to wonder why the hell anyone would stay with a "man" who doesn't "babysit" the dc???

[WoodlandHills]

On saturday night I invited 2 of my female friends round for a few drinks and x-factor

Both in a relationship, both got dc with their dps.

Both their DP's were at home, yet one of my friends bought her dcs with her as her dp didn't want to "babysit" (her words) and the other one didn't come in the end because "her dp won't have the kids"

I didn't mind my friend bringing her dds, they are sweet little girls and no trouble at all. but I just find it disgraceful that their so called "d"p's won't even have their OWN kids. Its not the first time this has happened either. We went out in town the other week for another friends birthday and she had to ask her MUM to have the girls as her dp wouldn't. so he sat at home kid-free while his MIL had his kids. disgusting.

Reading this back, it sounds so ludicrous to me, like I have made it up if I go out without dc it wouldn't even cross my mind to think DH would mind staying in with the dc, and vice versa.

Oh and this has reminded me of my own personal bugbear as well, ITS NOT BABYSITTING WHEN ITS YOUR OWN DC. Ok useless dads?????

YANBU. This annoys me too. It's not 'babysitting', it's parenting.

Crap dads not to bother looking after their own children. Unless there is something like poor health or other reason why.....

I agree with you that both parents should do it, but dont agree aboutbcalling it babysitting I always say Im babysitting if dh goes out and I dont mean anything by it but thats what Im doing.

It's crazy isn't it.

I've never understood it myself. I had a friend with a dh like that. Although he said she was welcome to go out whenever she wanted - she just had to book a babysitter. He used to fuck off playing golf everyweekend and leave her with the kids instead if booking a babysitter though.

Oh, I completely agree with you, its ridiculous!! This terminology properly pisses of DH, my gran told him how 'good he is for babysitting DD while Lamb goes out'. He was a bit and said, im not babysitting, im her dad.

I must say I use babysitting to refer to any time when I have to stay in to mind the dcs - so I might tell another friend I can't go out on Saturday night as I'm babysitting (ie alone with dcs). But I agree it is usually used to refer to men being in sole charge of children.
My dh is nervous at being left with ebf baby, but has no issue staying in with his older child - why on earth should he? Do you think the attitude of your friends' partners is common, OP?

I agree, yanbu!!

YANBU. I see this all the time and it's insane.

If my friend manages to get away without her son, when she gets back her DP announces that he changed a nappy like he's expecting some sort of medal.

My partner looks after our son more than I do and I want to kick people who say that "he's great with DS", "what a great father", etc etc. Yes, he is both of those things. But nobody ever says that about mothers who take their children places and do their share of the work. It's just considered normal.

Just wondering, do you live in Woodland Hills?

I think babysitting is a bit of a naff word for it, it suggests its an extra task, but beebee I can see why you would use the phrase if you are in with the DCs when your DH is out.

In my first time ever using this phrase on MN, I would genuinely think about 'leaving the bastard' if my DP refused to look after DC when I went out for a night. Honestly, that is one of the worst offences he could do as a parent. Mum and dad are both parents, ffs. You take turns looking after the kids, you take turns going out.

They are being crap dads, and I also dislike the 'babysitting' term. Babysitting for me is looking after someone else's child for them. Looking after your own child = just life! (or should be. Grr). YANBU.

I would be willing to bet, as well, that these men go out whenever they like and just assume their partners will stay in looking after the DC. DH and I don't ask 'permission' as such but we check with one another that the other person is free to stay in if one of us is considering going out.

dysfunctional No I don't, sadly! But me and DH stayed there on our honeymoon (Woodland Hills, Los Angeles that is, not sure if there are any others) hence the name :)

Yes, Duchess, when I return to work soon DP will look after DD more than I do. Most people we know think this is a remarkable state of affairs (and tell me how 'lucky' I am to have DP - essentially, suggesting that he is doing more than a man should be expected to do!!!)

I have this problem. My DP won't look after DD on his own, ever. Very frustrating, and likely to get him a kick in the balls when I start to want to go out a bit more. He's just been lucky that since DD was born 15 months ago I haven't wanted to go out really.

YANBU.

Dh and I have a first come first served policy. If one of us wants to go out and the other allready has something 'booked' its then up to us to sort childcare.

I hate 'babysitting' too but just the word as what we do is the same, I just call it ""DD duty"

Ah ok.

Just wondered as my sis lives there

I'm not sure why any parent deserves to be left alone on a Saturday night with the DC while the other parent goes round to have fun with friends!

Totally NBU. DH and I check with each other before accepting/arranging nights out, that's just common courtesy, but we'd never expect the other to say 'you can go out if you arrange someone to look after the kids' That's so wrong!

Bonsoir - because we have different friends and interests! DP doesn't want to sit in a wine bar with my old school friends discussing shite telly and how annoying their DH is; I don't want to sit in a noisy pub with his football mates discussing one football match while watching another

It's a nice trade off.

I don't know what's more shocking, that they're so uninterested and uninvolved with their own kids or that they've been allowed to get away with it.

Are you SERIOUS bonsoir?? :o

If it was EVERY saturday night then maybe that would be unfair, but I am talking about just occasionally. And my friends Dp's go out whenever they please, its just double standards.

I agree - I have a friend whose DP is like this - she doesn't go out very often and when she does it makes it difficult as he often won't even confirm til the very last minute that he's prepared to deign to look after his own son for a few hours :( Bumsy Cluger just out if interest what reason does your DP give for this? Does he think it's your 'job'? Genuinely interested to know!

Ah, I forgot that once you are in a couple, you're only supposed to socialise together?!

I hate it too, although I'm often asked in a very way if I have 'left DS with DH?!' Well, he is his dad, he's more than capable of a few hours unsupervised parenting. Ffs.

YANBU.

I like to go out to gigs etc. DH much prefers to stay in and watch films or the awful, awful, awful F1 channel so he ends up staying in with DD alone a lot more than me. My work colleagues think its amazing that he "babysits" for me so much and I have to explain that firstly she is his responsibility just as much as mine and secondly he likes the break from me and my moaning about the F1 channel

Each person in the relationship should have an opportunity for their choice of downtime.

Was that serious Bonsoir?

This subject is also a personal bugbear of mine. Every time I go away on girls' weekends or on business trips, people say to me "Who's looking after your children"? Er, their dad? To which people often reply "Oh, isn't he good"!

Yes, give that man a medal for looking after his own kids.