To ask what you do as a Sahm

[Alligatorpie]

i am adjusting to being a sahm. My dd is 3 months old, but was born overseas and we have recently returned home. I am struggling to balance what I should be doing, and not feel so lazy all the time.

Dd is a great sleeper and naps for at least 2 hours in the morning and afternoon, so I have lots of time on my hands. I live in a country where I don't speak the language, so have a fairly small social circle. My point is, I have a lot of free time, which I am not using so productively.

So I usually wake up, get dd1 (6) ready for school (pack lunch, check schoolbag, get breakfast...) DH and her go to school at 7, and are home by 4 (he teaches in her school)

After they leave, I wash the breakfast dishes, do laundry, hang clothes outside, put dry clothes away (mine and dd's - dh does his own) bath the baby, workout - (not a chore, I know), do a general tidy, go to the market if we need something... And I think that is it. Dh likes cooking, so does all the cooking, I set the table and clear up or do bath time for dd1 - usually bath time. But this has not changed since I was working.

We have a cleaner once a week, so she does all the big cleaning, I try to stimulate dd, we go to a baby group, I sing to her, we read, play, but she is 3 months old and a very easy baby. We go for coffee or swimming with friends, but it is too hot to go walking these days, so we spend a lot of time inside. Her sleeping, me on the Internet. OK sometimes I nap.

What else should I be doing? What do you do? Dd1 didn't sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time, so I never got anything done. Now I can't fill my days.

My friends DH locks her rabbit in the safe while he's at work

Make the most of your time at home! I've made the most of an excuse to be 'lazy' and rested as much as possible, now my baby's over 12months I'm throwing myself into things I wouldn't have done when my baby was tiny.

Do not get rid of the cleaner!

This thread makes me luffs pag just a little bit more. Her 'whatever the fuck I want' comment is genius.

OP, I used to be just like you minus the cleaner DC2 was a walk in the park and I often felt lazy. Then DC2 learnt to walk and talk just like DC1 and now I'm lucky if I get to pee without world war three breaking out or DC2 eating all the ham in the fridge .

What do you want to do in your spare time? Read more, join an ex pat mum and tots or learn the language. Just remember that this easy bit won't last forever and if you make a big change like getting rid of the cleaner it might be something you regret.

But if you are bored, have a look at on-line courses, or things that are available to ex pats in your area (if there is such a thing).

I go to university for lectures and seminars. Sloz about house. Try on frocks.

Have driving lessons. Look after 84 year old Mama. Read porn. Cook. Wash nasty adolescent DS undies. Ring mates. Decorate house.

Distract DH with exotic sex techniques when his self-employment becomes unbearable. Furk around in garden. Boss cleaner around.

Go to doctor for HRT and steroid injections. Get fitted for orthopadeic insoles.

Please don't mummy-martyr yourself! There is nothing wrong with having a couple of breaks in a long day of running a household and looking after a tiny infant. Don't bite off more than you can chew either because there's every likelihood and your baby's sleep patterns will shift again in a month or two and you will find yourself with less free time.

In your shoes, I would be making learning the local language my number one priority.

Before you know it the baby won't be sleeping and you will be able to do all sorts of things. You sound as though you have a lot of get up and go and I, imagine, the quiet pace of life with a 3month old doesn't suit you the best. I quite liked it but only because I knew it was short term.

Excellent point about the baby not always being so easy, i think will just chill out and wait for that to happen. We are meeting some friends for a swim this morning. I will find out what else I can do in the area.
On the plus side, I am very refreshed and able to give dd1 a lot of attention when she comes home from school. Dh likes it too!
lolwhat - you are right, I am used to running around like a lunatic to get stuff done - having time and money is very new to me! (but I like it!)

Get off your arse and clean your kitchen.

Oh no hang on that's me

I'd learn Arabic definitely and do lots of exploring. Perhaps set up a group for other ex-pats doing something you like singing, book club?

Learn the language!! Top priority, the rest will follow

Swimming is a great idea with the baby. Otherwise I agree - books and box sets and crafty stuff. Put the feelers out for some groups / activities for when the babba is a bit older. And see about meeting some new friends with same age babies?

