To think that red hair on a 14yo isn't a discipline issue?

[GilbGeekette]

14 yo DD (just starting Year 10) has just been sent home from school on her first day for having "too bright" hair. Her hair is dyed auburn/red (having had it neon pink all summer) in accordance with, I thought, school policy of dyed hair having to fall into the spectrum of 'natural' hair colour. Her HoY rang me (apologetically, it must be said) and I accepted (even though I disagree) that they weren't happy with the colour, and said I would re-dye it tonight. This wasn't good enough, and I was given a choice between her spending the day in the 'isolation room' (with no set work) or her coming home and me re-dying it now. I've taken the latter option, as I'm a SAHM - if I was working this wouldn't have been an option.

I'm accepting (ish) of the school thinking that her hair isn't a reasonable colour, but AIBU in thinking that verbal assurances from me that it would be rectified by tomorrow morning should be enough? Fwiw, there are no discipline/behavioural issues with DD and school, (quite the contrary - they've always been extremely positive about her) and until now I thought that we'd all had a good relationship...

that's a lot of dyeing :(

Squib - the judge would be far more likely to find for the barrister with the mousy brown hair even if s/he was crap and the pink haired one was fab - judges are on the whole very straight-laced bunch. So I'd go for mousy brown. You may not like it, I may not like it (FWIW I'd much prefer to assess someone on the basis of their ability and personality), but the reality is that others (judges, the elderly) don't, and if as a professional person you don't understand that I'd be questioning both your ability and your attitude to your client and profession.

Will it fade?

What's their take on the use of the hijab, OP?

Stealth - I know. Hence why school and I have agreed that I won't dye it today to rectify it further. Think it may warrant a trip to my lovely hairdresser who will know what do to...

Extremes in colour (or unnatural colour), and extreme styles are not acceptable."

Good grief, did they put the comma in? I would be more shocked by the bad punctuation.

I think my DH would have failed their 'extremes in colour' rule with his natural hair colour. It's orange; not auburn, ginger, red. It is just plain orange.

EdMcDunnough

No, you're missing the point.

I'm using queueing as an example of a social construct. I'm saying that queueing is not a global or universal behaviour but that it is socially accepted because it reduces confrontation and friction.

I am NOT SAYING that I don't queue. OK? Do you understand that?

OK, let's move on. You don't get what I'm saynig and I can't think of simpler ways to explain it.

StealthPolarBear

Why is it that you're all becoming so fixated with the examples I'm giving? Why do we suddenly start debating the 'dangers' of alcohol? The point I was making is that we fix the age of consumption at 18, other countries do it at 16 or 21 or 25, so the choice of 18 isn't based on any science but based on socially acceptable norms.

Same with the age of consent - 14 in some countries such as Spain and Portugal, 16 in the UK, 18 in other countries.

These ages are socially acceptable norms. They are how society operates here, now, at this time.

The same applies to this school, where the socially acceptable norms include hair colour.

Children need to learn that they have to conform to the rules before they can learn - as adults - which rules are important and relevant and which are not.

I'm not. Point I'm making is that I can see the logic of some seemingly arbitrary rules or social constructs. Some I can't. "hair shall be black, Brown or blond" is one I can't

I think it depends on the uniform/appearance policy at the school.

My secondary school had a very strict uniform policy. Being a complete nerd a naice girl I was never ticked off but heels and skirts were measured, we were made to remove "excess" jewellery, sent home if hair colours or styles were deemed too outrageous and were not allowed to return until it was fixed. One boy came in with a grade 1 haircut and was informed he could not return until it had grown back.

I'm guessing the colour of your daughters hair is the very dark auburn/red on the right hand side? I'm also presuming that if your DD's hair has been pink all summer it would have needed to have been bleached first (??) in which case the colour may have come out far more vibrant.

YADNBU that your assurance should be enough, but the school are probably thinking that it would then set a precedent. My DCs are still very young (and are boys!) so I have not had to deal with this issue yet but I think if it were me in your position I would rather deal with her at home than have her sat in isolation with nothing to do all day.

