To object the use of the word 'rape' in a friend's FB status?

[crazycanuck]

He used it referring to his bank account getting raped by charges from his bank. When I called him on it he said he was referring to the 2nd definition in the Oxford dictionary that defines it as to wantonly destroy. (Cue his knuckle-dragger friends coming on and cheering and back-slapping him for his cleverness). Technically he is correct I guess but I really hate the way he and his generation (he's 18 years younger than me) use that term, because I think they reckon they are being all hip and edgy by using it (he had to look it up in the dictionary to get that definition before he posted his response!) because it gets a response from what they commonly refer to as man-hating feminists. I think it's part of the problem contributing to the normalisation of rape.

Am I being oversensitive? I also hate the term 'frape', which he also uses on a regular basis.

Apologies if I seem to post and run, it being a school morning.

What about if someone posted 'I could murder a cuppa about now'?

Oops posted too soon - I meant to add would you feel similarly?

Try posting "Do you really think being charged £20 is equivalent in its devastation to being anally penetrated against your will?"

people never heard of oil seed rape, really???
ANyway, that's beside the point. If I heard the word "rape" I wouldn't wonder whether they meant the oil seed variety.
Murder, rightly or wrongly, is in common use as an exaggeration for effect. "I could have murdered him". I'd like to think I wouldn't say it (can't be 100% sure) but it's not the same

How has anyone not heard of oil seed rape?

YWNBU to tell him that it's a stupid and offensive thing to say.

I trained one (younger) colleague out of saying "gay" for "rubbish" (that's so gay) by asking if he was sure he was old enough to be in the workplace, surely nobody over 15 says "gay" like that, every time he did it.

"Murder, rightly or wrongly, is in common use as an exaggeration for effect. "I could have murdered him". I'd like to think I wouldn't say it (can't be 100% sure) but it's not the same"

Yep, it is the same. You're just used to hearing it. I can understand that some might not want this to happen to the word "rape" but do you think that the casual use of the word "murder" has devalued the horror of the act? Or can we separate the use of it in language as a metaphor from its literal meaning in law? I think the latter.

I take your point. Not sure what the answer is.

But you could say the word murder in this context is hardly ever used nowadays but the word rape in this weird trivial context is massively on the rise.
Why is that?

Fork, I can see the parallel. I would rather murder as a word hadn't been devalued in that way but as it has been its impact in the usage quoted is far lower than that of the word rape in the context of the OP. I'd rather stop the word rape going the same way. No it doesn't devalue the act but it does devalue the word.

Also there are far fewer murder myths than rape myths so perhaps the word is on "stronger ground" in the first place.

Yanbu. Unfortunately people seem to see it as something to joke about.

I was at college a few years ago and a girl in our group was telling us how she'd been lying in a field with friends and then went and got the bus home. The bus driver asked her why she was covered in grass and she replied "Oh I've been raped, hahahaha" I let rip at her. Told her "yes, rape is sooooooo funny to joke about, isn't it hilarious how my friend had a rapists baby and my auntie also got raped twice, once in her own home? Yeah let's all sit and laugh at them" she went bright red and gaped at me like a fish. Silly cow it still makes me mad even 4 years on!

My persoanl opinion is that most people on MN really overthink this stuff. DH says rape in a non sexual context sometimes. I have heard other people say it. Noone ever gets offended. But then I have never known anyone as 'offended' as the people on MN. Gets on my nerves a bit to be honest.

That's ok angryfeet. Rape gets on my nerves a lot.

I would have not been bothered about it because of the context it was used. Probably not a popular viewpoint on here but still [shrug]

Hissy's suggestion is awesome, I will do that if he carries on! Quoting the Oxford dictionary as I go

I understand you are annoyed.

but if he posts it to get a rise from 'man hating feminists' didn't you just play into his hands?

yanbu I pull people when the use the other r word, if they defend it or carry on, they are gone.

Defriend him. Anyone who deliberately posts statuses to goad pretty much anyone about anything gets or hidden by me (my brither pists liads of leftie nonsense intended to wind me up he dorsnt know I don't see it). If they decide to be mysoginistic at the same time that's absolute curtains for me.

So what brighteyed? If someone said something racist I'd pull them on it even if I thought they were trying to provoke me.

The yellow rape in fields grown for cooking oil used to be commonly called charlock in my day.

YANBU.

I call people out on the casual use of rape on twitter and facebook a lot and I don't care that it makes me look highly strung. I really can't bear it. It demeans the experience of women who have been raped, IMO.

i have never heard the word frape here on planet "edges"

I get uneasy about "rape" being used casually, and I also used to know someone who had a stock "If xyz trivial thing goes wrong, I might just have to kill myself" line, which made me flinch a bit.

Saying "I could have murdered him" puts the speaker metaphorically in the role of aggressor. Both the OP's example and the suicide example put the speaker in the role of the victim of what are very serious and damaging events. I've never heard anyone say "he practically murdered me with an axe and stuffed my dismembered body in a trunk" to describe being told off at work, and I'd think it a bit off if I did hear it.

I think he's being disingenuous. Yes, it has more than one meaning, but surely most people use it and mean it in its sexual-violence context. I suspect that's how he meant it in his status.

If he and his 'knuckle-dragging' friends and their FB activity piss you off, defriend him. Or do you like him in RL?

His reference to the second definition is just smart-arsery - you and he and his friends know he wasn't just innocently using an unfreighted word. He sounds like an idiot to be honest.