TA told my five year old to 'mind her own business'

[RichardDawkinsAngel]

There is every chance my DD was trying to give unwanted help and/or advice (although apparently the little boy concerned wanted her to help him with his picture). My DD said that the TA said it in a 'not nice way'. I think is an unacceptable thing to say to a five year old. Or am I being pfb? DD is in Y1 btw.

Possibly...or the child just feels aggrevied perhaps? Child may also have complained if another phrase altogether had been used or even if they had been told to get on with their own work.

But we have a fairly relaxed approach at school and the relationships are pretyy good, and we know the children in each year - so noone is really a stranger, especially by Y1.

I would certainly have not had any issue with a teacher or TA saying such a phrase to DD when she was this age, or now she is older either.

If DD had complained of such a thing to me at home, my response would have been along the lines of "Well, she's right. You need to concentrate on what YOU are doing not what everyone is doing." And the matter would be dropped.

That's possible

But do you ever see another member of staff say something, and wince a bit, because it was too harsh? (Nothing terrible, nothing you'd complain about). I know I do, and it makes me think about my own communication skills

I don´t really see that these things can be said in a nice way to a child tbh.

diddl

I think I'd simply say "please get on with your own work", or "please go and play" or "I am talking to X" . Firmly.

diddl - I assure you that they really can be, a gentle tone, a bit of a smile, a guiding hand perhaps too. Believe me I am in no way an unkind, unpleasant TA but I have used such phrases where the situation has called for it. I have managed several years of being a teacher and now a TA and never been referred to or thought of as an unkind person. I never shout. I never over react - but yes, sometimes I will gentle tell a child to keep out of it and get back to their own work in some manner, and yes I have dared utter the words "mind your own business."

I guess it´s just me- because if the child needs to do their own work & let others do theirs-why not just say that?

Mind your own business just doesn´t sound right to me-they´re not earwigging in a private conversation or asking for personal information!

It´s such a dismissive thing to say.

diddl - tbh some children are doing just that. Some are listening in to private conversations between adults or even adults and other children.

But yes, I will use your other phrase at times too. Sometimes though when you've aked the same child several times, several days each week...well, sometimes thy need reminding that not everything is their business.

I constantly tell dd1 that she is NOT the grown up at home. I suspect she gets the same at school...

I´m intrigued as to what private conversations go on in the classroom!

I dont think it is a particularly nice thing to say to a child.

One thing I do remember from doing work experience in a primary school was the little girls who really needed to be told off very firmly before they stopped bossing other children around and telling them they weren't doing things right. A gentle telling just didn't seem to sink in. The problem is that a child who keeps insisting on mixing her oar in can do a lot of damage to the confidence of a more timid child.

Well the child seems to think so!

Diddl, there are lots of times a child speaks to a TA about something they will prefer not to be overheard by the rest of the class.

Toileting issues.
Confidence issues.
Friendship issues etc ..

And that is unacceptable toughas of course.

The thing is it's hard to hear a tiny snapshot of a conversation and say it is or isn't an unreasonable thing to say. Putting it bluntly if it was a nosey child who you have told several times already to get on with their own work, to say please X, will you mind your own business now and go sit down, i'll be with you in a moment, or something similar is ok. It may be the first time the child has been told strongly.

She child will still go home and accurately say Mrs X told me to mind my own business! But you wont have been told the rest of it.

diddl - many conversations take place that are between the teacher/TA and one pupil, that the other children don't near to hear about.

Maybe a child is having difficulties with a piece of work, issues at home, has had a toiletting accident, has forgotten homework, can't yet read or doesn't understand a maths concept.

All of these are often dealt with quietly on a 1:1 basis with the child invovled, and not for the rest of the children to list to.

or maybe it is the head speaking to the teacher quietly about an issue regarding a child int he class, or a parent needing a quiet word....

Lots fo things which little ears will sometimes try to listen in to when they should be focused on their actual classwork.

Many of these things have to ahppen there and then too, and can't be delayed til the room is empty.

Tough... I am pretty much of the opinion that it DID happen, but I also have no issue with a child being asked to mind their own business.

Obviously, like with all professions, there are nasty TAs. Your case sounds dreadful. The TA should have been disciplined over it and I feel for your DD.

But I still don't think that asking a child to mind their own business is usually a nasty thing to say.

Yes, OK.

But this doesn´t seem to have been one of those situations.