To be fuming with dd's school for letting her go out the gate alone?

[MsBrown]

I was standing at the infant doors today waiting on dd coming out of school at hometime. When it got to about five past three, i started to get worried as her class is normally out as soon as the bell goes.

Then a mum walked up to me and asked if my little girl has a pink spotty bag, to which i replied yes, and she said my dd was making her way across the senior yard towards the main gate.

I ran off towards the gate, still couldn't see dd anywhere, so i started calling on her. Another mum came up and told me she's just seen a little girl walking down the street calling on her mummy.

I ran out and thankfully caught up with dd. She was walking along the path next to the main road, calling 'mummy'.

I told her off and explained she's never to do that again.

What had happened was she didn't see me so went looking for me. And the reason i couldn't see her coming out the infant doors is because all the parents flock round the doors at hometime, making it near on impossible to see the children. DD obviously just slipped right past me. I told her that if she doesn't see me again, she's to stay at the doors or go back into school - not wander off.

AIBU to be fuming with the school. IMO the teacher should be keeping an eye on her pupils, making sure they're going to the right adult. There's been a few occassions where my dd's wandered around the infant yard looking for me at hometime as she can't see me because of all the other mums and dads in the crowd, and i can't see her because of the same reasons.

I'm also angry with the other adults for not stopping dd and trying to help her. She was in obvious distress and is only 4. If i saw an upset 4yo walking along a main road, i'd try and help them. Not leave them to it.

So, should i complain to the school tomorrow or let it go? I feel sick at the thought of what could have happened had i not caught up with her.

At my son's school the children are asked if they see their grown up, they point them out to the teacher and then go to them. If they can't see their grown up they wait with the teacher.

I have seen a lost child before outside school (it was in the morning before school had started and she's gone the wrong way through some gates). I stopped, stood with her, and took her the other way back into school to find her mum who was frantically searching. I'm shocked no one stopped with your 4 yr old DD who was crying and shouting mummy!

I hope school is responsive and put something in place.

Fannyfifer, when my daughter goes to school (in a couple of years) I expect her to be under the school's care until the minute I drop off until I arrive back. I will be trusting the school to keep my daughter safe, especially at the age of 4 when she is still nothing more than a baby - so yes I would be hacked off with the school if something like this happened to her. Very unresponsible.

When my DGS was in Reception and Y1 Ihad a password to pick him so the child only went home with right person

A password?

Not good.At our school no child up to and including Y6 is dismissed unless there is someone to collect them (although there is a written permission slip for parents to fill in if they want their child to walk home alone after they turn 10)
i work as a part time sports coach for the council and we have to have all under 17s signed out unless wwe have written permission from parents otherwise

My DS is in p1 in Scotland too. At home time the teacher stands at the door and the kids are allowed out one by one as soon as she has seen the parent and made eye contact with them.

I would be livid as well.

They had some children from brocken homes and there was a custity battle going on so if someone dithent picket them up the school know it was OK

Sorry for spelling ,bad word day

Op - that is terrible. At that age I stand children behind me in a line inside the class or corridor and hand one to each parent at a time.takes ages but I know they are safe. I would never have them all standing around me at that age. If ofsted saw what happened the school would be in special measures before they could turn around! Complain and use the word safeguarding in every other sentence. J shudder to think how it could have been so
Much worse - what a shock for you both.

Ms Brown, not sure whether you've had a response yet but I'd phone and ask to speak to the head urgently about a safeguarding issue. Schools often don't have an efficient email system set up and the HT might not have even seen it.

Talk to the teacher. At DS's school right up until year 2 the teachers do not release the children until they have seen the parent/collector and that person is able to take the child (ie not having a long chat and so unaware the child is ready to be collected!!). They also make a point of being available if you need a chat after school, so I often hang back until most kids have gone if I want a word and collect DS last.

