to think DH should say something to his Dad

[toysoldiers]

We live about 20 mins away from my FIL and BIL (BIL is single and lives with FIL).

FIL is great and we get on well. He is helpful, babysits, the DC's love him. We normally have him for dinner at least once a week, normally a Sunday. Often DH and his Dad will go out for the day and come back for dinner.

Recently, I have said to DH that I want more family time with just the 4 of us. Family days out and more time spent together at home.

This week, FIL came out with us last Sunday, went out with DH and came for dinner on Monday, popped round on Tuesday and babysat for us (we also invited him for tea beforehand) on Friday.

I wanted this weekend to be a family weekend so DH did not invite his DF or DB.

However, they turned up at 6pm which THEY KNOW is the time we always eat. I really didn't have enough to feed more than us and they made a big song and dance about not wanting food. They sat in the garden while we ate but I just felt very uncomfortable.

I had made massive dessert which I'd hoped would last a few days but they came and sat with us and had some of that.

I was really pissed off that someone would turn up when they know people will be eating. It's not the first time either. They often turn up at meal times saying 'oh well, if you're sure there's enough'.

DH said there is no way to say something without being rude and he won't babysit if he says anything.

I don't want him never to come round, I just would like our family time to be respected a little..... and to be able to eat a meal without someone repeatedly commenting that they are fine without any .

So AIBU?

If you feed him (them?) 4 times a week and he eats as much as your dh then you are probably buying up to a third more provisions than you need. That's going to make a big dent in your budget.

Also if he eats at yours 4 times a week and has a few lady friends it's likely he rarely if ever has to buy food or cook for himself, and you and these ladies fill the role of his late DW.

Does he ever offer to buy the joint or bring pudding ?

I know it's nice he's got such a close family but really if he cared about his ds he should realise he's taking the mick.
Perhaps your dh needs to be blunt - say something like "dad we love seeing you but to be honest moneys really tight and we can't stretch to feed you (and bil) so often we can't afford it."

Either that or grow a thick skin and only cook meals that can't be stretched to another person- like jacket spuds or chops.. You can say "we've only got enough for us and the kids" laugh " unless you want me to take the food off the DC's plates.. Ha ha"

Idontdoironing - you laugh but I've pulled him up on it before.

Often DC claim not to like something and refuse to eat but, if you ignore them, they'll change their minds 10 minutes later. There have been a couple of occasions where I've left their plates on the table while I've cleared away - only to find DFIL has polished off their dinner, leaving them hungry

His response is always 'sorry, I thought they'd finished!'

I think he is taking the mick.

The response to 'sorry, I thought they'd finished!' should be 'they hadnt and now you have eaten their food, you should have asked before eating it' follow this up with an icy stare.

He is taking advantage of you - is the babysitting worth it?

Oh goodness he is just a rude, nasty man, how can you put up with it! Food off the children's plates, ugh!

Have your DH read this, please. Dear old FIL is taking advantage of you. Are you feeding BIL often too?

When you said they think you should slip into the slot of MIL, that rings true. Well it was her family she was feeding. Not the in laws, I would wager!

Toy soldiers did you hear a loud THUD - that was the sound of my jaw hitting the floor.

He really is a greedy selfish man- not only does he freeload off his ds who can ill afford to feed another adult he steals his grandchildrens food off their plate

I read somewhere about a way to stop picking off your children's plate by squirting washing up liquid over the (genuine) leftovers .

I would prefer to do that to my DC's half eaten meal and then possibly have to make some toast for supper than risk that greedy ba*rd stuffing his face. He's their gf ffs . I wouldn't even let him in the same room as them at mealtimes in future.

I would make a point of not inviting/cooking for him for a week or 2 and pointedly ignoring the subtle and not so subtle hints if he arrives uninvited, and then only feeding him when it suits you and only following an invite.

I don't think anyone has suggested cooking lessons. It seems an obvious solution, for the BiL too.

Does your DH have any idea how unattractive it is to be treated by your partner as their mother?

I do think it's lovely to be able to have the whole family together to eat regularly, as with your usual Sundays. It wouldn't be unreasonable to ask them to muck in a bit though, as members of the family, so to bring dessert or arrive early and help you or your DH make it, if they can't host occasionally.

Turning up uninvited so persistently though makes them sound like stray dogs. Or the Horobins - are Bert and Keith characters they identify with (Archers)?

OP, I sent you a message.