TA told my five year old to 'mind her own business'

[RichardDawkinsAngel]

There is every chance my DD was trying to give unwanted help and/or advice (although apparently the little boy concerned wanted her to help him with his picture). My DD said that the TA said it in a 'not nice way'. I think is an unacceptable thing to say to a five year old. Or am I being pfb? DD is in Y1 btw.

There's a difference between being told that by your own parent and being told it by an authority figure in school. I am much blunter with my own children than I would be with children I was teaching, especially very little ones. How much effort is it to be gentle? It's not that hard.

How do you know she wasn't gentle? It can be said in all manner of ways and we were not there.

'Beeswax' is so dreadful. Mealy mouthed and nonsensical.

I was bullied by a TA when i was about 5 or 6. She made up lies about me and would speak to me really nastily. I remember vividly she told my teacher that i had made a 'rude gesture' at her in class, and I was hounded for about 2 weeks being asked what I had done. Eventually I said that I put my hands in front of my face and wriggled my fingers at her because I didn't know what else to do.

She bought me 2 lollies at the end of term. I threw them away.

Not all TAs are nice.

I am a TA and I wouldn't speak to the children at school using those terms (if she did say that). I would say it to my sons because it would be part of loving banter. With other people's children, you need to be careful to model polite language

Agree with that Greensleeves

MORE people (inc children) need to be told to MYOB

Yes, but not in those terms AF. Fine on MN, not to a small child when you are a professional, IMO. And I'm quite a disciplinarian

As a parent (and a professional) if my child was sticking their nose where it wasn't required, I wouldn't have a problem at all with this

In a class full of kids not getting on with your own stuff (if they were all allowed to distract each other) it would be chaos

I mean a professional who works with children. Of course children need to be told, but it's the difference between saying "excuse me please" and "get out of the way"

I imagine most TAs wouldn't say it precisely because threads like this and the whole precious thing (not the OP btw, who doesn't seem that precious) mean they spend most of their working days worrying that every little misconstrued word is going to have the mummy and daddy running to the head.

Beeswax is unutterably naff. And cringingly Hyacinth Bucket.

Thursday. I disagree. I wouldn't say it because it oversteps the mark and there are politer alternatives. I have two children myself, I would say it to them as I explained before

Thursday... I don't worry about what I say from that POV, I genuinely don't. If it's defensible I'd defend it in the event of a complaint. If I spoke out of turn or in a temper I'd think about it and apologise if necessary.

I'm glad Jamie, really. Because I hate this whole parent-cracks-the-whip thing. Seems especially rife at this time of year. I prefer to be the one who when dd whinges (as she does) that she's been told off, tells her she'll know better next time not to be getting herself into a situation where she merits it.

Thursday

Oh I agree, but it doesn't mean school staff are unassailable. I think we do have to think about how we talk to children, especially new, small ones

There is nothing wrong with telling a child to mind its own business, it's the same as 'this doesn't concern you, so please go back to your own work' or as we like to say in this house - ' Oi nose ointment, butt out!'

Poor little DD, she's only five.

OP will know whether she is a 'little madam' or 'a little know it all' and therefore likely to receive brusque comments from the TA.

But to me, the fact that she told her DM about what the TA said to her means that it had a not nice effect and she wanted to tell DM for comfort or reassurance.

TA may have been a bit harrassed or the little boy DD was 'helping' might have been playing up but as she is only five that seems brusque and I would be sympathetic and say that the TA 'must have been very busy to say that to you'.

Oh dear. I'm a TA these days and work with infant school children. Been in Y1 up to this year, now Y2. But yes, at times I have probably told a 5 or 6 year old to "mind your own business" "stop being nosy" or similar. All done in a nice way tbh, but yes - the phrases has been used. Never ever once thought it would be a nasty thing to say - not one yet has appeared to take offence yet - and tbh some young children do need reminding that not everything going on in the classroom is to do with them.

FWIW I have never been considered to be a nasty or unkind memeber of staff and all the children appear to still like me.

TBH I think you are taking this way too seriously...I very much doubt the TA was saying it to be nasty, or even tbh in a "not nice way" although the TA probably did mean what she said!

Why do people say Beeswax??

timetoask - but a TA is not a stranger to the child. They see each other every day for 6 hours each day. Even after just a couple of weeks, that is a fairly well known adult, especially if been in the school for a year already too.

JamieandOscarSittinginATree - it is BECAUSE I have a nice relationship with the children in my care that I would use more relaxed phrases and language with them, like I would with other children I know pretty well. "Mind your own business" can, imo, be said in a fairly polite way, still be meant and still not be a nasty thing to say.

For me, it would be a question of : how would I feel if a child said "mind your own business" to me (the TA). After all, children repeat what they hear. A 5 year old is literally-minded, they might feel entirely justified in saying that to an adult if they felt they were being interrupted.

I wouldn't say it to an adult so I wouldn't say it to a child I am working with.

Hula - I am not meaning to criticise you, BTW, I know exactly what you are saying. But if the child in this case has come home and complained about this, then the TA in question has possibly mis-judged how close she is to this child.

But there are lots of things we tell the children to do that wouldn't be appropriate to if the child said it to an adult...

... time to sit down and listen
...just wait a moment
...I can't do that right now, I'll sort it later
... don't speak to me like that

etc....

Oh yes, that's true.