Oh, and last week at the Paralympics, DD age 3 decided she did not want to walk anymore and lay down on her coat on the floor and pretended to be asleep. We stood a couple of paces away hoping she would get bored with this and get up. Two ladies walked OVER her without breaking their stride.

At ds1's and dds old school the parents would gather round the doors and the teacher shouted out each childs name when she could see the parent/carer.

At dd's new school she has jsut started reception so again the parents gather round the door then one at a time tell the teacher their dc's name. It only takes a couple of minutes and stops any wanderers.

I'm so glad someone had the sense to come and let you know, although I wouldn't have let her walk off as far as she did. I hope your dd is ok.

Fanny at any school there is bound to be 1 or 2 children at least with SN. 1 or 2 per class at least in my end. They can't be trusted not to wander. My son is 6. If he can escape he will. It's a very poor school that doesn't keep the children safe.

That aside a lot of 4 year olds without SN will get scared, confused and wander to find mummy. It's normal.

In KS1 at our school, children are escorted out to the playground, and must not go without the teacher/TA actually seeing the person who is expected to pick them up. However, there are persistant groups parents who insist in standing in the way and WILL NOT be budged despite pleas to stand well back. There are also the ones who try to grab them from the line before the teacher has got to their spot outside. Why do some parents think rules don't apply to them? They would be the first to create merry hell if their child went missing!

Then there are the ones who are left standing waiting for a parent to arrive - school finishes 3.15pm, these parents ALWAYS roll up about 3.30,or even later!! Imagine how it must feel for a child to have no-one there,everyone else has gone...one woman turned up at 4pm, after the office phoned, and she said "Oh, I forgot about her!"

Fanny, regardless of whether or you blame the school or not, the fact remains that the school are responsible. The school assumes the responsibility of loco parentis, thus legally they have a responsibility to keep the child safe as far as they can. Letting a very young child wander off of the school premises alone shows that they are significantly failing in their duty of care to that child.

Hello again.

I feel really awful now.

No one called me back about the email i sent. At hometime today, i had a quick word with the class teacher about what happened and asked if she could make sure dd stays beside her from now on until i appproach her. She said that's fine and thanked me for letting her know what had happened.

I didn't mention the email or anything, or the suggestions of a new system as she was preoccupied with another pupil who was in tears about something.

However, my suggestions about the hometime procedure were all in the email i sent last night.

Now i feel really bad. There's a chance my email just hasn't been read yet. So when it does eventually get read, the class teacher might think i'm going over her head by addressing the email to the head. the teacher might even think i'm blaming her.

god knows why i sent the email when i should've just had a word with the teacher. i'm a bit embarrassed now and think the school staff may come to know me as the annoying mum!

Msbrown, from a fellow person who hates confrontation, so I do sympathise, but your child could have been hit by a car, abducted, or lord knows what. In comparison, who gives a monkeys whether the teacher feels you went over her head?? Although I'm sure she won't, if she's worth her salt, she'll be taking it to the Head anyway to discuss. Procedure to ensure this doesn't happen again. Your job as a mum is not to protect a teachers feelings, but to keep your DD from harm. You've done absolutely the right thing emailing and speaking to the teacher.

I wouldn't worry about it!

The head may want to do something like send out a letter asking parents to stay clear of the doorway so all children can see their parents before the teacher lets them out. It doesn't have to cause bad feeling that you had emailed the head and then spoke to the teacher.

I think I am less shocked at her getting out at a busy hometime, and more shocked at the other parents who walked past a little girl crying and shouting for her mummy! How anyone could just walk by is beyond me.

I wouldnt worry. School staff will have dealt with much worse. This is par for the course really. There's an inevitable settling in period for pupils and parents. Things always need a bit of ironing out at the start of an academic year. You have probably done them a favour. A good rule of thumb is to deal directly with the teacher whenever possible. But you made the point initially that you thought it unlikely to be able to speak to the teacher in time. So you made a judgement call and have learned from it. I don't generally get very prompt responses from schools via email. A note or direct word tends to be quickest.

