amibu mil plans for family photo

[Strawhatpirate]

My mil with whom I have a very difficult relationship with has asked for a family portrait next year including my unborn ds but has made it clear to dh I an not to be included. She has told dh that she only wants her partner her dcs and there respective dcs! Am I being oversensitive to find this a bit of a piss take?

NO you are DNBU, you are now part of her family. Your DH needs to tell her it's the three of you or none of you.

That's just plain weird. Tell him to sort her out.

What does you're DH thnk about it?

not surprised you're not happy about it.

You are part of her family. As a MIL, I would never do this (I might exclude my DC's SM though - still rankles)

Do the other siblings have partners?

YADNBU. I hope your DH tells her to do one.

If it was just you then YANBU but if none of the other siblings partners are included then I don't know if you are.

No, this is nuts.

It would be reasonable for her to have a few photos with different groupings (like they do at weddings), but to be planning a family photo that specifically excludes SILs and DILs is, as you say, a piss take.

Having said that, for the sake of your blood pressure, I would let her get on with it.

YADNB-She needs to realise you are part of the family whether she likes it or not.
Without you she wouldn't have a grandson, so if she doesn't want you in the photo why should your son be in it?!

Your dh needs to stand up to her!

What Soup said. If she has other DC and their partners are going to be on the photo then YANBU. If on the other hand they aren't, then it's just her being a bit strange.

This could be a great time for your DP to get that pink Mohican he's always wanted.

Wow, I'm surprised. It's not uncommon here to have photos of the direct descendants going down the line, excluding the people that have married in.

I'm a lone voice, but why shouldn't she want a photo with her children and grandchildren? My aunt had one like this done at her 80th birthday. It's a beautiful photo.

Why don't you suggest that as everyone is together, they get one with all the partners too, as you would like a copy?

Where's "here", Jeezy? [interested]

awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

Also, depending on your MIL's taste, you might be advised to steer clear anyway.

Its a small place, I don't want to out myself! Umm - a Scottish island. Is that specific enough for you?

We've done exactly that and my parents loved having a photo of them and all their descendants - and they love all their SILs to bits so excluding them was not a sign of not loving them. And then of course we also have one with all our DPs in too - its no trouble to do both once you are gathered with everyone there and a photographer.

So it's not a piss take, it's a reasonable request, but equally reasonable for your DP to say he wants one with you included.

Oh yes, that's fine. Just wondered if it was not in the UK. :)

Well I don't think it is unreasonable to ask. I can see that you would find it difficult if your relationship with your mil is already strained though. We have a family pic of great granny plus direct descendants and no partners and some with the extras too. Made no odds to us really. I think there was some kind of tradition of just including the direct relatives in the photos.

It wouldn't really bother me TBH

It's the same as Jezzy and Working,in my experience.

It is mearly a blood relation desentants photo, it wouldn't be considered unusual where i come from (many goin for family portraits in their living room).

It is a follow on from a family tree.

I don't think that it is a slight at all.

It wouldn't bother me to have a blood descendants only pic - but it would be one amongst the hundreds that MIL has (and craves yet more of).

If this is an unusual one-off request, then yes I'd take it as a snub. (And consider training the DCs to pull silly faces).

OK thought about it a bit and basically, I think your plan should depend on how much loyalty you expect from your DH, and how annoying you find your MIL.

First, you have been officially snubbed, so do not on any account agree to take part - your only option is sabotage.

Next, find out the preferred style of the photographer. If it is one of those 'modern school photo'/Venture types, your DH needs to wear a suit and KEEP HIS SHOES ON AT ALL TIMES. Check out passport photo guidelines from the home office for pose ideas.

If the style is more traditional, he needs to bring some multicoloured balls to throw randomly in the air, and generally pirouette around in the foreground.

How is it more of a snub if it's a one-off? Surely if there are loads already then they don't really need another one...

Depends if you're the only one missed off and any of her other dil's are on it. If that's the case then YADNBU.
If they're not on it either then YABU.

Why not have that one done and also one with everyone on it?

If she isn't including any other of her DCs' partners, then maybe she's aiming for the descendants photo. Not something I would do, but it might be her thing.

It might not be a slight to you, but because of past history it may feel that way anyway.

But YANBU for feeling left out, and maybe suggest another photo with partners too?

My PIL had a family portrait done and included me back when I was still only DH's girlfriend (of a year or so). And they included BIL's then GF and her daughter too. So, very inclusive.