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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with dd's school for letting her go out the gate alone?

116 replies

MsBrown · 04/09/2012 19:26

I was standing at the infant doors today waiting on dd coming out of school at hometime. When it got to about five past three, i started to get worried as her class is normally out as soon as the bell goes.

Then a mum walked up to me and asked if my little girl has a pink spotty bag, to which i replied yes, and she said my dd was making her way across the senior yard towards the main gate.

I ran off towards the gate, still couldn't see dd anywhere, so i started calling on her. Another mum came up and told me she's just seen a little girl walking down the street calling on her mummy.

I ran out and thankfully caught up with dd. She was walking along the path next to the main road, calling 'mummy'.

I told her off and explained she's never to do that again.

What had happened was she didn't see me so went looking for me. And the reason i couldn't see her coming out the infant doors is because all the parents flock round the doors at hometime, making it near on impossible to see the children. DD obviously just slipped right past me. I told her that if she doesn't see me again, she's to stay at the doors or go back into school - not wander off.

AIBU to be fuming with the school. IMO the teacher should be keeping an eye on her pupils, making sure they're going to the right adult. There's been a few occassions where my dd's wandered around the infant yard looking for me at hometime as she can't see me because of all the other mums and dads in the crowd, and i can't see her because of the same reasons.

I'm also angry with the other adults for not stopping dd and trying to help her. She was in obvious distress and is only 4. If i saw an upset 4yo walking along a main road, i'd try and help them. Not leave them to it.

So, should i complain to the school tomorrow or let it go? I feel sick at the thought of what could have happened had i not caught up with her.

OP posts:
edam · 04/09/2012 20:21

MsBrown, that's very worrying. A reception child shouldn't be allowed to leave without his or her parent (am a school governor, btw). If teachers can't see through the crowd of parents, they need to have a system where the parents stand back.

ParaOlympicpark · 04/09/2012 20:24

Can you email the head now? Email address should be on letters or on the school website. I hand over my little ones, making eye contact with the parent and making a comment like a poster above. That is a frankly terrifying recount and I would be so SO angry if I were you and it was my child wandering around.... Not acceptable.

GraceVentura · 04/09/2012 20:32

The first week of school in Reception is far too early to just let the kids out hoping they get to the right parent. At our school the Reception parents queue to pick up their child who is personally handed over by their TA or teacher right throughout the year. The children also have to walk past at least two teachers/TAs on their way out of school who check that they are with someone.

DowagersHump · 04/09/2012 20:34

TingTongsSista - I don't understand your post. Assuming you don't live in the UK, you live in a country where 4 year olds walk along main roads alone and you think that's a good thing? Confused

OP - I would definitely have a word with the school about their procedures. In DS's school, children in YR are not released from the classroom unless they identify someone who is there to collect them; from Y1 onwards, they stand in the playground with their teacher, parents are behind a red line and children have to put their hands up when they see their carer - teacher makes eye contact and then releases the child.

I would be v unhappy about what you're describing :(

DeWe · 04/09/2012 20:35

I would mention it to the school. But it's possible that actually it went something along the lines of "can you see your mummy?" "Yes, she's there".

My reliable dd1 once told the teacher that she was going to tea with someone else in reception (wishful thinking I think). When she got out she decided that as I wasn't there she'd walk home. Luckily the other mother noticed her following them and stayed with her, but I didn't feel it was the teacher's fault.

At the school that now wouldn't happen as you have to write things like that in the contact book before they let them out, but I made sure that she knew that if she came out and I wasn't there then she turned round and went back inside and wouldn't be in trouble for doing so.

Original poster
MsBrown · 04/09/2012 20:36

Thanks everyone.

Not sure what reception is, as we're in Scotland, but dd is in Primary one and has been at school since mid-August.

In the first week, the janitor came at hometime and asked the parents to move to one side to let the children out the doors, but for some reason this isn't being enforced anymore.

I was thinking of emailing the school, but i'm worried it might take a few days for my email to be read and replied to. I'd much prefer to speak to someone. I think i'll phone in the morning as i'm no good with face - to - face confrontation. I always turn tomato-red and my eyes water!

OP posts:
DozyDuck · 04/09/2012 20:37

You say Dd is 4, here reception is 4-5 :)

Original poster
MsBrown · 04/09/2012 20:38

DeWe - thanks for your reply. But what happens is the teacher comes out, and the class alll come streaming out behind her. They run off towards the crowds of parents while the teacher stands at the door. She doesn't let them out one by one or talk to them/direct them to their parents.

There's been several times my dd has wandered around the yard looking for me, but this is the first time she's actually left the school grounds herself.

