To object the use of the word 'rape' in a friend's FB status?

[crazycanuck]

He used it referring to his bank account getting raped by charges from his bank. When I called him on it he said he was referring to the 2nd definition in the Oxford dictionary that defines it as to wantonly destroy. (Cue his knuckle-dragger friends coming on and cheering and back-slapping him for his cleverness). Technically he is correct I guess but I really hate the way he and his generation (he's 18 years younger than me) use that term, because I think they reckon they are being all hip and edgy by using it (he had to look it up in the dictionary to get that definition before he posted his response!) because it gets a response from what they commonly refer to as man-hating feminists. I think it's part of the problem contributing to the normalisation of rape.

Am I being oversensitive? I also hate the term 'frape', which he also uses on a regular basis.

Apologies if I seem to post and run, it being a school morning.

I think it's fine personally.

Nobody would bat an eyelid is he had posted this his overdraft repayments were killing him or something.

And killing is objectively worse than raping (though admittedly I've never been killed so maybe I can't say that but I imagine it is!!)

Unfortunately the use of the word rape is quite common in the younger generation to mean things like 'getting beaten badly in something' or someone taking advantage of you in some way.

An example I once heard is
Friend one: damn I got beaten 10-nil by David
Friend two: haha you got raped

I know it's not exactly the same but it reminds me a bit of Allport's scale of prejudice (I was recently at training on LGBT communities which is why I can remember it!) Basically it talks about how seemingly trivial stuff like using language leads to something else, which leads to something else.
'It is commonly seen as harmless by the majority. Antilocution itself may not be harmful, but it sets the stage for more severe outlets for prejudice'
Rape is so minimilised and brushed over in society, using it in comical contexts like 'frape' or the worst I heard, 'I'm feeling a bit rapey tonight' just adds to this.

Words like 'I'm going to bloody kill X made a right mess'

has become so common even sensitive people don't bat an eyelid.

'I could murder a cuppa' is surely different from 'I was raped by the bank' though as it implies something done to you rather than by you?

No one would seriously post on their FB that so and so owed them money so they were going to rape them for it.

And the poster upthread that said their son raped a chicken - I am genuinely that you think that is OK? What a horrible, horrible turn of phrase.

And yes, there are plenty of people that call others on using the word 'rape' inappropriately - I did, when my DH (then boyfriend) would say he wanted me to rape him when we met up. A friend of mine still says it, every time I call him on it as it is vile. I don't see him very often anymore.

And Fut - The Big Bang Theory

It's no different. You're just suiting it to yourself. Trying to make it okay because you've said it

but the word [murder] itself does not graphically convey any particular thing happening

Yes it does. It means someone is getting killed & I have not one example of how anyone getting killed is not graphic.

You are using semantics to try to convey why it is worse to use the word rape, rather than the word murder. Both portray an horrific act, to be fair. Unless murder is nice now.

If anyone ever said anything as fucking messed up and downright creepy as 'my son raped the dinner chicken!' They'd be booted and I'd be telling my mates what a fucking freak they were, and how they had zero understanding of the horror of rape to talk to an older person with such breathtaking disrespect for not only rape victims (which surround all of us BTW, but the elderly.)

Judgemental? Yes, absolutely. I don't give a flying fuck if anyone thinks I'm a judgemental bitch or a PC loon. It's happened before and I just dump them. I don't need people who disgust me or hurt me in my life.

I feel it's justified, others wont. I've many a time been ostracised for my views. I'd rather have a clean conscious than regretting in 20/40/60 years I didn't stand up for what was right.

I still think it's -yet another of-- society's way to minimise a brutal, horrific assault that changes your life forever.

differentname

No, think about it. "Murder" could mean a whole range of things, but the actual word does not conjure up a graphic image of any particular one of them.

Rape does mean something very specific (ie penetration without consent), and saying the word does immediately conjure a graphic image of it happening.

Murder is a similar class of word to "assault". Assault can mean a whole range of thinks, from throwing a punch to chucking a drink over someone to seriously beating someone up. But the word covers all of them, it doesn't mean any one specific physical act.