Hopefully they will alter their procedure now.

MsBrown I really am a school governor with some years of experience. You should have sent the email, the right thing to do was to inform the Headteacher. I can understand you feeling a bit bad but really the point is that, whatever the distraction, the school should have proper processes in place to ensure that children don't wander off. In other words, if a parent drops down at the teacher's feet, the procedure to be followed should ensure that the remaining children in the classroom stay safe with an adult.
You have highlighted an issue that may need to be addressed across the school, not just by one teacher.

I agree with schoolgovernor ^
The issue here is about whole school policy, and the safety of the children, it's not a "moan" about a teacher, it's about the school having a well thought out system for ensuring no infant child is able to wander off on their own. Obviously the layout of the school / classrooms / doors / playground play s a part, but getting parents to all stand behind a line - be that marking on the plaground or some cones or PE markers or even a chalk line until parents are "trained" into the habit, shouldn't be too hard in any school.

Sending the mail was the right thing to do, for the reasons schoolgovernor gives. If they had replied to your email promptly, you wouldn't have had to speak to the teacher. You haven't gone over her head, you have raised the issues in the right place, and also made sure she's aware of what happened.

MsBrown, don't feel bad about the email. It's actually pretty rude that the school haven't even acknowledged it, given the content and seriousness of the point you were making in the email. The date/time of the email will be evident so clear you haven't gone over the teacher's head after you spoke to her, so the teacher won't think you are going over her head. At least a reasonable one won't.

It is important that the safeguarding of the children, especially the youngest, is looked at if there has been a failure, and this was a failure. It is often difficult for a school to enforce rules that parents will abide by, especially if there are a large group who just focus on their child. However, in my DD's school, the head teacher makes herself seen and heard with parents who ignore the requests for parents to not enter the dinner hall in the morning with breakfast club, who don't leave the playground when they are supposed to, and who completely disregard the rules she has made parents aware of over general conduct when picking up/dropping off. There are parents who think the rules don't apply to them, and it's down to the head teacher to enforce them. I've been pretty impressed with our head, as she has been pretty firm about rules, and made sure that parents who flout the rules, know they won't be tolerated.

Any response from the school yet msbrown? I am very I terested to hear what they say. I worry a bit about ds school. P1 to 3 all come out one door, parents stand anywhere in the playground, teachers do stand near the door but they just hang about to see if any unclaimed kids come back to them. There is no one on the gate and no real way of preventing a small un from wandering off if parents are late.

OP,

Ask to see the school's risk assessment on how they transferrer over children.

I doubt there are many people on here that when looking after other people's four year old, would just release the child out of the door in the hope that a parent was there to meet them, very stupid thing to do, of course it's going to go wrong,

If the school don't take this opportunity to totally over haul their policy then they are not fit to be responsible for children,

write to the school governors explain what happened, and why, the school are very lucky that this was not a more serious incident,

a few years ago midmorning I found a very distressed small child (5) walking alongside the very busy main road(no pavement) that runs through the bottom of our village, I recognised him and phoned his mother(not someone I get on with), she immediately came, he had just walked out of the school gate at break time some 30 minutes earlier,and was trying to find his way home some eight miles away, along the route his mother drives, a bigger child had hit him during break and he had panicked,

we conspired, she took him to my house and I went into the school on the pretence of dropping off some items to my children, I hung about the office, went into the child classroom, sussed out if they had realised, they hadn't

at 3.15pm I looked after her child while she went to the school to collect him, the staff were totally unaware that he was missing, the shit hit the fan,

It worked out brilliantly, no child leaves a classroom in our school without a adult collecting them, and there are now security gates and fences, all of which were previously deemed unnecessary beforehand, the thing is this child was not the first to manage to leave unnoticed

Make sure that the school use this opportunity put in policy that insure that no child is ever able to repeat what happened to your child.