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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

amibu mil plans for family photo

89 replies

Strawhatpirate · 05/09/2012 06:41

My mil with whom I have a very difficult relationship with has asked for a family portrait next year including my unborn ds but has made it clear to dh I an not to be included. She has told dh that she only wants her partner her dcs and there respective dcs! Am I being oversensitive to find this a bit of a piss take?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 05/09/2012 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Strawhatpirate · 05/09/2012 07:13

Thankyou for all your replies I really appreciate all your replies and input! All partners accept mils are banned because she dislikes all of us but for different reasons. Dh is annoyed but unsurprised by the way she behaves.

OP posts:
Whatdoiknowanyway · 05/09/2012 07:18

Direct descendants only is very common and it's a bit unkind not to let her have it. But there should be a full family photo done as well.

merrymouse · 05/09/2012 07:19

How is it more of a snub if it's a one-off?

I think the point is that if there are loads of photos of all the family including IL's, one photo of direct descendants is perfectly reasonable and normal.

However, particularly given that with digital cameras it's possible to take loads of photos (and arrange for a professional to take multiple groupings), it would be odd if the only photo the OP's IL's had and wanted excluded IL's.

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 05/09/2012 07:20

It's a bit like wedding photos isn't it?

The couple, his family, her family then the whole new family!

A portrait sitting won't just be one photos, there will be lots of combinations.

If you feel that strongly about it, offer to pay a portion of the sitting fee and have one of your own nuclear family done at the same time

Thumbwitch · 05/09/2012 07:21

All right, I can see the point of the descendants' photo. BUT - you say in the OP that she wants her partner in the photo - is he the father of her DC? If not, then either he shouldn't be in the photo either, or all the partners should be.

JeezyOrangePips · 05/09/2012 07:21

Ah, okay, I get it now. Thanks merrymouse!

diddl · 05/09/2012 07:25

I think if she doesn´t like her children´s partners & is doing it to snub them, then people should just not agree to do it tbh.

Thing is-if it weren´t for her children´s partners-there wouldn´t be any descendants!

Original poster
Strawhatpirate · 05/09/2012 07:43

I think the idea of the bloodline photo is nice but I know that isn't what she is going for as her partner isn't related to any of her dcs. Also she specificaly told all dcs icluding dh that the reason she doesn't want any of their partners to be present because she dislikes us all for various reasons

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 05/09/2012 07:49

I'll revert to my original suggestion then - get your DH to tell her to do one! Cheeky cow.

handheldhoover · 05/09/2012 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 05/09/2012 07:50

"Also she specificaly told all dcs icluding dh that the reason she doesn't want any of their partners to be present because she dislikes us all for various reasons"

Then imo, all her children should be refusing.

SoupDragon · 05/09/2012 07:51

What is your problem then? She doesn't like any of you, you don't like her, none of you are invited to be in the photo. [shrug] sounds like a win-win scenario to me.

nagynolonger · 05/09/2012 07:56

I agree with Thumbwitch. If MIL wants her family line then her DH shouldn't be included either.
I have one very precious photo of me as a baby with my mum, grandma and great grandma. Grandad and dad were not included.
Unfortunately I wasn't into the whole family tree thing when my eldest DC were born so I failed get such pictures taken and now it's too late.
Ask if several pictures can be taken. The one your MIL wants, a whole family one with DIL/SIL etc. and maybe one of just you your DH and DC.

I hope to have a family photo done for Christmas and DD is arranging for everyone to get together. It's not easy now they don't all live nearby. It needs to include me, DH, DD, my 5 sons DDIL and DGC. No BF or GF obviously but I would never leave DDIL out she is the mother of my GC.

catsmother · 05/09/2012 07:57

How bloody rude and spiteful.

It's one thing to want a "bloodline" style photo but quite another to exclude various parents of the grandchildren because she readily admits she "doesn't like" them. That overall attitude would make me feel like I was a rent-a-womb in her eyes.

It's not that I'd otherwise object to that set-up, or get cross because I wanted to be in the wretched photo - but I'd be damned angry that she was using the occasion to make a point and be appallingly rude. For that reason, I'd not want my children to play any part in it and I'd hope that my DH would tell her what a witch she was.

handheldhoover · 05/09/2012 07:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeezyOrangePips · 05/09/2012 08:00

Why was that crucial bit of information not included in the opening post?

Maybe I'm cynical, but I would have been sure to include it as it has a direct bearing on the responses.

Chandon · 05/09/2012 08:01

my MIL did this, SILs and I had a giggle about the unhingedness of it, but obliged.

OrangeOsc · 05/09/2012 08:04

Me and my siblings have had 2 photos done in the past for DM. We always do it just us siblings and our DCs. It's not seen as snubbing our partners, its our mum's children and grandchildren. Really can't see the problem to be honest.

Northernlurkerisbackatwork · 05/09/2012 08:06

My mil is lovely and would never exclude me or sil so I have no personal experience of this. However.......if mil wanted a bloodline photo I would say ok. If I knew I was being excluded because she 'disliked' me though then there is no way I would permit my child to take part and I would expect dh to back me up.

everlong · 05/09/2012 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 05/09/2012 08:08

So what did your dh say when sheaid that she disliked you, and all the other partners of her children?

I am trying to imagine that conversation. I am also curious as to why she would say such a thing when a 'oh it's just a bloodline thing' falsehood would have done. And why she is so confident that she fels he can say such a thing to her son.

ENormaSnob · 05/09/2012 08:12

After reading the further info I think yanbu.

Original poster
Strawhatpirate · 05/09/2012 08:15

Thankyou all so much for taking the time to post back! This is my first ever thread so I stupidly left out some relevent details when I started it. Sorry! Thatnkyou soupdragon I think you are right. It means a lot to me to get some input from other people. Thankyou everyone! I'm new to mumsnet btw

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 05/09/2012 08:22

my mum doesn't want our partners in offical family photos. As a family we all get along including partners.
there are loads of photos displaced of my family and siblings family in my mums home but she likes one with just her DC and GC.