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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to.be upset that he hid in the bathroom.and

82 replies

fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 07:45

Masturbated.....
Wow. Since having dc number 5 twelve weeks ago me
And DH have dtd once. I found out late last night that when he's in the mood he sees to himself in the bathroom. He is well aware that I have a high sex drive and would not have said no. Obviously after having baby my self esteem and confidence is low. AIBU to feel so distraught???

OP posts:

LurkeyLurkerson · 03/09/2012 07:49

Was he afraid of pressurising you? Have you complained of being tired recently? DH was like this a bit after DD2 was born but it was because I'd bang on all day about how knackered I was and he didn't want to piss me off by asking for sex When I initiated it though he was pretty darn pleased!

fuzzpig · 03/09/2012 07:49

Oh :(

No YANBU, Masturbation is healthy but not when it is used to replace sex with your partner.

Any chance he is genuinely worried about hurting you post birth?

fuzzpig · 03/09/2012 07:50

You might need to just explicitly say "I am ready for sex so ask me if you want it" type thing

Original poster

fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 07:52

I actually feel sick to my stomach and am filling up as I type....

OP posts:

cybbo · 03/09/2012 07:52

This is a communication, not masturbation problem

WofflingOn · 03/09/2012 07:54

Why does he have to initiate sex with you? Why don't you ask him, or show him that you are interested?
YABU if you don't find out why he's masturbating instead of having sex with you, he might think he's being considerate.

WofflingOn · 03/09/2012 07:55

Is dtd a netmum's expression? I've not seen it on here before.

squeakytoy · 03/09/2012 07:56

He has a right to his own privacy and to masturbate if he wants to. It isnt any slur on you, and to be distraught and feel sick is definately an over-reaction.

Maybe he was worried HE would have trouble "performing" so he was having a private practice run.

cybbo · 03/09/2012 07:56

Don't you ever have a sneaky fiddle OP?

PooPooOnMars · 03/09/2012 07:57

Woffling. Really? I've seen it loads. Just means done the deed.

fuzzpig · 03/09/2012 07:58

Have you actually spoken about sex at all since baby arrived? You need to make it clear where you both stand

PooPooOnMars · 03/09/2012 07:59

I had a sneaky fiddle yesterday. My dh would have been well up for it but it was terrible timing so i sorted myself in about 20 seconds. Its not a big deal i don't think.

Sorry if that was too much information!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 03/09/2012 08:00

Why do you feel sick?

Get a grip and talk to him. He probably thinks he is doing the right thing by not asking you for sex.

eslteacher · 03/09/2012 08:01

I can see why it could knock your confidence, but don't jump to the worst conclusion here! Maybe he's been waiting for you to initiate sex, maybe he doesn't want to pressure you seeing as its still not long ago that you gave birth. Maybe he himself would rather wait a bit longer for fear of hurting you during the deed.

Its definitely not something to feel sick over!

lubeybooby · 03/09/2012 08:01

Hi OP, please calm down i think ou are really over reacting.

Perhaps with 4 other kids about he feels restricted with when he can initiate sex with you, or is too tired to fully go for it. Or only 5 weeks later he thinks you won't enjoy it as much and trying to give you a rest, or a combination of those things.

Whatever the reason I'm sure it's not a personal slight against you.

Please calm down and have a proper chat with him though about your sex life

WofflingOn · 03/09/2012 08:02

Thanks PooPoo.
After our first, I had to pounce enthusiastically on OH several times before he realised that I really was OK about sex again. What was your DH like after the births of your other children OP? Is he knackered and doing a full share of child care too?
Sometimes a wank helps an individual sleep, and is less exhausting than proper sex.

2blessed2bstressed · 03/09/2012 08:03

dc5? Is it at all possible that he could be worried about conceiving dc6? I'm not being facetious, just wondering if perhaps the idea of his responsibility for a large family like yours is panicking him?

NCForNow · 03/09/2012 08:03

What's wrong with masturbating instead of sex? MAsturbation provides a completely different feeling...I can't see the problem.

Original poster

fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 08:04

Well regarding the last episode it was
It was the middle of the night I didn't want to wake you and then I didn't want to use a condom if we did have sex and then I didn't think you would feel like it. So which was it I asked? I don't know he said. So I stayed downstairs all night with baby. He's still in bed and has to leave for work in 25 mins.

OP posts:

Morloth · 03/09/2012 08:05

I don't get it?

What is the problem?

Original poster

fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 08:06

Lubey It was 12 weeks ago.

OP posts:

cybbo · 03/09/2012 08:07

Turn the tables for a minute. Are you always in the mood for full sex? Sounds like he was caught on the hop. Dont read too much into it, just let him know you're up for it next time

He's not being unfaithful to you by having a Quick tommy tank

fluffyraggies · 03/09/2012 08:07

What contraception to use usually use between pregnancies OP?

NCForNow · 03/09/2012 08:07

I understand you're possibly hormonal still...but really.....masturbation is very normal and natural even amongst loving couples who have good sex life...people have the right to do it alone.

Original poster

fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 08:08

2blessed he has had a vasecomy so no worry of conceiving number 6 x

OP posts:

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