to let my daughter 'misbehave' in dance class?

[mrscumberbatch]

My DD is an only child. 2.5 yrs old and is the only grandchild on both sides.

As such, everywhere we go, it's all about her as everyone dotes on her.

She isn't at nursery yet as me and DP managed to split childcare/work between us.

She has not long started dance classes (tap,ballet,disco.) And she is loving it, but is prone to getting distracted and running around the class and trying to chat to the other toddlers. She also gets bored during the quiet ballet part and does her own thing.

On one hand, I don't want to intervene, out of fear that I 'squash' her confidence. My thinking is that once she is at nursery with more structured play with other toddlers that she will come into line.

On the other hand, I hate being the only one in the class with a noticeably willful toddler.

WWYD? Leave her to it and cringe inwardly or become more involved and do some hovering?

If you think about it.

If op was one of those parents...do you think she would even bothered writing her post?

In my 14 years of parenting those types never notice if their little darlings play up.

Oh but he is my DP BillyBolly

But yes, I think I probably do have dodgy taste in men. DP would most likely agree

MrsC I have seen your name about, you have been around the MN boards once or twice. Surely you can see that your OP has all the elements of a bunfight, AIBU, wilful child, centre of the universe, stifling creativity, blaming it on being an only... then when perfectly polite people tell you YABU you freak out... C'mon now, besides the few (why do people always notice the few naysayers and not the many with practical advice?) no one is saying you are a crap parent.. Not telling your child not to behave isn't the end of the world, its not like you are slapping her with the ballet pumps

"the only one in the class with a noticeably willful toddler"

Haven't read the whole thread (have to feed darn kids ) but seriously, all toddlers are wilful I must admit I left a gym class because they only wanted sheep quiet children. We left, rather than being pushed.

Toddlers are supposed to be a bit barmy

My dd1 spent one lesson crouched in the middle of the dancing circle playing with her toes, while all the other girls were waving their legs about trying to point their feet hopefully it is teaching her a bit of rhythm. If not she has discovered she has very bendy toes.

My 6 year old is wilful...Im pretty sure he will be as equally wilful when he is 60 from the look of it

My DD goes to a ballet class. The wonderful teacher makes the mums leave the room. She started lessons when she was around 3, so young.

I always thought trying to turn a load of tots into ballerinas would be like trying to nail jelly to a wall, but this teacher manages to teach and maintain discipline, and us mums get to peep through the window and chat outside. Much less stressful than wondering if you should intervene more.

I would agree with the plan to ask the teachers what they think.

Mordercai - LOL at slapping her with ballet pumps. (I'll bear that in mind!)

I've been on MN too long I'm always going to pick up the few naysayers. They're like mumsnet crack, mumsnet needs them to exist.

I've seen people get really upset when threads go topsy turvy like this but I'm a weathered old hag so don't give a shiny fuck

Although I have appreciated the decent advice from those who offered, and also commiserations to everyone else who has ever had to witness their toddler being less than perfect

I'm going to buck the trend here and say if I sent my DD to a toddler dance class I would be exxpecting children to be runnig about and not displaying ideal behaviour. Its ewhat toddlers do. I think if u pay for your child to go to that sort if class it's got to be expected. Its meant to be fun!
OP just ask the teacher if your not sure! And there is nothing u have said about your DDS behaviour that I think is abnormal for any child that age.

op,it's funny you're so stropy
maybe that's were dd gets it from
it's risible you're now hectoring posters for having temerity to disagree with you

op,it's funny you're so stropy
maybe that's were dd gets it from
it's risible you're now hectoring posters for having temerity to disagree with you

I would never hector anyone for disagreeing with me. I will firmly point out where somebody is incorrect or just being plain awful though.

Some say stroppy, some say tenacious

Lol. Poor kid, she is going to turn

out to be the child no-one likes. Even at two she needs to start learning g about social boundaries and behaviour appropriate to setting.

I would intervene and tell DD to calm down and listen or remove her.
It must be annoying for the teacher and distracting for the other children, and frustrating for all the other parents too.

DD was also an only child and only grandchild on both sides. Yes, she was also doted on by everyone. I still didn't think this gave her licence to distract others wherever we went. She also did a dance class at 2.5y BUT she was still expected to listen and join in, and not run around being daft. If she done then I would have assumed she wasn't ready for the class and removed her.

BTW DD's confidence was not in anyway squashed. She's 10y now and is brimming with confidence - but int he right settings and in the right way.

