Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

amibu mil plans for family photo

89 replies

Strawhatpirate · 05/09/2012 06:41

My mil with whom I have a very difficult relationship with has asked for a family portrait next year including my unborn ds but has made it clear to dh I an not to be included. She has told dh that she only wants her partner her dcs and there respective dcs! Am I being oversensitive to find this a bit of a piss take?

OP posts:
Katienana · 05/09/2012 08:39

I would be hurt by this, you should either not cooperate or sabotage! Whats to lose if she doesn't like you? My sisters mil does this loads including on my sis wedding day! Now that is inexcusable.

Nanny0gg · 05/09/2012 08:44

Your DH may be annoyed, but what did he actually say to his mother?

EugenesAxe · 05/09/2012 09:56

My first thought was 'She can fuck off.'

That's totally unreasonable and frankly, weird. Poor you - I hate people like this. I don't get what's so special about people in your family that have some of your blood in them (in theory), over people that are in your family through marriage. I hope I'm never like this when DS finds a life partner.

missymoomoomee · 05/09/2012 10:04

I guess I can see her thinking, if one of her children and their partner split then it would be awkward having the photo on display, especially if her child then got a new partner. Although in her position I would probably have some with the partners and some without.

HeavenlyChocolate · 05/09/2012 10:04

Hmm it depends - if it's just your dh, his brothers/sisters and their children then I don't see a problem (as a child I was the grandchild in a simular potrait with my grandparents.) However, if all the other respective partners are included and you're not then I can totally see your point. If that is the case, your DH needs to put his foot down and tell his mum straight.

honeytea · 05/09/2012 10:08

I think it is a great idea to have just the blood family in a photo, the unfortunate truth is that it is unlikely that all the couples will stay together and then there would be an ex in the photo.

Pagwatch · 05/09/2012 10:09

NannyOgg

Isn't to know that too and asked up thread but to no response.

I want to know how that on versatile goes

DH: so you don't want my wife in the photo. Is it a bloodline thing?
MIL: no.i actually don't like your ice. I don't like any of the DIL for various reasons..
DH :

Come on. I want to know how that happens. I am fair bursting to know..

Pagwatch · 05/09/2012 10:09

Conversation. Not versatile [sigh]

McHappyPants2012 · 05/09/2012 10:11

honeytea i agree

boredandrestless · 05/09/2012 10:13

She has told your dcs that she doesn't want you and her other D/S in laws in the photo because she doesn't like them!?

Someone who was happy to slag me off to my dcs wouldn't be spending time with them full stop, never mind being in a family photo with them that i was banned from!

I am also interested to know what your DH's response was to this conversation where your mil stated her dislike for her dgc's mother in front of them. ?

boredandrestless · 05/09/2012 10:15

honeytea she doesn't just want blood relations in it though as she is having her partner in the photo. Who I'm assuming is a new partner and not OP's husband's father as OP has said he is not related by blood to her dcs (not their biological grandfather).

HeavenlyChocolate · 05/09/2012 10:17

If my MIL told me she didn't like me I'd refuse to go to hers if that's how she felt. I wouldn't stop the children (dp could take them) but I'd make it clear that she wouldn't be welcome in my home either as she doesn't like me so much.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/09/2012 10:22

"she specificaly told all dcs icluding dh that the reason she doesn't want any of their partners to be present because she dislikes us all for various reasons"
And all her children are still willing to participate in the photograph? Not one of them has taken sufficient offence at her behaviour to tell her no, they DON'T want to be in her "family" photograph? Sheesh.

MildredIsMyAlterEgo · 05/09/2012 10:29

I think the question you should be asking yourself is whether YWBU to allow yourself your DCs to draw a moustache on MIL's face on the finished portrait once it has pride of place above the mantlepiece Smile

Katienana · 05/09/2012 10:36

If my gps had done this my beloved aunt who was a widow would have been excluded. She died 12 years ago. She was as much part of the family as anyone.

Nanny0gg · 05/09/2012 10:50

Pagwatch Yep, I don't get it.

MiL: I don't like any of my children's partners, including your wife (although I will expect to see/be involved with, your yet-to-be-born DC.
I want my DCs and DGC and my partner to be in a 'family' portrait.
DH: Oh. Ok then.

If I were you OP, I'd tell her to Do One. And I wouldn't be polite about it either.

SoupDragon · 05/09/2012 11:04

I think this is, in a way, a positive. It is now clear to everyone in the family what the MIL is like and how she feels - and she hasn't singled just you out (which is key).

There is no need for any pretence on either side now which makes family gatherings and events far easy as you don't have to consider her.

honeytea · 05/09/2012 11:16

I didn't get that it was mil new partner, he shouldn't really be in it either.

I'd personally just let it go, it won't do your dc any harm just maybe politely decline if she asks if you want a copy.

wheredidiputit · 05/09/2012 11:20

YANBU.

The only photo of mine and Dh DS is a picture of him being by my SIL & BIL. It's like the family they should have had. As DS is the first boy in their family for 30+ years.

BuntyCollocks · 05/09/2012 12:34

YANBU. What a bizarre situation. You are part of her family now; without you, there would be no grandchild.

Get DH to tell her it's all or nothing.

merrymouse · 05/09/2012 12:59

I have some more ideas for retaliation:

  1. Take really unflattering photo of your MIL and give it to her for her next birthday present
  2. Have a copy of the picture in your house, but really obviously cut out everybody except your DH and DC

Quite bemused by suggestions that you wouldn't want a picture of an in-law incase their marriage failed.

DeWe · 05/09/2012 13:50

I don't think of it as a slight. She wants her, her dc and her dgc, I don't think that's a snub unless she wants one dil and not the other.

diddl · 05/09/2012 13:52

But she´s also expressed her dislike of her children´s partners-so I think her children should be telling her to whistle tbh.

bubbles11 · 05/09/2012 13:57

not being unreasonable
she sounds horrible

Gentleness · 05/09/2012 13:58

I'm torn - my initial thought was dh AND you (together if possible) should say, "No, our family is a package deal."

OTOH there is some mileage in agreeing but going along to look after your baby (making sure this is along with the other partners) and smirking all the way through in a superior fashion. Maybe occasionally winking at dh. She deserves to be made to see how childish she is being!

Poor you and especially poor dh and his siblings.

Swipe left for the next trending thread