to call ss?

[alienreflux]

Ok so this is the first time i've had a thread so hope i get lots of honest replies.i have a neighbour who has a now 2.5 yr old girl,she is a single mum.i have seen her smack the little girls bum while holding her over her arm, what looked quite hard 4/5 times. then last week while gettting my dc's in the car (about 5 houses down) i could hear her screaming at the top of her lungs "all you do is want want want well FUUUUUUCCK YOU" when i got back from shop i could hear little girl really screaming. AIBU to put a call in to ss? have never done anything like that before, but can't stop worrying.

IfIwas I should imagine bail conditions will be on him preventing him being ALONE with a child under 16 ie another adult in room apart from that nothing can be done unfortunately I know this from personal experience

Do NOT call Social Services

You have no idea how even well-meaning professionals can rip a normal, innocent family apart and cause untold misery.

I was speaking to my DP on my mobile when in hospital. Someone reported me to SS for what they overheard. I can understand why they did, I used the word "shaking", which wasn't what I meant or did but was how I'd previously described it. However...when we tried to explain the real situation, we were ignored. We were told if we did not go along with SS's demands, they would get an emergency court order and take away our 2 week old, breastfeeding first born.

DS1, at 2 weeks old, was subjected to 3 types of unnecessary hospital medical checks to ensure I had not abused him. At one point, he was screaming so much, he nearly choked. They were supposed to do 13 X-rays but the Chief Radiologist stopped at 7 (! 2 weeks old, remember) because in her words, it was a waste of time and there was nothing wrong with him. The medical staff were mainly excellent and completely apologetic as DS1 was completely healthy and they felt I was looking after him perfectly. The Chief Paediatrician, however, insisted on every check being made as "an allegation of abuse had been made and had to be investigated". He needed to tick his boxes, coming not long after poor Baby P's death, to cover his own arse at the expense of my family's wellbeing.

Please DO NOT call Social Services. They will not help, they are not miracle workers, they will only make this poor woman and this poor child's life worse.

Whilst that must have been a horrible experience for you, Nicey, they do a lot of a good work. And without their support a lot worse would happen in a lot of situations.

hi all, thanks for all your replies,but i'm more confused than ever!!? just to clarify a few points that have come up. the neighbours round here who live next to her have told me loads of worrying incidents (shouting and swearing,) but even as far back as when the little girl was about 6 months?! the smacking incident was not just how i would not parent , but worryingly aggressive. So, some of this is hearsay i know, and my next door neighbour (they don't tend to gossip if that's how it sounds) says ss are involved as she's struggled since baby was born. she used to have her mum go round, and her mum seemed sound,but i haven't seen her 4 ages. read a thread earlier, which a girl had had her ds taken off her, and she was devastated,ok further down the post it did seem founded?!!

Please call SS or NSPCC.

For all you know that mother might have had children removed from her care in the past, or this child might already be in the at risk register, or other people may have reported similar concerns (or not!).

There's no way for you to find out how bad the situation is. All we can do is guess and speculate based on our own experiences and parenting styles.

If you are concerned, you should raise those concerns. If SS don't think is serious (and by the sounds of things their thresholds are getting ridiculously high) then nothing will happen anyway. If they know other things that neither you nor anyone else on MN could possibly know then they can take the right action.

X-posted.

It still sounds like you should contact SS.

SS don't just turn up and take children away. They will offer her support where its needed, or take further action if its in the best interest of the child. Yes, do call them.

Ok limiting information her so as to not 'out' myself. I know of someone who sounds similar to this woman, her neighbour, after asking on several occasions if all was well, put an anonymous call in the RSPCC, as it was out of hours it was passed to the police, they visited and checked on the child, the next day SS called and sat with the woman, recommended seeing her GP (suspected, delayed PND), and arranged a follow up visit with her HV also present, they also contacted Sure Start and got a couple of home visits, arranged for her to attend parent and child groups etc. She said the shock of being reported awoke her to her behaviour and avenues of support were opened up to her which were of help. So I'd give them a ring, she could just need a bit of support or a short sharp shock before it possibly snowballs.

OP - if the family are known to SS already then, from what you describe, you should speak to them and say you are concerned that things have escalated.

Agree you should call SS or NSPCC because a. your concerns are potentially more serious than a one-off frazzled Mum at the end of her tether and b. as Frankie says, she may already be on their radar.

But the HV advice is also good - one to think about given SS are increasingly not helping families because the funding is being cut.

If anyone has concerns about a.child's welfare they should ring SS..that is what they are there for. They will assess the situation, not just barge in.

God the poor little thing, that's terrible, I don't understand all the tolerance on here for adults in this kind of scenario. What has this baby ever done to her other than being born - it's so fucking grim!

golden In my case, its experience of how little SS actually do for families these days, they will do sod all.

SirBoobAlot, as a nice, middle-class girl who believed that govt agencies are there to help and protect us, I used to believe that SS did a lot of good.

Now, however, after my experience of actually being the subject of their work, I have very little appreciation of their efforts.

If you get down to brass tacks, what can they actually do? Leave children in difficult families and try to "help"? Take children away from their families? Put children into the care system where their chances of a happy life plummet?

I genuinely think that unless a child is actually being abused, SS do much more harm than good.

OP, if SS are already involved, then there is nothing for you to do or worry about. The best you could do is be available as a role model or friend / approachable neighbour if she wants that.

If you really want to help, why not go round and say that you've noticed her mum isn't around as much anymore and can you babysit her DD for a while so she can get on with something else?

Well from the further information the OP has acquired it seems that it is more and more leaning towards that is exactly what is going on - abuse. So do people just give up, not care, not get involved anymore because it's all a bit hopeless or because people are too busy being consumed by their own mediocrity to actually give a damn?

I know of a case with 3 sisters where the intervention of social services has led them all to have much, much better prospects.

I would ring the NSPCC. Life sounds bloody grim for that poor little girl.

You need to call SSD. Its all part of the bigger picture. Its not the childs fault and its unfair to leave a young vulnerable person in that situation without at least trying to do something about it.

I'm another vote for NSPCC, ime they're nicer to deal with. It does sound as though this child may already be known to SS, in which case it's important they get reports like yours so they can get the 'big picture'.

hope this isn't the child concerned?

Please pick up the phone and report this NOW.
Not tonight, not tomorrow, but as soon as you can get to a phone.
If that is what you witnessed in public, I dread to think of what might potentially be going on behind closed doors

Somebody needs to be that child's voice, and, right now, the best person to do that is you.

right, ok thanks guys, im going to phone nspcc. will let u know what they say. cheers 4 making up my mind 4 me :(

On behalf of that child-Thankyou. x

Alien you really are doing the right thing, well done, please let us know what they say.

Good for you.

I'm glad you've decided to tell someone. It's just not worth the chance.