God this makes dread DD's going to High School ... I hate strict Uniform rules and all this boring uniformity. I recall a couple of proper goth girls at my school in the '80's bible black hair, dm's with neon laces, neon socks and fishnets under tight skirts and even jumpers ripped at the sides and held together with pins! Sounds like modern Head teachers would spontaneously combust at the sight ! Strictly against the rules even then - but I can assure you that they did not represent a thin end of the wedge - they were memorable because they were the only ones. My friends thought they were daring if they put bottle caps on their shoes a la Bros!

Bigmouth, your name has put a huge (and much needed) on my face. That is all.

But just because you can't see the logic doesn't mean there isn't one surely?

As an extreme DM-type example the paedophile saying well I don't see why you can't have sex with a 5 year old doesn't mean it's OK for them to do that.

And kids haven't yet gained the experience to evaluate rules and social constructs, and realise the consequences of going against those rules and constructs, so they're not really in a position to fully decide for themselves.

No dyed hair at ds's middle school or at the local High school - very very strict uniform policy. Good thing imo.

Glad to be of service Gilb

StealthPolarBear

That's partly my point. Some of them don't appear to make any sense. Most of them don't, in fact. Where's the 'logic' in an age of consent at 16 here but 14 in Spain and 18 in the USA?
But you can't expect children to work out which are right and which are wrong. They need to learn, from experience, and I don't think it's a good example to set to a child to suggest to them that you can pick and choose which rules you fancy obeying. Do that and very quickly you get discipline problems in schools.

Apols for the retraction at 14:09 - realised that I was close to outing the school. Hair colour can not be extreme or unnatural, religious head coverings should be black.

So are we discouraging thinking and questioning then? Because if asked why we queue or drive on the left by a child I could easily answer. If asked why hair has to be a shade of brown, id struggle.

bigmouth I agree completely - it's sad that uniforms are so strict now, even down to hair colour. Mine was purple, red and orange when at high school, though I never bleached it first so it just had a lovely purple, or red shine. I remember being asked if my mum minded about it - her opinion was that it was hair and it will grow, it wasn't hurting anyone (but the less said about the dye stains in the bath the better).
I even remember being asked by my geography teacher to buy her some dye as she liked the colour of my hair so much!

And the thread isn't about whether the rule should be obeyed. Everyone agrees. The thread asks whether the rile has in fact been broken. And if the answer is yes, was the school overreacting to say red hair: no education today. Though Tbh from the way a lot of people speak about missing school its no big deal. She'll have learned just as much in her isolation chamber as he would from a day in school.

You can get something from Boots called Colourb4, it strips all the dye out of your hair (takes a while and you have to follow the instructions to the letter) and them you can put a semi permanent dye over to even out the end result.

www.boots.com/en/Colour-B4-Hair-Colour-Remover_1000978/

Sorry, don't know how to do a proper link.

It will take her hair more or less back to the bleached colour, use a semi dye a few times and when her hair is back in an ok condition (the stripper will dry her hair so lots of conditioner) then use a permanent dye as close to her natural colour that you can get.

at "isolation chamber" Makes me think of a dungeon.

Erm, that is a natural hair colour?!

I could understand if she had been sent back for having bright pink/green/blue hair, but it's auburn.

DD has gone back to Y10 with the remains of a Live Colour dark red. I was half expecting this call myself, but none of the teachers have commented on it, and she had a conversation with the HT yesterday.

And this IS a school that does automatic ISO for 'unnatural' hair colours.

Personally, it grates on me that schools now try to stifle any individuality, I can't see that hair dye affects a child's ability to read or write or do their schoolwork.

The majority of jobs don't decree what colour hair is 'allowed', so I can't see the purpose of this rule, myself.

I did buy a brown hair dye in expectation if the 'call', but it hasn't happened, so it's still in the box, and DD still has reddish hair.

Natural colour means the natural colour of that student. You can't dye brown hair platinum blond and say it is a natural colour.
If you are concerned then check uniform policy when you apply for a school.