Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to.be upset that he hid in the bathroom.and

82 replies

fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 07:45

Masturbated.....
Wow. Since having dc number 5 twelve weeks ago me
And DH have dtd once. I found out late last night that when he's in the mood he sees to himself in the bathroom. He is well aware that I have a high sex drive and would not have said no. Obviously after having baby my self esteem and confidence is low. AIBU to feel so distraught???

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 03/09/2012 08:08

Not being catty, just thinking about the hating condoms thing :)

cybbo · 03/09/2012 08:09

So why the condom?

PureMorning · 03/09/2012 08:09

Have you never masturbated?
Its completely different to sex.

CaptainHetty · 03/09/2012 08:10

I think the issue is more communication. He probably thinks he's doing you a favour, you not long ago had another child, you're probably tired and he doesn't want to seem to be pestering you. Perhaps talk to him about the fact that you do want sex and reassure him he doesn't need to go off and masturbate every time?

I think this is a bit of a mountain out of a molehill, to be honest.

fluffyraggies · 03/09/2012 08:11

Yeah, why the condom Confused

Masturbation instead of sex is where the problem would lie.

Does he know you're ready OP?

Original poster
fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 08:12

He still hasn't had his vasectomy checked so hence the condom. He asked me not to fiddle with myself as he wants to do it....doesn't look like it tho.

OP posts:
Startailoforangeandgold · 03/09/2012 08:12

DH and i have always mastibated cuddled up next to each other in bed.
Of course one or the other may not fell like sex all the time.
If its late we may both mastibate rather than climbing on top of each other.
I often take another cum straight after sex.

We've never worried about it we just both go with how we feel. I guess you need talk honestly about both getting what you need without hiding or beingBlush

How you do that I've no idea because I've simply never had to.

GhostShip · 03/09/2012 08:13

You're going a bit overboard to be honest OP. he only had a wank. He's obviously going to prefer sex with you over that so his reasons for masterbating in the toilet are not going to be selfish ones. You've not long had a baby, that's probably why!
Do you make it clear your ready for sex?

Malificence · 03/09/2012 08:13

You don't see the problem, really? You don't see a woman who feels totally rejected because her husband snuck off to the bathroom?

You need to communicate more, guessing what your partner is thinking/feeling instead of talking leads to situations like this, he might be thinking that he's a wonderful considerate husband whilst you are seething with resentment, time for a chat I think, so you both know the score.

cybbo · 03/09/2012 08:13

You have a strange relationship if hes telling you not to wank and you're distraught after catching him wank...

2blessed2bstressed · 03/09/2012 08:15

Ok, but I believe you still have to be careful for some time after a vasectomy though?

2blessed2bstressed · 03/09/2012 08:16

X post, sorry.

Malificence · 03/09/2012 08:16

You have to use condoms after a vasectomy, often for a considerable length of time.

If his snip was recent, he may be feeling so engorged by the build up, that it was just an easy way to get rid of the feeling, when DH had his we were having daily sex and he still felt "full" - it takes a few weeks to settle down.

Pagwatch · 03/09/2012 08:17

He tells you not to masturbate?

This is very strange.

Proudnscary · 03/09/2012 08:17

Umm he asked you not to masturbate?!

I was about to say 'no big deal, he's being considerate, agree it's a communication issue' but if you have discussed the issue and it resulted in him telling you not to wank...WTF?

Ps can everyone stop saying 'have a fiddle' in a twee 'we are women and can't say we masurbate/wank' stylee

Original poster
fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 08:17

Mal - yes your right it's rejection I feel x

OP posts:
GhostShip · 03/09/2012 08:18

malifience how can she feel rejected if she's never actually been rejected. Him going for a wank isn't rejecting her. He's given her reasons why, she should just accept them and then they should communicate more, so he knows she's ready for sex. We'd be going mad on here if a man was pestering a woman who'd just had a child for sex! But now we get one who hasn't been and he still can't win.
You've a small baby, he probably thought waking you for sex when you probably get a disrupted night anyway would be selfish.
I would!

Original poster
fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 08:19

He had his vasectomy in October last year......

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 03/09/2012 08:19

How long is it till he has his check OP?

I would imagine once that's sorted normal service will resume.

However - if you're having open enough conversations for him to tell you 'not to fiddle with yourself' (not sure that's on IMO) then you should be able to be honest and tell him you find it upsetting that he's having a sex life with his hand at the mo.

Pozzled · 03/09/2012 08:19

You would have preferred him to wake you in the middle of the night and ask for sex? And you have a newborn and four older DCs? I imagine he thought he was being considerate by not waking you, surely you must be quite tired at the moment?

If someone had posted in your situation and said 'My DH woke me in the middle of the night wanting sex, aibu to be annoyed?' I think the response would be an overwhelming yanbu.

It sounds to mostly like a lack of communication. If you want more sex, tell him!

cybbo · 03/09/2012 08:20

Oh blimey, October last year?! He should have had all his checks by now, surely. You two need to talk more by the sounds of it

cybbo · 03/09/2012 08:21

I agree Pozzled

fluffyraggies · 03/09/2012 08:23

So he had it just after you got pregnant i'm guessing?

Has he just been lazy about getting a check - and it hasn't mattered till now?

Morloth · 03/09/2012 08:27

I get that there is a problem because the OP feels rejected.

What I don't get is why she feels rejected.

Both DH and I do what we like with our own bodies. Nothing wrong with a fiddle alone if you feel like it - it has no bearing whatsoever on our sex life.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 03/09/2012 08:32

This is a very weird thread for a Monday morning.

Swipe left for the next trending thread