Edith I must have missed the 'typical' AIBU responses in the last three years I have been on MN where its ok for grown women to have passive aggressive digs at a 2.5 year old girl. Yes maybe I do need to go on another forum/site

Are we at the child or at the parenting

Passive aggressive to a 2.5 yo?

Bloody NORA!

Some of the posts on here!

It's clear to me that the OP thinks her DD might be used to being overindulged by close family, hence what she says about her.

Cue 500 posts of "I diagnose that like your DD is overindulged. Three hours on the Bad Mother ducking stool for YOU!!"

To be fair it WBU to allow your Daughter to misbehave anywhere, not just dance class :(

Op I think a lot of people are making unfounded assumptions. You are not saying that you do not want to discipline her but asking whether it would be appropriate in that circumstance. The advice you have been given is to intervine or speak to the teacher and you have taken that on board. I find it a bit sad as a relatively new poster to have the information you have given been interpreted the way it has by some posters.

Jeeeeezo. PropertyNightmare 'She's going to turn out to be the child noone likes'.

What a hideous thing to say. If I met a mum who said that about any child, no matter what their behaviour, I'd walk away from them.

FWIW DD has plenty of friends, so your logic is flawed. Maybe have a think about that eh?

Hulababy, great to hear that your DD is still confident as can be! I'm hoping the same for DD but I am probably a bit PFB and don't want to be too heavy handed. Like I said upthread, I'm going to have a chat with the girls that run it and see what they think.

I certainly don't think that being doted on by all of her family gives her license to wreak havoc. I do think that it means that she will need to learn that she's not the centre of everything (whereas she kind of is at home.)

I think you were jumped on as the title of your post was should you let your dd misbehave. Posters were right to say if she misbehaves, she's probably not ready and you should let the ones who are ready get on with it. Children who aren't ready tend not to go to classes until they are older. I have 3 kids and only one of them could cope with a class at 2.5. You couldn't have paid me with the other two hence they started classes at 4/5 ish.

If you had asked on a different forum (chat? Parenting? ) if it's normal for a 2.5 year old not to concentrate for a whole lesson then every one would agree.

All toddlers are self-centred and cherished so the information about how cherished she is was totally unnecessary. I'm not surprised that people took "it's all about her" to mean she gets away with everything.

mrscumberbatch

From a parent's perspective: we took DD to a pre-school drama class at the same age. Basically, some singing, some dancing, some guided roleplay. She really enjoyed it.

Like all the other toddlers she joined in with some stuff, got shy/bored and sat out on other stuff. But several of us left after a term of a couple of other children being there who did run around squealing, distracting the others, and generally 'misbehaving'. So much time was spent by the leader trying to re-engage these children that the others got bored themselves.

I did email the leader and told her why and she said it was really hard because behaviour management wasn't really supposed to be her thing. She was there to lead the activities and engage the children and she expected parents to step in and address all of the behaviours. Of course, I understood this, but we had to think about what was best for our child. I'm sure these other children were lovely, but it wasn't the right environment for them.

From a professional's perspective: I lead pre-school music sessions. Of course I expect a bit of exuberance, of course I expect children to have a bit of a wander, of course I expect some children to enjoy some activities more than others. But what I expect more than anything is for parents to be very much on the ball. All of the parents have paid and all of the children are there to enjoy themselves. I'm quite happy to ignore a child who is wandering off doing their own thing, but at the point at which is becomes distracting to me or the other children, it has gone to far and I expect the parents to step in.

It's very different to being at school where the teacher is responsible for behaviour management. I have a plethora of behaviour management techniques up my sleeve being a primary school teacher, but I don't expect to have to employ them in music sessions - the children are too small and the time too limited. I expect parents to step in all the way.

I would definitely speak with the teacher. It can be a tricky situation to handle if you're not used to it.

LeftTheBlimminWashingOutAgain. I'm biased but would tend to agree- I think that people are just making up their own OP for this one to suit themselves.

I also think that downright nasty opinions should be kept to yourself. Talk about misbehaviour! [stern mumface emoticon]

(Do I still count as a new poster if Ive been here three years? How long is the initiation period these days )

mrscumberbatch, why would you walk away from someone that said a child would turn out to be a child no one likes? In my experience, spoilt, self-centred children that think it's all about them generally aren't liked. Yes, they do have friends when they're younger as at a young age children just play with whichever child is nearby, but by the time they get to 6 or 7 and start to form their own judgements and opinions, the spoilt children are often pretty friend-less.

I don't think it's too early to start teaching her that she isn't the centre of the everything and that she needs to learn to fit in with, and respect, others.