To object the use of the word 'rape' in a friend's FB status?

[crazycanuck]

He used it referring to his bank account getting raped by charges from his bank. When I called him on it he said he was referring to the 2nd definition in the Oxford dictionary that defines it as to wantonly destroy. (Cue his knuckle-dragger friends coming on and cheering and back-slapping him for his cleverness). Technically he is correct I guess but I really hate the way he and his generation (he's 18 years younger than me) use that term, because I think they reckon they are being all hip and edgy by using it (he had to look it up in the dictionary to get that definition before he posted his response!) because it gets a response from what they commonly refer to as man-hating feminists. I think it's part of the problem contributing to the normalisation of rape.

Am I being oversensitive? I also hate the term 'frape', which he also uses on a regular basis.

Apologies if I seem to post and run, it being a school morning.

yup , and remind me , what do "the kids" mean when they say "that"s so gay "?

We are through the looking glass here, folks...

Ellen that's slightly different isn't it..

I think that although technically correct? the other uses of the word do in effect minimise the serious nature of the most commonly used one. Will anyone's bank, Facebook account or chicken feel the suffer the same consequences as a person who is actually raped.

Ghostship if you're happy with the word rape being used casually then expect to hear more examples of that particular usage.

titty you don't even know this 'boy' (who happens to be a man, albeit a young one in his early 20s) so how can you possibly comment on his motives? If anyone is ridiculous and stupid, it's someone who passes comment on the thought processes of someone they don't know from a bar of soap.

The murder point is interesting, and like stealth said earlier I can't really think of an answer to it at the moment.

Lots of food for thought in this thread. I still think it was an insensitive thing for him to post though. I called him on it because I usually get along with him quite well and we have frank discussions about things in RL.

Ghost yes my overheard example is a bit different to the one in the OP but it's all part of the same casual or jokey use of the word rape which I don't like.

meh, by boy i meant male/man/not female.

I dont know and i guess neither can you. But since you think he was trying to be 'hip', i can equally think he was just using a word that is common amongst his age group, and trying to be hip or edgy was the last thing on his mind.

Also what night owl said.

The mote I think about the murder analogy the more I think it's complete bobbins.

Murder, in the literal physical sense, is a catch-all term for a whole range of possible scenarios. Obviously all the possible physical images would be very distressing if you thought about them, but the word itself does not graphically convey any particular thing happening.

Rape, in the literal physical sense, does. It means something extremely graphic and specific.

It is semantic nonsense to say that the word murder is just as graphically visceral as the word rape. A more precise analogy would be, for example, "hacking someone up with an axe." And nobody ever says, "DH is late at the pub again, I'm going to hack him up with an axe when he gets in."

Or if they did you'd be edging towards the door and thinking "What a freaking weirdo." Which is pretty much exactly how I feel about people who use rape in casual contexts.

Frazer you'd hate working with us then!

Lads in the workshop (youngest is about 50)

And I'm one of the girls in the office (the oldest being 68!)

YANBU.

I think, given the most commonly used definition of the word 'rape', that it's extremely insensitive, at the very least, to use it in other contexts.

DH went through a phase of coming home and saying "I was raped at work today", when what he actually meant was "I had a very hard time at work today because it was much busier than expected". He's stopped this now, at least in front of me, after I made it very clear that I thought his language was unacceptable, but I do wonder who he picked this phrase up from.

YABU

'Frape' is a common term used by, well, basically anyone young enough to actually be facebook's intended target users.

'I'm being raped by bank charges'
'I could murder a sandwich' is not offensive.
'I missed lunch today, I'm going to die of hunger'

All of those are serious and horrible things, but used in that kind of context are not offensive in the slightest.

Well they are offensive if they minimise actual rape.

So your bank charges you.
And then you eat a sandwich.
And then you are hungy.

It's not the same as being raped.

You can get over the first three by having a bit more money/being more careful with it.
Eating
Eating

It's not the same if you are raped. It doesn't just go away by eating or clearing your overdraft.

Using language like that minimizes the damage that an actual rape does.

I also hate breast feeding nazi. Nazis did awful things to people; women wanting to help others breastfeed are always well intentioned, maybe some just a little misguided.

I'm not a fan of overzealous BFers, but I totally agree about the Nazi thing. cringe whenever I hear 'MumsNet Gestapo' too. I lost a lot of family in The Holocaust (I'm Roman Catholic but my father is Jewish) so it really hits a raw nerve.

There's a lot of hysteria surrounding the word rape used on fb.

I wonder how many of you would get as offended by 'I could kill that idiot' I could murder a pizza' 'I wanna smash his face in' all serious crimes. often don;t get the same reaction.

The murder analogy is explained upwards by other poster very well.

RuleBritannia Charlock and Rapeseed are different, although they belong to the same family.

brighteyed see above re "I could murder..." etc.

And er, actually you would think it was a bit off if someone said "I want to smash his face in" as a joke wouldn't you?? If I hear that I assume they're at least semi-serious. It's not a very nice thing to joke about.

I think the murder analogy is rather wishy washy. In the illegal sense, murder to me is the taking of someone's life, and rape is the unwanted piv. Both are equally horrific, in that sense. I don't think that rape is worse because it is graphically specific. Rape isn't any more specific than murder. In the same way that murder could occur in a multitude of ways, so could rape.

Its more that murder has been used as an acceptable jokey term for a very long time and rape has not and understandably some people are not comfortable with the relatively new use of the word. Which i think is fine (if a tad hypocritical), but to call up other people who use that word in the other sense, comes across as anal and dictorial. You don't like the use, and dont want anyone else using it that way either (despite the fact that they are using 'rape' in a legitimate way).

I also disagree that using rape in the second context minimizes the actual damage that rape does. It is two separate situations, and one that has no bearing on the other. It actually makes me think of the people that believe that gay marriage undermines the sanctity of straight marriage, which most decent people i know will agree is the shittest of shit arguments.

Sorry but on a totally unrelated note- what's TBBT??

Jessie, equally you could say that eating/putting more money in your bank account won't help the victims of murder. But this is somehow an accepted use of the word?

Anyone who uses the 'murder' term may as well bow out because you've lost all sides to your argument.

We can say murder but not rape? Let's not pick and chose what's acceptable based on what you're used to saying.

madbuslady that's a poor argument for why one is acceptable and one isn't.