To think that red hair on a 14yo isn't a discipline issue?

[GilbGeekette]

14 yo DD (just starting Year 10) has just been sent home from school on her first day for having "too bright" hair. Her hair is dyed auburn/red (having had it neon pink all summer) in accordance with, I thought, school policy of dyed hair having to fall into the spectrum of 'natural' hair colour. Her HoY rang me (apologetically, it must be said) and I accepted (even though I disagree) that they weren't happy with the colour, and said I would re-dye it tonight. This wasn't good enough, and I was given a choice between her spending the day in the 'isolation room' (with no set work) or her coming home and me re-dying it now. I've taken the latter option, as I'm a SAHM - if I was working this wouldn't have been an option.

I'm accepting (ish) of the school thinking that her hair isn't a reasonable colour, but AIBU in thinking that verbal assurances from me that it would be rectified by tomorrow morning should be enough? Fwiw, there are no discipline/behavioural issues with DD and school, (quite the contrary - they've always been extremely positive about her) and until now I thought that we'd all had a good relationship...

Was just gonna say the same thing Fut.

What is the name of the colour as the link you posted gave lots of different colours. The watermelon red one didn't look like a natural red. No school is going to send home a natural redhead to those who said this. That would definitely appear in the Daily Mail the next day.
I'm interested about the isolation rooms that schools seem to have nowadays. Presumably there must be lots of isolation rooms to accomodate each child who is sent to isolation?

But squeakytoy, it really won't affect their careers! The kids that are dying their hair, piercing their faces ARE the future employers and will know hair colour and piercings aren't what make you good or bad at your job.

Presumably people like you and catwoo will be inside your houses not daring to go out as some people don't look as "uniform" as you'd like

Queuing is "for the greater good". Young people having sober hair is not in that category imo.

As for drinking and smoking pot, I was under the impression possessing pot is illgal, as is buying alcohol for under 18s

Think the child will decide to drink vodka and smoke pot, parents are not going to decide that for them however well "trained "they are!!

I would be very disapointed if my child never challenged any rules, even if only in his head.

I went to school and had a light pink streak in my hair that just wouldn't fuck off. I was sent home.

The lad with the bright blue hair was not

I was also also sent home because I had a tattoo on my back and the only reason the teacher was because someone told her so she asked me to show her. Then said its not acceptable that its on show

Well I for one wouldn't want to be represented in court by a barrister with a pink mohican and multiple piercings - not that they'd be likely to make it that far.

If I was having a heart attack obviously I wouldn't be in a position to turn down medical help from a doctor with a similar appearance. But if I'm wanting a consultant for my elderly mother I'd have to choose someone else I'm afraid as she would find their appearance very intimidating and to me that would signify the consultant's need to be an individual was more important to them than having an appearance that puts their patients at ease and instills confidence.

So yeah go ahead and tell your kids 'Of course you can be come a barrister darling and you can wear whatever you want whenever you want'. See how far it get them.

Sorry but kids must learn that in a lot of situations they need to conform. And if they don't want to there will be consequences.

Oh and no-one is making comparisons to someone with disfigurements they can't help - it's the element of choosing a particular appearance that's the issue.

'Yes of course within reason, rules ought to be respected but I think if they are completely arbitrary, then that is counterproductive as it makes some kids feel that rules don't deserve to be followed...iyswim.

They only get that idea if their parents encourage them to think that some rules can't be followed. '

Oh I really don't agree with this. I think they are normally capable of working out whether a rule is silly or not, especially in the context of uniform - it's nothing to do with a general laxity on the part of the parents with regard to following rules. IMO.
'Would you let your child 'decide' that she wanted to hold a party where she could drink vodka and smoke pot with her mates? I assume not. But if you chose not to, that's because there are laws about who can drink and smoke pot, and you're choosing to stay within the confines of that social construct.'

No, it's because (or would be because) I didn't think it was a good idea, for any number of very good reasons - only one of which might be the law, and further, I think that law is a fair one, as are many of the laws we have.

If we lived somewhere where laws were crap - for instance the sort that prevent women from wearing certain clothes, and so on - I might think differently. But then, I may choose not to live somewhere like that, just as I might choose a school that is fairly liberal about hair colour.

By the way thanks for explaining what you meant.

And I think queueing is a helpful thing for most people.

And that, titchy is my point! Your ELDERLY mother! It's an old fashioned, outdated way of thinking and personally it would take a hell of a lot more than the colour of someone's hair to intimidate me, but then I don't stereotype people.

And can I just ask why you wouldn't want a barrister with a bright pink Mohican? He might be the best in his field. The one with the mousy brown hair that you chose could be completely shit!

I tend to judge actions rather than appearance

"But squeakytoy, it really won't affect their careers! The kids that are dying their hair, piercing their faces ARE the future employers and will know hair colour and piercings aren't what make you good or bad at your job."

They do have to get the jobs first though.

And as someone who bleached, dyed, shaved my own hair (and still do), I would expect a candidate for a job to have put some effort into making themselves more "neutral" for a job interview if I were the employer.

Put it this way, lets say I have two potential employees, both with the same level of qualifications. One has "normal" blonde/brown/ginger hair, is dressed in typical business wear, and looks neat, the other rocks up with bright pink hair, eyebar and nose piercing, skinny jeans and a vest top.. and I want someone who is dealing with clients at all levels for my company. Who am I most likely to employ?

