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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to tell one collegue.

108 replies

DefinitelyDarwin · 01/09/2012 10:00

I'm about 6 weeks pregnant and work with three other girls.

I've told the two I get on with, I kind of had to because I was tasked with lifting some really heavy boxes and I said I couldn't and manager wanted to know why. (I've had 2 mc's so I'm really trying to be as careful as possible)

Anyway there's only one girl left who doesn't know and I don't want her to, at least not until its really obvious.

I'm not really very pally with her as she's quite two faced and she's quite centre of the universe.

She never has anything nice to say about anything and actually put in a complaint last Xmas because I couldn't work ( childcare being non existent) and her favourite comment is " well you should have thought about that before having him".

I feel like I'm justified in keeping it shtum

OP posts:
sleepsforwimps2010 · 01/09/2012 11:40

my mil goes to a group once a week, they have a speaker, or demo some weeks, do yoga others...... she refers to the other attendees as ' the girl's'
she is one of the youngest that attends. this October she'll be 78!.
' Girls ' is just an expression..... why are people jumping OP for using it???
im not wild about it but clearly no offense was intended. Some people I think are looking to be offended so they have something to winge about.

and regarding not working xmas, OP said she told her manager at interview she couldn't work xmas...... So if her colleagues aren't happy TOUGH they should take it up with boss....
how is it ops fault that that didn't say they couldn't work at xmas? or that any of you didn't when having your interviews?
we all have choices.

congratulations on pregnancy btw!

DowntonOut · 01/09/2012 11:41

Regardless of all the other stuff, why is this even an issue in the first place. Is someone trying to force you to tell the third colleague? is someone threatening to tell her? If not, there's no problem. You can tell who you like and you know it. Are you really worried about whether you should share a secret with someone you don't like? Hmm

Or did you just want a reason to come on here and bitch about her?

Hopeforever · 01/09/2012 11:42

Defiantely Darwin, I am so sorry you have had such stupid abuse in this thread which you do not deserve at all.

You are 6 weeks pregnant after a series of MC's, no wonder you are hormonal and sensitive.

YANBU to keep quiet, your boss sounds lovely and shouldn't say. As you are moving will you keep the same job.

Glad your DH has a new job, hope you get RL support through the early days of this pregnancy

DowntonOut · 01/09/2012 11:43

P.s if you want to have a bitch, have a bitch. Sometimes we all need to vent.

CinnamonSal · 01/09/2012 11:53

Wow bitchiness on here....

marquesas · 01/09/2012 12:04

I can't believe some of the nastiness of this thread - totally uncalled for IMO.

OP - tell who you feel comfortable with about your pregnancy (congratulations). If you started a job with anagreement in place that you wouldn't have to work on a particular day I don't see the problem. Everywhere I've ever worked would honour a holiday that you'd booked before you even had the interview, I don't see that the OP's position is any different.

And, Fut, whether you believe it or not I wouldn't have anyone to leave my children with on Christmas day without lots of prior organisation and return drives of 100s of miles.

AlwaysHoldingOnToStars · 01/09/2012 12:19

Wow! What a load of nastiness on this thread, and nothing to do with the AIBU the op asked. We used to have a rota over Christmas back when I worked and I would never have got arsey with anyone who wanted time off to spend with their kids.

YANBU to not tell her if you don't want. Are you sure your colleagues won't let it slip?

Congratulations!

Cokeaholic · 01/09/2012 13:28

I fail to see what the problem is with the turn of phrase "girls". Do we also have a problem with "the boys" as in "the boys in IT" or whatever gets bandied about at work.

If people don't like "wimmin" how about "Ladies "? Al Murray turned that into a joke with his "fruit based drink for the lady/ladies".

Girls/Women/Ladies, not a problem with the word, it's the tone of voice/context it's used in that gives away whether it's derogatory or not so leave off the OP everyone.

In the Op's situation I wouldn't openly tell the difficult colleague very early but I wouldn't make a big thing of not telling her either. Surely if Ms Difficult Colleague races in early on the first possible day and books up all Bank Holidays there would have been complaints by other staff members at such unreasonable behaviour, if not a complaint by the OP herself. Something isn't quite right with the picture being painted here.

However, back to the OP's "predicament" work wise......
Still can't think of a 365 day a year work situation of self-employment unless it is animal based farming and even then, from family experience, it's minimum duties only over Xmas, mucking out and feeding/monitoring sick stock/calling out the Vet/milking if it's dairy and allowing access for milk collection, which from family experience, can be done safely with a 3 year old if you really want to. I'm guessing OP's DP doesn't want to.

