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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why the hell anyone would stay with a "man" who doesn't "babysit" the dc???

128 replies

WoodlandHills · 03/09/2012 10:46

On saturday night I invited 2 of my female friends round for a few drinks and x-factor

Both in a relationship, both got dc with their dps.

Both their DP's were at home, yet one of my friends bought her dcs with her as her dp didn't want to "babysit" (her words) and the other one didn't come in the end because "her dp won't have the kids"

I didn't mind my friend bringing her dds, they are sweet little girls and no trouble at all. but I just find it disgraceful that their so called "d"p's won't even have their OWN kids. Its not the first time this has happened either. We went out in town the other week for another friends birthday and she had to ask her MUM to have the girls as her dp wouldn't. so he sat at home kid-free while his MIL had his kids. disgusting.

Reading this back, it sounds so ludicrous to me, like I have made it up if I go out without dc it wouldn't even cross my mind to think DH would mind staying in with the dc, and vice versa.

Oh and this has reminded me of my own personal bugbear as well, ITS NOT BABYSITTING WHEN ITS YOUR OWN DC. Ok useless dads?????

OP posts:

TiggyD · 03/09/2012 20:03

Idiots

Numberlock · 03/09/2012 20:08

This says as much about the women as the men, unless there's been a drastic change in attitude on the part of the men somewhere along the line.

As the mighty Weller says "You've made your bed, you better lie in it".

WelshMaenad · 03/09/2012 20:17

porca, if the working partner of a sahm has worked seven days of 14 hour shifts, so has she - in sole charge of the children. My husband works long hours and I am a sahm. By the time he walks in some nights (after a 45 minute train ride, kicking back reading his kindle) I am about ready to put my head in the oven. I would be no less deserving of a break than him, especially given that for the majority of 'dadding' of an evening, the kids are asleep and he's watching utter shite on the telly.

mummytowillow · 03/09/2012 20:26

My brother does this! His wife has to ask him to look after their two children

He often says no! If she does go out she can't go out until they are asleep in bed, and if they wake up he calls and calls her until she comes home!

He does nothing for his kids either, nappies , baths, dressing nothing!

But she puts up with it for an easy life! I find it all a bit embarrassing really!

bogeyface · 03/09/2012 20:29

Thats disgraceful Mummy and sounds the same as my friends H. Have you said anything to him?

mummytowillow · 03/09/2012 20:42

Yes i have several times and it ends in a row! So now i keep it zipped!

Our mother doesn't help when she said 'men should be men' WTF !

bogeyface · 03/09/2012 21:02

Well your mother is right, men should be men and not entitled lazy feckers! Feel free to pass that on from me the next time you see her! :o

DisabilEightiesChick · 03/09/2012 21:03

mummytowillow How exactly does it get her an easy life? Sounds like a hard one to me! (I know you're not endorsing this; I just wondered what she thought was 'easy' about doing all the work!)

I'd be switching my phone off when I went out if I was her.

bogeyface · 03/09/2012 21:06

I'd be switching my phone off when I went out if I was her.

That was my first thought too!

iwannaslapsome1 · 03/09/2012 21:08

arseholes the lot of them mine included as he does just that goe's out week after week and when i ask him to have the kids its like i have to beg waste of space.

iwannaslapsome1 · 03/09/2012 21:12

can just ask i know its goin away from op but would any of you consider just walking out the door for a couple of days to let them see what its really like for sahm

DoMeDon · 03/09/2012 21:13

While I think the attitude that looking after your own DC is a chore totally odd, I do think it's not as simple as it sounds. If you have DC with your DP then find out they have all these archaic/odd/selfish views, what do you do? There may be other factors which make them great fathers/partners (Sadly I can't imagine that is where the wanky attitudes end)

Let's hope these mums realise the example they are setting thier DC by being treated like this. DDs will grow up thinking they should be door mats, DSs will think it's OK to take no responsibility.

N0tinmylife · 03/09/2012 21:15

I am really quite stunned by this thread, are there really so many men about that get away with this? DH and I both work shifts, and spend a lot of time each looking after DS on our own, at different times. It has never occurred to me that it is in any way more my job than his!

DisabilEightiesChick · 03/09/2012 21:23

I think the usefulness of threads like this is to raise awareness that actually, decent men are not only perfectly capable of looking after their own kids, but are happy to do it! I'm sure some women think (or are manipulated into thinking) that this is normal and acceptable behaviour for men - and often it is, but less and less so, fortunately.

bringmesunshine2009 · 03/09/2012 21:25

" Socknickingpixie Mon 03-Sep-12 17:17:04
i often wonder if the blokes that act like this are the same ones who a few years down the line are bitching about having limited contact with the kids"

That's the one. Meet exH! He was an absolute fucker for this. He's now crying into his coffee about lack f contact. Twat.

D0G · 03/09/2012 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 03/09/2012 21:28

People put with 'partners' like this. As long as they do, they will get the piss taken out of them.

TheTermagantToaster · 03/09/2012 21:30

Iwanna - more than that, I would leave him.

FellatioNelson · 03/09/2012 21:33

YANBU. What a bloody joke. I wonder how on earth some people end up shackled to such useless, selfish, childish, good for nothing twats, I really do.

Socknickingpixie · 03/09/2012 21:46

its like when the do the dishes then say "i did the dishes for you"

CleoSmackYa · 03/09/2012 21:52

YANBU. I had a fried (had being an important word) who was only allowed out twice a year, and if she did go out had to run home immediately if one of the kids nappies needed changing. It wasn't his 'job'. We were all meant to be massively jealous of her 'perfect' partner, even after he smacked her just the once apparently

iwannaslapsome1 · 03/09/2012 21:58

@ toaster he's going don't worry about that ihave given him to the end of the week to find himself a room or it's back home to his mummy i have had enough

TheTermagantToaster · 03/09/2012 22:05

Good for you, Iwanna. Have you thought about starting a thread in relationships for support? Sounds like a tough time.

iwannaslapsome1 · 03/09/2012 22:11

it has been but i'm ok better than ok infact got lots of support in rl but might do in the future

Original poster

WoodlandHills · 04/09/2012 10:39

its like when the do the dishes then say "i did the dishes for you

my lazy cunt of an exH used to do this once in a blue moon when he actually did any housework

One of the many reasons he is an exH

OP posts:

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