OP posts:
DozyDuck · 04/09/2012 20:40

Is she an nqt at all? Possible she doesn't know safer ways of letting children out? In surprised its got this far if 4 year olds are wandering around unsupervised looking for parents!

Bobyan · 04/09/2012 20:41

Y

FannyFifer · 04/09/2012 20:42

Teacher usually let's them out the door, if no parent there then child waits with teacher.

Think you also have to take some responsibility though, it should be drilled into child to not leave till you come, not to wander off etc.
DS and all his friends knew from day one not to wander off, it's a chat you should have had before starting school.

Noqontrol · 04/09/2012 20:42

Email of complaint to the head, with a request to let you know how they are going to resolve this potentially dangerous problem ASAP. Thank god someone spotted her. I'd be spitting feathers.

makemineachardonnay · 04/09/2012 20:42

Surprised that there are some schools that let 5 year old's out by themselves, tbh. At ours, we have to pick up our child from the classroom door when in infants - that goes all the way from 5 - 7.
I'd be complaining if I was you, that's not on that she was just allowed to wander out like that.

DozyDuck · 04/09/2012 20:43

Fanny. Not all 4 year olds are sensible enough to remember this type of conversation when they're confused. They're 4.

Bobyan · 04/09/2012 20:44

MY phone is playing up!

Unfortunately you're going to have to get over the "don't like confrontation" thing, unless your willing to make it clear that the incident is totally wrong there's a likelyhood nothing will change.

Original poster
MsBrown · 04/09/2012 20:47

FannyFifer - i've had the conversation with dd on almost a daily basis! But she's 4, she couldn't see her mum and obviouslly panicked. What happened today is the school's failure, not mine.

Okay, i'm feeling myself getting really upset again, and don't think i can keep this until tomorrow. I'm going to send an email just now, and ask her to call me tomorrow. If i don't hear anything tomorrow, i'll go into the office at hometime.

OP posts:
MrsFaffnBobbocks · 04/09/2012 20:48

YANBU at all!! I would be furious and v concerned. I would address this immediately. Write a polite, factual note, addressed to the class teacher. Explain that your dd needs to be handed over to you directly, as she was found wandering out of school alone and distressed, that you understand that no-one would want this to happen again, not least for the child's emotional well being but also for safeguarding reasons. End with something like - I'm sure by working together we can ensure her safety is paramount at all times.

If it was me I would have a quiet word with the Deputy or Head just to make sure. Good luck. Hopefully it's a one off.

FannyFifer · 04/09/2012 20:48

DozyDuck, a primary one in Scotland would be 4 1/2 minimum.
Do not leave the school grounds isn't that complicated an instruction, what about at lunchtime, they know not to just wander out the playground.

marb2309 · 04/09/2012 20:54

Would be completely unacceptable at our school. They are let out one by one to a recognised parent or a pre-arranged other person. I would complain if it were me.

littleducks · 04/09/2012 20:56

Whilst I think you need to complain to the school and ask for them to make changes (dd's shool has a line parents aren't allowed behind which stops the crowding so nobody can see problem) it would be good if you find a 'spot' to stand everyday so dd knows where to look for you, maybe a little bit back from the crowd near a tree/post/certain playground marking?

sleepyhead · 04/09/2012 21:04

This isn't typical. At ds's school, despite a hellishly busy pick up, the P1 teacher made eye contact with a parent before the child was allowed to go. Now in P2 the teacher still hangs on to the children until they see their parent.

You need to let the school know, and they'll want to know, because the worst case scenario here is a child getting lost or hit by a car.

Jinsei · 04/09/2012 21:08

YANBU, dd is in year 3 and the teacher still won't let the kids out till she's seen the parent or whoever is picking the child up. What an awful shock for you OP, and especially so soon after your little girl has started school.

Margerykemp · 04/09/2012 21:23

I think this is one of those Scottish/English divides.

Scottish schools I've known just let the kids out. The teacher's job ends at the door.

In England it seems to work like nursery where each is handed over.

OP- you may not find much sympahy at the school - you will just have to drum it into DD not to leave the playground.

JessePinkman · 04/09/2012 21:36

TsingTSong I live in a similar environment, one of my friends said to me, 'maybe after two weeks you will stop coming to pick him up.'

Dowagershump if you haven't lived in a country like this it can seem mad, but the parents get told off for driving to school, so there are hardly any cars around the schools, the catchment areas are small, a lot of the children are walking in the same direction, and the routes are safe.

I think as well that the culture is different, adults look out for children, and will tell them off if they are being silly. I think the responsibility for their own safety makes them less silly. My dd went to reception in England, and it is different there, but not better.

JessePinkman · 04/09/2012 21:37

Sorry TingTong I Puthuagonged your name!