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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that red hair on a 14yo isn't a discipline issue?

251 replies

GilbGeekette · 06/09/2012 10:36

14 yo DD (just starting Year 10) has just been sent home from school on her first day for having "too bright" hair. Her hair is dyed auburn/red (having had it neon pink all summer) in accordance with, I thought, school policy of dyed hair having to fall into the spectrum of 'natural' hair colour. Her HoY rang me (apologetically, it must be said) and I accepted (even though I disagree) that they weren't happy with the colour, and said I would re-dye it tonight. This wasn't good enough, and I was given a choice between her spending the day in the 'isolation room' (with no set work) or her coming home and me re-dying it now. I've taken the latter option, as I'm a SAHM - if I was working this wouldn't have been an option.

I'm accepting (ish) of the school thinking that her hair isn't a reasonable colour, but AIBU in thinking that verbal assurances from me that it would be rectified by tomorrow morning should be enough? Fwiw, there are no discipline/behavioural issues with DD and school, (quite the contrary - they've always been extremely positive about her) and until now I thought that we'd all had a good relationship...

OP posts:
flatpackhamster · 06/09/2012 11:20

EdMcDunnough

And why on earth would this be a problem?

I do not understand this sort of petty rubbish that schools seem to think is so important.
It makes me really cross.

It's important for children to learn to do what they're told. Many parents seem to think that discipline is completely irrelevant, which makes teachers' jobs impossible.

Look, if you don't like the rules, don't send your child to the school. Home-school them, then you can have them wearing what they like.

catwoo · 06/09/2012 11:20

Well the Ip has said she agrees (ish) with the school that the colour does not look natural.
Allowing Unconventional hair colour and styles does cheapen the image of a school IMO .

AppleCrumbleAndFish · 06/09/2012 11:21

Rules about appearance at school do have a point though.

FWIW I don't always agree on school rules but I do accept that my DC do have to follow the rules of their chosen school. DD1 wouldn't consider a 6th form which had a requirement for the students to wear 'business dress'. She has chosen one which allows her to go in looking as though she's just rolled out of bed and I support her choice completely.

catwoo · 06/09/2012 11:21

IP? OP

caramel1 · 06/09/2012 11:21

The schools are probably trying to show that their pupils are smartly turned out and will be a good example.

When I was at school I had a pvc skirt ( yes I know, but I was 14) it was the regulation length. One of the rules was no leather skirts, so my mum had to go in a prove that it was pvc.

There were also 3 students who had mohican hairdo's. There was a complete hoo haa over that, but they backed down and said hair could be no higher than 3 inches. One of the students was an actor in swallows and amazons, he had the highest and he didn't take any notice.

Squibsquib · 06/09/2012 11:22

I'm with the posters who think so what? Who cares what colour her hair is, as long as she's happy and learning and not being disruptive, what's the problem?

Years ago, when my db got his ear pierced, my df went nuts. It's not at all unusual now.

I honestly couldn't give a shit what anyone looks like, if they're a nice person/ good at their job, who the fuck cares?!

We spend our lives telling our dc's that looks don't matter and beauty is only skin deep and then tell them certain looks are not acceptable?

Would you seriously refuse to be treated by a dr who had blue hair? Or a solicitor who had a pierced eyebrow?

StealthPolarBear · 06/09/2012 11:22

I work at a place which supports the "just rolled out of bed" look, it's fantastic

Ragwort · 06/09/2012 11:23

Totally agree with Oatie's comments, I think it is really sad that girls (or boys) are encouraged to waste time and energy in dyeing their hair. I think the school is right to be very strict on this.

What is your daughter's natural hair colour out of interest?

My DS was heavily disciplined yesterday, his first day of secondary school, for what (from what he told me which may of course not be the whole truth) appears to have been a fairly minor issue however I totally back up the school, told him to stick to rules and just behave himself.

BlackberryIce · 06/09/2012 11:23

Op..... Never mind the hair issue! May I compliment you on Your 14 year old dd's gracious attitude to it, you have raised her well! She seems to be complying with not much trouble and accepting it needed re doing ( mine wouldn't be as appeasing!)

