to not want dd1 (12yo) to walk home alone at 9pm?

[Goldidi]

Dd1 went out to a youth group with her friend and friend's family earlier. I was told that group finishes at 6:30 which I was fine with her walking home as far as friend's house with friend then the rest of the way on her own.

I have now had a phone call from dd1 saying that her friend is staying for something else that doesn't finish til 9pm and is it ok to walk home after that? I am not happy with that really as I think it is a bit late for a 12yo to walk home alone, but also it's a long way from the group to walk all the way home alone now. I want to go and collect her but dd2 (age 2) has just gone to bed and dp is out so can't go get her/stay with dd2. If I had known she would be walking that far or that late I would not have let her go in the first place. I have told her to come home now and she is not happy with me at all now.

AIBU to expect that if you invite another child to somewhere that will not finish til 9pm you would bring that child all the way home? Or check that someone will be able to collect her before you are there?

@lovebunny, in the area where I come from, there was a spate of rapes in black cabs or a black cab, on night I was the last to get out of a black cab, it was only a couple of minutes from the last drop so I felt OK, but it was right at the time of the attacks, and the driver said 'there you are love, home, and I didnt rape you did I' WTF did he expect me to say 'thanks'. I often wonder about that cab journey and why someone would make that comment. Weird.

A 12yo on their own at 7pm is probably in more danger than two 12yo's walking home together at 10pm..

It will be dark at 5pm in a few months, and you can hardly stop a 12yo from walking home at that time.

@numbertaker, near me, a former taxi driver used to go out with a taxi sign on his car and pick up women, take them off their route and rape them. i was waiting at a bus stop one night and he stopped to offer me a lift - which i politely refused, despite his protestations that 'it won't cost you anything' and 'i know you, you use our firm don't you?'. if i hadn't been from the 'moors murders' generation, with self-protection drummed into us at every turn, i'd have been on his list. he obviously wasn't very particular!

Valredhead One of my DDs was left alone in Brighton (she had her ID earlier) Not in her purse at the door of a club. Friends went in.
This is why mobiles are so handy,could talk her through what to do etc

I used to walk home alone at that age once a week from a drama group. It was about a mile away. I felt safe doing it because it was my local area, although it was in an inner city area so in terms of statistics it probably had a high crime rate.

I probably wouldn't have an issue with it for my dd, kids are quite streetwise around here and it's fairly common. I wouldn't be happy being sprung with it though if you hadn't agreed beforehand. I'd probably just call a cab in your situation, there is a firm here which only uses female drivers.

DP & I went spare about 5 months ago when DSS1 (13) hunted us down one Friday evening when he was supposed to be at his mother's. DSS1 had gone round our house first, then looked in every pub in town, then went back to the house in case he'd missed us, then asked the lady in the corner shop if he could borrow the phone to call his dad (no credit on mobile). DP told him that we were in the next village (2 miles up the road) and reminded him that he was supposed to be at his mother's. 20 minutes later (at 9.20pm), DSS1 turned up at the pub we were in (and were about to leave). His reason for spending his entire evening trying to find us was that he didn't want to be at his mother's and none of his friends were out - also, his "D"M allows his curfew to be 10pm when it had been dark. We insisted on him walking back to our town with us for safety, then DSS1 continued to his mother's once we were past the pubs.

I still can't believe she thinks it's acceptable for a 13y/o boy to be roaming the streets for over an hour after dark.

I wouldn't have had a problem with the part of the journey where they were walking together, it was the 20 min walk after she had left her friend that worried me.

Anyway, she walked the half hour walk at 7pm and was fine. She regularly walks around to friends houses, youth group and Guides at around 7- 7:30pm as long as she sticks to well-lit, busy roads. 9pm is just too late for me to be comfortable with her walking home alone though.

I used to run a Guide group that finished at 9pm and there was a girl who was supposed to get the bus home alone afterwards. I gave her a lift home every week as I wasn't happy letting a 14yo go home alone at that time of night even though her mum was fine with it.

My biggest problem was with this being sprung on me when she was already there and the conversation was held over the phone. I was made to be the bad cop for not letting her, while her friend's parents (who were walking home with their own dd, not making her walk on her own) looked like they were the 'cool' ones who would let her.

hab I agree phones are really handy, ds has had one since he started walking to and from school age 9.