"You are using semantics to try to convey why it is worse to use the word rape,"

Well, erm, yes. This is an argument about semantics. Someone suggested "murder" is semantically the same as rape. I'm saying it isn't. Of course my argument is going to be semantic!

We don't live in a culture where comedians get up and tell 'murder' jokes about how the victim wanted it really.

We don't see people walking around in murder joke t shirts.

We don't have a massive problem of underreporting murders by the victim's nearest and dearest because they fear they won't be believed.

We don't have a pathetically low prosecution rate and conviction rate for murder.

Usng the word 'rape' in trivial contexts contributes to a culture which has real, practical implications for real rape victims. It makes it harder for them to be believed, harder for them to come forward.

Usng the word 'rape' in trivial contexts contributes to a culture which has real, practical implications for real rape victims. It makes it harder for them to be believed, harder for them to come forward.

Imo the difficulty in proving rape and the resulting low conviction rate makes it hard for victims to come forward.

Torture is a good example of how people don't bat an eyelid.

Torture is another of those collective words though isn't it. Doesn't immediately bring to mind a specific physical image. There are lots of ways of torturing someone. It doesn't make me flinch because it's not in itself graphic. Saying "It was like being water-boarded, waiting for those exam results to come out" I think would be thought a bit odd and inappropriate.

YANBU.

I hate the term 'frape' too, it really trivialises something so serious.

YANBU

Have challenged several incidences of sexist content on generally nice FB friends' walls lately, including a rape joke. I didn't say anything until the Akin/Galloway incidents made me realise how this low-level nonsense feeds into more serious oppression. It may be a semantic trend but not one that shows much respect for survivors' feelings or conduces to VAW being taken seriously.

madbuslady, im pretty sure victims and families/friend of victims of murder and torture, these words convey a pretty graphic picture. And rape isn't specific, it just means sex without consent. That does not convey graphically anything specific. Rape, like murder or torture can happen in a multitude of ways.

I personally think it's a little over sensitive. It is just a word. I know people that use it, but not with the intention of provoking a reaction - although I'm not so sure your 'knuckle- dragging' friend did it with that intention either, but that's just my opinion.

No. Rape is not a range of things. Sexual assault is. Rape isn't. It means penetration. In (and I was trying to avoid saying this in case triggery for people reading) one of two adjacent holes. FFS. IT IS A GRAPHIC IMAGE OF A SPECIFIC ACT. Murder can involve stabbing, hacking, hammering, poisoning, strangling, drowning, suffocating, blowing up etc etc etc. ALL those are graphic words/phrases, the word murder ISN'T.

Why are you all so keen not to grasp this exceptionally simple point? I'm not going to answer any more of these "meh I haven't really listened to you or bothered to understand you but I disagree because of vague reasons I just made up" posts.

Applauds BusLady, throws roses

It means penetration. In one of two adjacent holes

BusLady many women (and many legal systems including our own) would consider forced oral sex to be rape. You're right about the word as against "murder" being a false equivalency, and I may not think of this if responding angrily to such a post, but don't eliminate the experiences of these women.

I've heard the word used to describe lots of different situations and it upsets me every time I hear it. Ditto 'fraping'

YANBU, and more of people should object when they hear the word being used inapproriately

Point entirely taken, Extrospektiv That post then should probably read roughly as my first one did "It involves penetration of another person's body without consent."

MadBusLady, murder and torture even more so is a very graphic violent act , rape isn't always It can be someone being mentally coerced into sex without physical violence. so that reason doesn't stick either.

being torn a new one is a phrase that has lost meaning I think too.

"FFS. IT IS A GRAPHIC IMAGE OF A SPECIFIC ACT. Murder can involve stabbing, hacking, hammering, poisoning, strangling, drowning, suffocating, blowing up"

And equally rape can involve force, drugging, dark alleyways, marital beds, struggling, fighting, inaction due to fear etc.
I don't think the general vs specific justification holds up.

wrt
"Also those who use phrases like "he has the touch of a rapist" (yes really, to describe a brilliant footballing friend)."
It actually means that they are a terrible footballer, not that it really changes anything, just noticed it when reading through the thread.