Same as you, I live abroad. We moved here when DD2 was 6 weeks. It has been up and down, and some days I certainly have felt bored, particularly as it's not always easy to plan activities around a baby's sleep pattern (or so I felt).

I have always worked, and took only minimal mat leave when DD1 was born. We knew that I would be home for a prolonged period of time here as there is no childcare for very small children. This was a choice, but I have still resented DH's freedom of being out of the house and going to work at times. And I have felt the pressure to keep everything running perfectly on the domestic front, putting the energy I used to put into my job, into my home. Until I lived here, I never EVER considered myself to be a SAHM.

The big thing for me was learning the language and making friends with neighbours/other mums. It gave me lots of contacts and really fun people to talk to. Either for meeting up properly, coffees, lunches, power-walking with buggies etc. or just the feeling of not being so isolated. Meeting a friend by chance when I took DDs to the swings because they were there with their kids. Being able to recognise people out and about in our little town and chat. Having people wave at me as I drive past. As an 'outsider', that made a huge difference to how I felt. And for me, the key there was the language. I'm not in a classic 'ex-pat' location, so mastering the language to some degree has been essential. It gives me more feeling of power and control, to be able to understand a letter from the bank or go and change an item in a shop or similar.

Those friendships with other mums have been fantastic. I know some people think that just because you have children the same age as another person doesn't automatically make you friends. And it's true, I have people among the neighbour mums here that I get on with better than others. But we have had a lot of shared experiences, worries, laughs, searches for solutions, frustrations etc. And talking and sharing made a big difference to my day and my sanity. We do get together every few weeks without the kids, and we all feel that the friendships are valuable to us.

The other thing was learning to relax and enjoy the time. Not nagging DD1 to get ready for nursery, but to enjoy doing things together. Walking home and picking flowers or berries. Taking our time about things. Deciding together that we want to make something we've seen on Mister Maker, and going and putting that craft project together. Being able to be closer to DD2 so that she can play and do physical activities and build her confidence. Being able to take DD1 to activities in the afternoons that I wouldn't be able to get to if I was working.

Softlysoftly .... and me.

Be twee. Twee people are NEVER bored and their lives ate perfect. They fill their days making tat beautiful hand crafted products.

You do need to keep a journal of some sort though. A blog is best because then you can show off how wonderful everything is!

I make meals, clean up, clean up again once the DC's have finished wrecking everything I've tidied, teach DD1 to spell basic letters, sort out the budget and bills, go to and from school, go to a parenting class once a week, study one evening per week and sort out revision and essays through the week, play ball with the dog in the garden, go for a walk with DD2 around the local charity shops and drink lots and lots of coffee before bath and bed time.

It can get repetitive and be very boring sometimes plus when the DC's play up very hard work but when I'm back working full time I'll miss these days where I had lots of time with my family.

You're doing fine. Ignore all the calls to get rid of the cleaner - soon enough, your DD2 will not be a baby and will make more demands on your time wrt entertainment and activities.

You should consider any free time you get as your "weekend" time. I find that, as a SAHM, "work" is spread out across the whole week without a break at weekends. I get pockets of me time rather than two days like I did pre-children.

Don't get rid of your cleaner. Drudgery won't make it more interesting. Do nice stuff, enjoy it. Do whatever you like don't clean more.

Keep the cleaner and take up a hobby! I dream of having that sort of time. I'm a sahm but run 3 businesses, one's a start up and try and slot crafts in around it all whilst baking bread, making all meals, tidying....also got baby 2 on the way.

Out of interest, are you in Sudan? We were just there and my life was very similar to yours. Now in Kenya and there is more to do, but still very much the expat princess here too (and we're prob coming home in Jan so I am going to feel a big wallop too!)

Whilst I was in Sudan, I volunteered at an orphanage and a maternity ward at a local hospital, and also did an OU course in genetics, just to keep my brain ticking over. On a daily basis with the baby, I went swimming (it was about 50 degrees for 9 months of the year) and to a local ice cream palour, just to get out of the house. Met friends for lunch. Made another baby. I did work in a marketing job for 6 months but stopped when I got pregnant as we knew we were off to our next posting by then.

I loved it. It was very hot and dusty though.