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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want dd1 (12yo) to walk home alone at 9pm?

33 replies

Goldidi · 08/09/2012 19:13

Dd1 went out to a youth group with her friend and friend's family earlier. I was told that group finishes at 6:30 which I was fine with her walking home as far as friend's house with friend then the rest of the way on her own.

I have now had a phone call from dd1 saying that her friend is staying for something else that doesn't finish til 9pm and is it ok to walk home after that? I am not happy with that really as I think it is a bit late for a 12yo to walk home alone, but also it's a long way from the group to walk all the way home alone now. I want to go and collect her but dd2 (age 2) has just gone to bed and dp is out so can't go get her/stay with dd2. If I had known she would be walking that far or that late I would not have let her go in the first place. I have told her to come home now and she is not happy with me at all now.

AIBU to expect that if you invite another child to somewhere that will not finish til 9pm you would bring that child all the way home? Or check that someone will be able to collect her before you are there?

OP posts:

catwoo · 08/09/2012 19:14

I wouldn't dream of it. YANBU

Shesparkles · 08/09/2012 19:15

Only you know your child and the ara which she'll be walking. My dd used to walk home from a dance class next to her school when she was 12, whether I was dark or light. I knew my dd and was happy for her to be walking the route she walked. Other areas of town-not a snowball's chance in hell

lovebunny · 08/09/2012 19:22

don't allow it.

a long time ago, my cousin aged nine was walking home from brownies past the church, to her house. a five minute walk, in a nice quiet area. in the village where her dad grew up. someone grabbed her, took her behind the church and raped her.

diaimchlo · 08/09/2012 19:24

YADNBU even if you know the area.....

BackforGood · 08/09/2012 19:25

Ca you not phone friends parents and say, that, as the times have now changed from what was arranged, and you are unable to come out to fetch her, would they be able to bring her home at 9 ? I would prefer to take a dc's friend home at that age, at that time, than have them walk on their own or miss out on what they wanted to do together.
But no, I wouldn't want her walking at that time of night on her own.

runningforme · 08/09/2012 19:26

YADNBU I would expect her to be brought all the way home.

Piggychunk · 08/09/2012 19:38

Can she get a taxi home and you pay when the taxi arrives? I wouldn't like it either but I am a born worrier

lovebunny · 08/09/2012 19:42

i'd prefer her not to be in a taxi or 'other parent''s car - just her own, trustworthy, family. (for example, my daughter was not allowed into a car with any man except her father and two grandfathers. she had to turn down lifts from my brother. he's not a bad man - but he's not reliable).

i've had some hair-raising experiences in taxis, drivers wanting to talk about rape etc, and i'm an old woman.

ll31 · 08/09/2012 19:43

put your other dd in car or buggy and collect her would be what i-d do

ZZZenAgain · 08/09/2012 19:45

ask the friend's family if they can drop her home? Otherwise I would go and get her.

valiumredhead · 08/09/2012 19:47

YANBU it will be dark at 9pm too, not even like it's the middle of summer and still light.

Floggingmolly · 08/09/2012 19:52

Wake the toddler and take her with you. Why would you even consider compromising your older daughter's safety so the little one doesn't have her sleep disturbed?

Noqontrol · 08/09/2012 19:56

I wouldn't let her. I remember walking home at that age with a friend and we got followed by a flasher. If the friends parents cant drop her off I'd wake the youngest and go and collect.

Original poster

Goldidi · 08/09/2012 19:58

She is home now. I told her to walk home when she phoned around 7ish. She's not happy with me but the friend's parents didn't offer to bring her home when she said I wasn't happy with her walking that late at night. It's a nice area that I am happy with her walking around earlier in the day, so up til 8pm I am reasonably happy for her to walk home from various friends and she walks home from school on her own which is a similar distance to the youth group.

If she had phoned before dd2 was already in bed asleep I would have kept dd2 up later so we could go and collect dd1, but 10 mins sleep would have dd2 up all night.

OP posts:

ScariestFairyByFar · 08/09/2012 20:00

If your not happy for her to walk ask friends parents or take toddler.

harbingerofdoom · 08/09/2012 20:01

YANBU. I still don't think they should walk alone,in the dark, at 13,14,15,16,17,18, 19,20 etc Get the picture. It's never worth the risk.
Always make sure they can get home safely with a friend or get a taxi.

IWipeArses · 08/09/2012 20:29

harbinger, you don't think a 20 year old should walk home by themselves?

valiumredhead · 08/09/2012 20:32

Not walk home at 9pm at 20???!!! The last train out of Charing Cross is heaving - busier than at noon, I used to get it home all the time. And at 20 I had already left home and was living abroad.

valiumredhead · 08/09/2012 20:33

So with that thinking then you wouldn't let a 20 year old walk home at 5pm in the winter?

ilovesooty · 08/09/2012 20:34

How would a 20 year oldnon driver hold down a 9-5 job if she couldn't walk alone at any point after it got dark?

harbingerofdoom · 08/09/2012 20:35

Got carried away with the ages

valiumredhead · 08/09/2012 20:36

Ha ha ha ha ha ha

Bluebell99 · 08/09/2012 20:37

She's home now, but in your situation I would have put the toddler in the buggy and gone to get her myself.

5madthings · 08/09/2012 20:47

actually depending on the distance i would let a 12yr old walk home in the dark, my ds1 is just 13, but since he has been at high school (just turned 11 when he went, aug bday) he would often do music shows at school in the evening, some i went to, but often if they were in an evening and dp was working he would walk home on his own, ie 9-10pm. it is a fairly short walk and well lit. he walks that way to and from school everyday so obviously knew the route and he had his phone and would call me when he was leaving.

i think it does depend on your are as at that age i woudl bike home from youth club at that time of night. ds1 will be starting army cadets soon and will have an evening bike road home, from further away, prob 15mins on his bike? he will have lights and i will let him do that.

i also had the younger sibling issue, only 4 younger siblings i would have had to keep up or get out of bed! but the area here is well lit and i am happy for him to walk home on his own up to about 10pm.

what age would people let their child do this? obv it depends on the area and the distance.

actually thinking about it ds1 has gone to the cinema and come out at 8:30-9ish and walked home, half an hour walk. but again its a well lit route, passes the college, lots of shops etc so busy and likely to be people about which makes me happier about it.

Original poster

Goldidi · 08/09/2012 20:50

It was never an option to let her walk home alone at 9pm but I just wanted to check I wasn't being pfb about it. She walks home that route in the dark from school every evening through the winter (when it gets dark by 4pm and she's been at a club) so the dark isn't the issue, it's more the time and the fact that the roads are no longer full of people who could help her if she needed it. At 7 the roads were still reasonably busy and it was still light so i was not happy that she walked home alone then but I was confident that she would be safe doing so.

OP posts:

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