WorraLiberty · 06/09/2012 11:25

Totally agree with Blackberry there

catwoo · 06/09/2012 11:26

'Would you seriously refuse to be treated by a dr who had blue hair? Or a solicitor who had a pierced eyebrow'

I wouldn't be happy at all

StealthPolarBear · 06/09/2012 11:26

While I think its sad girls (and boys moreso now) are encouraged to look 'perfect' I do think some obsession with appearance is normal and dying hair at the age is no big deal, especially when its pink, green, black etc. I'd be more bothered if my dd wanted to go the perfect shade of blonde, orbhave perfect highlights.

imnotmymum · 06/09/2012 11:26

Our dentist is about 50 and has her grey hair highlighted with blue and pink she looks great and is a great dentist and a lovely lady. The kids love her !

FutTheShuckUp · 06/09/2012 11:27

I think discipline is am totally different issue to hair style/colour. The two aren't mutually exclusive.
My kids wouldn't be allowed to be insolent disruptive or rude. Having blue/green/pink hair wouldn't mean they would be allowed to be any of those things though.

DeliciousIrony · 06/09/2012 11:27

I don't understand this upset about hair colour, tbh. I wasn't at school very long ago and we didn't have any rules about this. Nor did we have a 'sea of raindows', either!

Sending her home was an overrection, what a waste of everyone's time.

FutTheShuckUp · 06/09/2012 11:28

Cat really get real. So if you were having a heart attack your first thought would be 'that doctors hair doesnt look very professional'???

SoupDragon · 06/09/2012 11:28

Which other school rules to you think are optional then?

EdMcDunnough · 06/09/2012 11:28

'It's important for children to learn to do what they're told. Many parents seem to think that discipline is completely irrelevant, which makes teachers' jobs impossible.'

I think it's important to do what they are told if it is, well, important.
Yes of course within reason, rules ought to be respected but I think if they are completely arbitrary, then that is counterproductive as it makes some kids feel that rules don't deserve to be followed...iyswim.

I really believe it's a case of making sensible rules that everyone agrees are a good and reasonable idea - not just coming up with a load of silly ones or less important ones, in order to teach children to follow them.

Squibsquib · 06/09/2012 11:28

Omg, catwoo, REALLY?!! That doctor could be the leading specialist in the world and you'd say no, just because of the colour of their hair?!! Not only is that cutting off your nose to spite your face, it's also very, very shallow.

StealthPolarBear · 06/09/2012 11:29

Yes fut! It's about deciding what's important to you I suppose. Though I should probably say at this point my oldest is in the infants :o no idea what'll happen when I'm actually confronted with a real-life teenager

FutTheShuckUp · 06/09/2012 11:30

For instance, many kids who are good pupils will want to become hairdressers, how many hairdressers do you see with uniform sensible hair do's and fashion sense? Kids start to develop and identity and ideas about themselves when they are this age, and I think this should be encouraged

Vicky2011 · 06/09/2012 11:30

But looking at the link then the OP's DDs hair was less red than mine is naturally!!

What a bizarre overreaction from the school.

CakeBump · 06/09/2012 11:33

Talking about doctors/lawyers with dyed hair is irrelevant to the OP though.

The DD in question is 14, and at that age, the rules are the rules.

FWIW the colour linked to doesn't seem OTT to me, but school have decided it's the "thin end of the wedge" and that is that.

She has to suck it up, as does the OP (which the OP does seem to be doing). I agree though to miss a day's school seems too much. I can't see why she couldn't have been told to change it after school.

FutTheShuckUp · 06/09/2012 11:34

My kids are 5 and 7.
I thought about this yesterday when I saw a girl and her friend in their school uniform walking through town. The one girl had that half a head of hair shaved off look thats in fashion at the moment, and green at the bottom of her hair. I thought my daughter wont be going to school looking like that, then I thought hang on- why not? I certainly experimented with my hair, as did most others.
I also thought then why should people be judged on their hair/appearance anyway? I work in a professional role and work with some people who look unconventional but are shit hot at their job so why teach kids different hair colour/styles are so unacceptable? Why not teach them its whats inside and their capabilities that matter?

EdMcDunnough · 06/09/2012 11:35

I agree Fut. What is wrong with expressing yourself through hair colour? Why does it offend people's sensibilities?

Our teachers were a right bunch. Half were middle aged women with zero sense of style and identikit M&S nylon frocks. The others were a mixture of smartly dressed females that everyone was a bit scared of and an assortment of very unruly men, one of whom looked like an ape in sunglasses with a huge black beard (computer studies - having affair with a 3rd year) and one who wore sort of woven robes sometimes and sandals, or bare feet (though we weren't allowed to). RE needless to say.