For all I know, the girl with the neutral appearance may go out at weekends dressed in a bikini top and hot pants, with multicoloured extensions in her hair, and multiple facial piercings, showing off numerous tattoos.. I dont care, because what she does in her private life has no impact on my business, but I dont want to lose sales because my clients think she looks unprofessional.

StealthPolarBear

Queuing is "for the greater good". Young people having sober hair is not in that category imo.

But the greater good here is for the school, being able to educate and discipline the kids without disruption.

As for drinking and smoking pot, I was under the impression possessing pot is illgal, as is buying alcohol for under 18s

But they're still simply part of a social construct. Why 18? Why not 16? Why not 21? Why is pot illegal and not tobacco?

Those rules are arbitrary, uneven and created by a particular society. As is the rule on hairstyles in this school.

This is the core of my point - that these rules are entirely arbitrary and if parents encourage their children to consider arbitrary rules as an irrelevance, that attitude towards those rules will permeate everything. Socialists bang on about 'social cohesion' and 'following the rules' is part of social cohesion.

If you want 'society', you have to suck up the fact that lots of rules are ridiculous. Queuing is ridiculous.

FutTheShuckUp

Ridiculous comparison yet again. Vodka and pot- harmful to people. Pink hair- harms nobody!

Since when was vodka and pot harmful? Vodka isn't harmful unless drunk to excess. Pot isn't harmful as far as we know although there are too few clinical trials.

What I'm finding ridiculous here is how few of you recognise that what you consider to be 'normal' is just a passing fad.

I wouldn't be too concerned about a school not allowing dyed hair. I'd be more concerned about something I've read about a few times on MN which is kids being made to wear blazers inside school on boiling hot days. That would really annoy me. When I was at high school many years ago we were able to choose whether we needed a jumper or not, depending on the temperature and that's how i think it should be. I'd be horrified if my kids were sweltering because of a keep your blazer on rule.

If you really believe that queueing serves no purpose then I think we have hugely different attitudes to certain things.

Also, pot has been shown to increase the risks of mental health problems so it's not harmless. Don't know about vodka but I would think that even in small amounts it does a small amount of damage.

But the greater good here is for the school, being able to educate and discipline the kids without disruption.

I don't understand how people having different coloured hair is disruptive. If the girl was whispering to her friends or not doing homework, yes, but her hair would just be sitting there.

And you really don't think vodka nd pot are harmful. People are admitted to hospital because of the short and long term effects of alcohol and it can and does kill. I'm willing to bet it harms more people than hair dye.

Squeakytoy, So it'll be bra top and hot pants girl employing them in the future then!

Whatever way you dress it up, people are getting more liberal with their ideas of "normal".

100 years ago skirts were ankle length and tops were up to the neck, that was the norm. Jesus, even elvis was offensive once upon a time!!

I'm just saying that attitudes change and actually hair colour and piercings have no bearing on how good a person is at their job, which I think most sensible people know.

Or indeed, how well they are doing at school.

Well I guess it sets a bad example if tbey let her stay in classes whilst breaking the rules. Also gives you extra time to apply the colour. Love neon pink though.

The school is just taking a zero tolerance approach, I doubt they really care about the hair. My school was the same, we were given detention if we wore black rather than green tights, made to wash off eyeliner etc. To be fair it seemed to have the desired effect with very few bigger issues arising. news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/182553.stm

Is it me or do many people on this thread seem to be under the impression that the OP sent her DD to school with pink hair?

Pink hair - school reaction quite fair

Auburn hair (closer to brunette than my own, natural, red) - school reaction bizarre and OTT

I think this distinction is pretty important. Normally I am on the side of schools in these instances as I think "professional" appearance is important in a school but nothing here suggests she was acting inappropriately.

I have not stated OP sent her DD to school with pink hair. I stated I loved pink hair. Not the same at all.

IMO these sorts of rules are deliberately introduced by schools with serious discipline problems.

1. they allow schools to send trouble makers home for uniform rule breaking reasons which is far easier and less confrontational than sending a violent little sod home

1. they allow the school to pretend to itself (and OFSTED) that it has got a handle on its discipline problem (when in reality it hasnt) 'look how strict we are, we sent 45 children home for wearing the wrong coloured shirt'

Of course the school still has a discipline problem it is just that everyone is now smartly dressed.

I dont agree with these petty rules and my DCs know that I dont but I also insist that they follow them. It is possible to disagree with a rule and obey it.

Hair not good. Brown dye over red/auburn = burgundy (I'm clueless, maybe I should have known this would happen .) Le sigh. Have spoken to her HoY again, who is lovely. She'll stay at home today, will go in tomorrow, HoY will decide whether it's acceptable for one day until I dye it again over the weekend. If not, she'll be in isolation with some work to do. Will re-dye over the weekend to (fingers crossed) 100% fix it. HoY happy that we are having constructive dialogue. I'm happy HoY is being reasonable. Daughter being accepting of need to change colour. This means no-one is currently BU, does it not?

Madness. Why does she need to be isolated?
The hair was not dyed shocking pink, a call to mother to please tone it down should have been sufficient, though even that seems ott

Given that my old school did nothing about people wearing jewelry, make up and very short skirts/open blouses (all of which were not allowed) I wouldn't have given a flying fuck what they thought about my hair (has been bright red, purple and blonde while at school) thankfully they never mentioned it. Still did very well at school :)