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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to.be upset that he hid in the bathroom.and

82 replies

fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 07:45

Masturbated.....
Wow. Since having dc number 5 twelve weeks ago me
And DH have dtd once. I found out late last night that when he's in the mood he sees to himself in the bathroom. He is well aware that I have a high sex drive and would not have said no. Obviously after having baby my self esteem and confidence is low. AIBU to feel so distraught???

OP posts:
Original poster
fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 08:34

Yes fluffy, the day after. He's just got up said sorry. I said I just wanted to clarify that we are both ok to masturbate. He said no.....

OP posts:
Morloth · 03/09/2012 08:35

It is just damned weird that he thinks he can tell you not to masturbate.

fluffyraggies · 03/09/2012 08:37

Well - IMO he has no right to tell you if you can or cannot masturbate. I think that's another whole thread! :(

He needs to get checked and get this sorted out. Has your sex life been ok through pregnancy fugglin?

cybbo · 03/09/2012 08:37

I sense an AIBU by stealth....

NameChangeGalore · 03/09/2012 08:40

How did you find out?! Confused

Original poster
fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 08:41

Yes sex was fine during pregnancy. So you know what? I'm going to masturbate, like all the time!

OP posts:
LadyClariceCannockMonty · 03/09/2012 08:41

He tells you if you can masturbate or not. He doesn't want to use a condom.

Nice Hmm

PooPooOnMars · 03/09/2012 08:46

My dh asks me to save it for him sometimes, although that's a request (because its more fun when Im gagging for it) not an order.

Is it like that?

Pagwatch · 03/09/2012 08:52

I am trying to imagine this conversation in my house

'can we both masturbate?'
'no'
'hahahahahahahahaha'

Although tbh

'can we both masturbate'
'pag, wtf are you asking me for permission to do what you want with your own body?' is more realistic

fluffyraggies · 03/09/2012 08:54

My Dh has no idea about my masturbating habits. Not sure he'd want to know GrinBlush But then my sex drive is stupidly high anyway.

I really think, OP, that this problem could be a right can of worms if you let it be. However it could be solved so simply. Just make him an appt. with the GP for a check.

Then - he wont be needing a condom. You can jump his bones again. Every one as they were ...

GhostShip · 03/09/2012 08:55

DP would jump at the chance of watching me/ us doing it together.

Weird how a man would try to stop his wife. Unless it was the
'no let me do it'/'save it for me'

WhatYouLookingAt · 03/09/2012 08:56

really really overreacting. What is wrong with a wank? Confused

AnnTeak · 03/09/2012 09:00

He was NBU to masturbate in the bathroom.
He is being VVVVU to tell you not to masturbate yourself!!

RubyVaultingGates · 03/09/2012 09:08

You asked him if you could masturbate? WTAF? (I cam't even imagine how that conversation would go in this house)
He said no? Now That's VVVU!

But I don't think he's BU to want to masturbate.

You definitely need to talk, and come to a mutual understanding about ""ownership" of your own bodies.

ceeveebee · 03/09/2012 09:09

I don't get it. You were asleep and he didn't want to wake you. Personally if my DH woke me in the middle of the night for a shag I'd be pretty pissed off. If you feel like you want sex why didn't you initiate it before going to sleep?
I wouldn't see it as rejection. Rejection would be if you initiated sex and he said no then snuck off to have a wank.

He has no right to tell you what to do (or not to do though)

SirBoobAlot · 03/09/2012 09:11

He told you not to masturbate? Confused

More issues going on here than a sneaky midnight wank...

OHforDUCKScake · 03/09/2012 09:25

Agreed SirBoob.

Im not even sure where to start with this! I mean, I dont think the wanking is an issue so long as you have sex. Ok so not so much since the baby came along but are you still bleeding? Is he knackered? Does he think youre knackered.

As for telling you that you cant, wtf were his reasons for that?!

Original poster
fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 09:29

He asked me not to as lead me to believe he wanted me to save it for him.

OP posts:
Pozzled · 03/09/2012 09:32

And how did you react? Did you tell him that you also want him to save himself for you, and that you felt rejected?

TyrannoWearsGoldKnickers · 03/09/2012 09:32

?! How did you even come to have that conversation? Confused

I'm really Shock about two grown adults having an issue with the other one having a wank. Why is this even a thing?

I'm trying very hard to see why you're upset and why he thinks he has a right to dictate what you do with your own body - but I'm failing I'm afraid Confused

Kayano · 03/09/2012 09:33

Lead you to believe?

Do you two actually talk and clarify stuff? Go let him enjoy his wank and you tell him your off to enjoy yours Hmm

Original poster
fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 09:36

No not still bleeding, just miffed that he asked me to save myself and proceeds to wank. Double standards?

OP posts:
PooPooOnMars · 03/09/2012 09:40

But its not always the same thing. Having a wank just isn't the same as having sex, it can be quicker, less tiring etc for a start.

My dh would rather i did it with him every time i am in the mood but sometimes i am only in the mood for a wank, not a full on sex session. That's fine, normal and mine and your dhs right.

If you are frustrated, which it sounds like you are, then you need to sort yourself out and not go along with his idea of you abstaining. Just tell him no.

pumpkinsweetie · 03/09/2012 09:41

He had his op in October!-the check should have taken place a few months backConfused!
He won't use a condom so you can't have sex due to him not having the check, he won't let you mastubrate but it's okay for him to wankHmm
You two need to have a chat and he needs to get his check pronto so you can resume lovemaking

Original poster
fugglinfuggler · 03/09/2012 09:41

Kayano - lead me to believe by asking me to save it for him....

OP posts: