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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is wrong?

78 replies

gremlindolphin · 30/08/2012 22:41

We had a group of my dds (11) friends round for a sleep over at the weekend.

One the children woke up in the night and dd came and got me. I comforted the child and moved her into another room with a bed (rather than a blow up mattress) as she thought that would be more comfortable.

I was woken by dd in the morning asking where her friend was - she was not where I had left her.

After a bit of a panic I found a note in the kitchen - the child had rung her Mum about 7.30 and she came and took her home without waking anyone!

Is this odd or considerate?! I was shocked although I would have been quite surprised if the Mum had suddenly appeared in our room but think that she should have told the child to come into me or told my dd?

Even if I had agreed to pick my child up I would feel very odd sneaking around someones house while they were asleep and think I would have got the chlld to tell someone.

What do you think?!

OP posts:
Hullygully · 30/08/2012 22:44

I think they were being considerate not to wake you, but should have texted/rang later to thank you and explain

Ithinkitsjustme · 30/08/2012 22:46

I think that's rather weird behaviour tbh. There's no way that I would have picked my child up without telling the person who was looking after them.

Flojo1979 · 30/08/2012 22:47

Quite odd, but I assume to child waited for her mum at the door and mum wasn't wandering around your house while everyone slept!

Ithinkitsjustme · 30/08/2012 22:48

On the other hand I'd rather that than the person who threw my son and his friends out at 5 in the morning because they were making too much noise with no phonecall/ notice to any of the parents and left them to make their own way home at the age of 9!

Original poster
gremlindolphin · 30/08/2012 22:52

OMG Ithinkitsjustme! That is wrong!

OP posts:
Hopeforever · 30/08/2012 22:54

She left a note, I think they were actually being considerate. The girl was possibly embarrassed?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/08/2012 22:56

It's odd, but tbh if I found myself in that situation I'd struggle to know what to do for the best so I wouldn't think too much about it. The other Mum probably would have felt bad no matter what she had done,

Hassled · 30/08/2012 22:57

I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing. It's a tough call between sneaking around and leaving a note or waking you up and effectively saying "I MUST leave this house". Neither is good - can't say which is worse.

mamalovesmojitos · 30/08/2012 23:06

I think it's perfectly acceptable if they left a note, and they were considerate not to wake you.

bobbledunk · 30/08/2012 23:09

They left a note because they didn't want to wake you, I don't find that odd, they were only being considerate.

chocoluvva · 30/08/2012 23:28

Surely the mum of your DD's friend could have told her to let her know when you were up and THEN come and fetch her. Having got through the sleepover could she not have waited until someone was up? Why was she so desperate? Perhaps she hadn't got back to sleep. Still, 11 is old enough to wait I'd have thought. If was 5 it would be different.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 30/08/2012 23:38

i suspect the dd was embarassed and genuinly upset and wanted her mum. she probaly begged mum not to wake you etc and to save a scene the mum has gone along with it. However she probably should have rang you later, but then on the other hand if I where you I probably would have rang to make sure nothing had happened in my house to make the girl so upset that she needed to leave with such eargancy and check she was O.K. I suspect the other mum is as miffed with your lack of contact as you are with hers.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 30/08/2012 23:39

eargancy? urgency obviously

NCForNow · 30/08/2012 23:43

That's not weird. The child was homesick and out of her comfort zone. She phoned her Mum...her Mum saw that nobody was awake and told her t leave a note.

Be more understanding. It's not wrong. How old are they all?

Nanny0gg · 31/08/2012 00:01

The OP said We had a group of my dds (11) friends round.!
I can't see why they couldn't have waited for you all to be up. Had the girls had a falling-out?

Ithinkitsjustme what on earth did you all say to that woman?

StinkyPig · 31/08/2012 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
gremlindolphin · 31/08/2012 08:24

Its great reading your comments thank you!

TheEnthusiasticTroll - I did ring the mum as soon as I found the note and the child was fine, she had tummy ache in the night which happens all the time apparently.

It was the panic before we found the note that was the worrying bit!

OP posts:
Svrider · 31/08/2012 08:29

Carnt help but wonder how other mother got in without a key!
Time to rethink your security
As for her being in your house without your knowledge I'd be Angry tbh

dottyspotty2 · 31/08/2012 08:37

Why does she need to rethink her security our keys are left in door after locking then if anything happens[fire etc] we can get out again

SoupDragon · 31/08/2012 08:40

Carnt help but wonder how other mother got in without a key!

Let me think.... perhaps her DD let her in having been watching for her mother to arrive?

lljkk · 31/08/2012 08:41

Er, 11yo girl opened the door & let her in, no Svrider? Fire escape hazard if doors work any other way.

What StinkyPig said, they were balancing being considerate about your sleep with informing you.

teenagersmother · 31/08/2012 08:43

agree with Svrider about the security. If child opened the door to her mother who locked it after they had left ? Our door has to be locked with a key otherwise anyone could just come in !!
I would be quite uptight about the situation personally. The child really should have told your daughter or the mum woken you in my opinion.

lljkk · 31/08/2012 08:43

I really hate being woken up early, I'd be very grateful they had chosen to quietly go off & not bother me.

RuleBritannia · 31/08/2012 08:54

I wouldn't have that child again.

HairyBeaver · 31/08/2012 09:07

I think the poor girl was just homesick and feeling poorly and wanted her own bed Sad

Don't see anything wrong with what they done although I'd probably be a bit miffed for the first 5 minutes Grin

Can't believe a "mother" would kick out a bunch of 9 year olds at 5am AngryAngry