If your DP doesn't have any time off over Christmas how do you even have a family Christmas except squeezing it in before and after work each day?

Alligatorpie · 01/09/2012 13:35

OP sorry you've been given such a hard time, there is a lot of nastiness here today!
In answer to your question, no, don't tell her. You don't owe her anything.

WelshMaenad · 01/09/2012 13:36

YANBU not to tell her.

YANBU not to be able to find childcare around Xmas. My DD's private day nursery closes for a week around Xmas. My husband works retail, as management he invariably works Xmas eve and boxing day. We don't have family nearby to help. Quite what the fuck I was supposed to do with my 18 month old if I'd 'had' to work is anyone's guess!!

Emmielu · 01/09/2012 13:41

Sticking to what you asked op and not going off onto why childcare was difficult over Xmas - If you don't want to tell her then you don't have to. Nor do you have to explain why you don't want to tell her. Congrats on your pregnancy Grin

EnglishGirlApproximately · 01/09/2012 13:53

Why do people find it so hard to believe that childcare is an issue at christmas? Me & DP both work in retail so are expected to be there until late on christmas eve then early on boxing day. My dad is not able to take care of a baby, other GP's live in another county, dsis and db live miles away etc. All local nurseries close for a week.

The OP said that she told her manager that childcare would be an issue when she started and the manager was happy to work around that. She hasn't said that she had all of the other bank holidays off too, for all we know she worked the new years bank holidays instead.

OP - just ignore the nastiness on here.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 01/09/2012 14:12

Why have certain posters turned this thread into a nasty, nit picking interrogation of the OP? Very rude and totally unnecessary.

OP, don't feel bad, you are at liberty to tell who you like, whenever you like.

HildaOgden · 01/09/2012 14:17

I really can't believe the nastiness of a couple of posters on this thread,totally uncalled for.If the colleague mentioned in the op is even 10 per cent as vitriolic as those women,it is no wonder the OP doesn't feel like sharing good news with her.

Hide the thread,Darwin,you really don't have to accept this hectoring.Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy :)

RuleBritannia · 01/09/2012 14:26

OP doesn't have to tell the disliked colleague that she is pregnant but surely one of the others will tell her?

NinePeedles · 01/09/2012 14:27

Just tell who you want to.

(are you by any chance Mrs S Claus?)

arthurfowlersallotment · 01/09/2012 15:37

What is wrong with Mumsnet at the moment? The OP is in her first trimester of pregnancy, and she has a history of mc. She's understandably worried and clearly works with an unpleasant person. She was asking about disclosure, nothing else.

The nastiness on here at the moment is revolting.

OP, you are perfectly entitled not to tell everyone. Congratulations and I wish you a safe and happy pregnancy.

DigestivesWithPhiladelphia · 01/09/2012 15:57

I wish that I was still described a a 'girl'. Now I hear myself being described a lady. Sad (No, I don't need a long lecture about 'women', feminism and suffragettes, thank you. I've been hearing it from my mother, since the time she grew hairy armpits in the '80's. It all goes over my head now. Yawn.)

OP, you are not being unreasonable. Tell who you want, when you want.

ErikNorseman · 01/09/2012 16:09

Congratulations on your pregnancy! What a load of weirdos there are on MN at the moment.

OhChristFENTON · 01/09/2012 16:15

There are a few miserable fuckers on here today, what's up with some of you ? Jesus.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP, and YANBU - none of her business, keep it under wraps from her as long as you can.

DameEnidSpink · 01/09/2012 16:18

What Arthur and Erik said.

Unbelievable thread. OP asks about whether to tell a colleague and gets a lecture about not working at xmas and her DPs job. [ffs emoticon]

DameEnidSpink · 01/09/2012 16:18

And congratulations OP

kim147 · 01/09/2012 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trazzletoes · 01/09/2012 16:23

Congratulations. I don't think you are unreasonable not to tell her.

As an aside, I for one am delighted that fut is surrounded by tons and tons of family and friends who will look after her children at the drop of a hat so she can work and go to hospital appointments etc.

OP, I don't get why some people don't believe that not everyone has childcare on tap.

SirBoobAlot · 01/09/2012 16:26

Some of you are really being tits today.

No, OP, YANBU. Congratulations and good luck.