that need doing is my problem. I have two children and they're older though and their schedules and all the co-ordination of the three schedules can be overwhelming at times. I do hate that 'what do you do all day?'. Wait til your kids are older and you ahve to spend all day looking for white laces and getting bd presents/cards and getting pins on kids' mobile phones unlocked and taking one child to dentist/optometerist.... it never ends. I try to do a tiny bit of house work most days as well.

Don't get me wrong, I am increibly grateful to have this time with my dd. I know once I go back to work - life will be insane again. I am taking a year off (unpaid) as that is what I would get at home, so maybe it is not right to say sahm, as I am kind of on mat leave.

Here there - I like the themed meetings idea, book club would work, wine tasting wouldnt - we live in a dry community!

lol Tunip i'm the kind that tries make the bed in a hotel before the cleaner comes in. pag i dont have issues i'm just not comfortable with the thoughts of someone in to clean my house while i sit on my ass.

Ok. But tbh it is odd when you think about it.

Do you bleed the radiators when the plumber comes around ?

If I am paying someone to do a job why do I have to run around to justify myself. If my dh were here when she came would anyone expect him to run around cleaning too?

Pagwatch.....people on mumsnet are often sniffy about cleaners, especially if you are a SAHM or worse if all your children are at school. Despite the fact that most people pay others to do jobs that they could, if necessary, do themselves

Eg cut or dye their own or kids hair, make and mend clothes, grow lots of their food, make bread and most other foods from scratch, home decorating and maintenance , gardening, cleaning the car, takig kids to/from school, educating children ,

It just shows a total lack of imagination which is very depressing.

OP - I am bored.

Posters - get rid of your cleaner and clean your own house then you won't be bored.

Lucky you. I would read books. Catch up with old friends. Make some more. Don't ditch the cleaner or take on too much, baby will get harder work before she gets easier again. Enjoy!

Have three year old and crawling baby, so pretty full on ...in spite of cleaner... I intend to do voluntary and or paid work in some useful capacity when they get bigger, am so bloody lucky having two healthy kids and no money worries, feel I should use any extra time to give some stuff back, not just have coffee with mates all day or go ott on housework.

You feel lazy? Just because you're at home?

You've got a young family and a home to run, you are busy!

Don't get rid of the cleaner.

I'm sahm but my dc are all at schoo.

I don't have a cleaner but I think I'm going to get one.

I go to the gym, read, mumsnet too much walk the dog, meet friends and ALL the stuff in the house, plus food shopping etc.

I'm never bored.

School even.

Have a wank.

What cos you're bored?

Teamumizumi If i had any wine just then i would have sprayed it!!!!

The only thing is, if she does choose to do that, she really might have to get rid of the cleaner!

Um, everlongyouaregoldandorange, i often do that I often make jam as well though - depends how bored i get!

Hahaha well I supposes it passes the time

I don't have a cleaner and I do all the cooking, but if I were you I would enjoy some you time!

Lol! I thought i was going to get a trolling for that comment. Hooray for mumsnetters who have a sense of humour :)