Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is wrong?

78 replies

gremlindolphin · 30/08/2012 22:41

We had a group of my dds (11) friends round for a sleep over at the weekend.

One the children woke up in the night and dd came and got me. I comforted the child and moved her into another room with a bed (rather than a blow up mattress) as she thought that would be more comfortable.

I was woken by dd in the morning asking where her friend was - she was not where I had left her.

After a bit of a panic I found a note in the kitchen - the child had rung her Mum about 7.30 and she came and took her home without waking anyone!

Is this odd or considerate?! I was shocked although I would have been quite surprised if the Mum had suddenly appeared in our room but think that she should have told the child to come into me or told my dd?

Even if I had agreed to pick my child up I would feel very odd sneaking around someones house while they were asleep and think I would have got the chlld to tell someone.

What do you think?!

OP posts:
Margerykemp · 31/08/2012 09:11

I say weird. What a pfb mum. Sneaking off when other people are asleep is rude imo. And I'd be pissed off that a stranger had invited themselves into my home without my permission. No come to think of it I'd be raging!

RedHelenB · 31/08/2012 09:13

Mum may not have stepped foot in the house!! DD's friend probasbly was all ready & waiting for her.

SoupDragon · 31/08/2012 09:32

Not every door needs to be locked by a key. I have never lived in a house where this is the case.

Margerykemp · 31/08/2012 09:36

Well before the days of mobiles what would she have done?

If she had been ill enough to warrant an early exit I'd day that was ill enough to tell the supervising parent.

This child sounds like a spoilt brat and her and her mum need to toughen up. She is 9 not 5.

frasersmummy · 31/08/2012 09:41

this is just pathetic behaviour on behalf of the kid and the mum..

why didnt the 9 year old wake her friend and say she was going home?

why didnt the mum say go wake your friend ...say ok wait till your friends mum is up and then tell her

i am guessing the friend who lived their would have comforted her friend and/or wakened her mum and said so and so wants to go home

you dont just turn up and spirit a child away even with a note....its the oddest behaviour

WaitingForMe · 31/08/2012 09:46

Every door in my house needs locking with a key so unless they took it, locked it and posted it through the letter box I'd be pretty angry.

Also in agreement with the posters labelling her a spoilt brat with a daft mother.

poopadoop · 31/08/2012 09:51

'spoilt brat'? 'toughen up'? Over-the-top harsh! Some 9 year olds are still quite 'young' and can easily get homesick, esp if they aren't feeling well. Can understand the panic, but also them not wanting to wake you or freak you out by being in your house. On balance, the girl should really have knocked on your door before leaving but really, in general thinks it sounds ok. Poor thing.

HairyBeaver · 31/08/2012 09:54

She's 11 not 9

valiumredhead · 31/08/2012 09:55

They left a note so they were being considerate not waking everyone up.

Spoilt brat? Why because she was homesick? How horrible Sad

potoftea · 31/08/2012 09:57

I would have done exactly what the mother did.

She gets a call at 7.30 in morning, maybe from crying child, saying she is awake and wants to go home, feeling sick, can't sleep, no one else is awake, she is lonely etc.. Any mother who could tell her 11 year old child to put up with it, is a lot tougher than I could be.
I would have a note to give to my dd to leave in a conspicious place explaining the situation, and waited in the car to bring her home. I would not go into the house though, as I wasn't invited.

Margerykemp · 31/08/2012 10:00

How can you even get 'homesick' when you're only go e for a few hours?

This baffles me. That girl needs to learn some independence or she'll be living at home in her 30s.

SoupDragon · 31/08/2012 10:01

The child was feeling unwell!

Margerykemp · 31/08/2012 10:03

If she left at 7.30 she must have called her mum way before then, probably waking her up, getting her up and out of the house, poss driving to go and fetch her, all before 7.30 am. That is v selfish of her. The 11 yo is obviously used to her mum being a mummy martyr at her beck and call 24/7. This is not preparing her for adult life!

SoupDragon · 31/08/2012 10:05

She is 11. She isn't an adult.

SoupDragon · 31/08/2012 10:06

If my child phoned me saying they felt unwell, I would try to persuade them to stay but if they insisted they wanted to come home I would fetch them, Because I am their mother. I think it would be mean and selfish not to just because I couldn't be arsed to get out of bed.

Tschiffely · 31/08/2012 10:08

The mum could have been up already and getting ready for work.

NCForNow · 31/08/2012 10:09

I used to get anxious Margery when staying at friends homes...some DC just don't enjoy it as much as they imagine.

SoupDragon...me too tbh but she might have been afraid the others would laugh...or she may have felt weird waking up alone...like she'd been ousted. Kids are very sensitive at this age.

iknowwho · 31/08/2012 10:10

Some harsh comments about the girl.

MN at it's best I see!!

FFS What does it matter to people that mum picked her daughter up early?

OP I don't think it was wrong. She left a note and probably wondered what to do for the best and decided not to wake you. No problems.

NCForNow · 31/08/2012 10:10

Margery she's ELEVEN! That is still very young....not selfish and you can't know what time the Mother is normally up OR that she's used to her Mum being a "mummy martyr" whatever that is.

SoggySummer · 31/08/2012 10:10

Its odd. I can "get" why they did it. Mum and daughter were probably a bit embarrassed or found it hard to know what was the right thing to do.

That said if my 11yo DD called me and asked me to get her I would tell her to wake her friend and tell her I was going home and get friend to wake/tell mum.

I would have freaked right out to find a child missing in the morning.

I would be reluctant to have the same child sleepover again and if I did I would communicate with both the child and the parents a contingency plan that suits us all.

Margerykemp · 31/08/2012 10:10

And if they do the same when they go off to uni do you just let them quit and come home?

It teaches DCs a valuable lesson that sometimes they have to suck it up and wait a couple of hours.

Was the situation really improved by her coming home at 7.30am rather than 9.30 am?

more · 31/08/2012 10:11

What would upset me is that I hadn't been warned. She told you that this happens a lot, then why not tell you beforehand so you would have known how to have dealt with it. If she had told you then you would have known that she wasn't looking for a comfy bed instead of airmattress. That she wasn't looking for anybody but her mum to comfort her. You would have known that the only solution in their eyes would have been to phone her mother to collect her. Sneaking around like that, giving OP grey hair and heart attack the minute she wakes up is no good.

Margerykemp · 31/08/2012 10:13

IMO she's more likely to be teased now for her clandestine exit. DCs remember stuff like this as good fodder for bullying. I would want to protect my DCs from that.

iknowwho · 31/08/2012 10:21

Not everything has to be a life lesson Margery
Why put up with something if you don't have to? She didn't harm anyone.

As for the going to uni comment ffs!!!

Why assume a girl who was out of her comfort zone and didn't feel good is
1 going to go to uni
2 going to be the same person in another 7 years time.

What the hell does it matter

I have had the same thing here but the parents haven't come round the child has taken themselves home at about 7 ish. (Live round the corner) a text message that all is ok and no worries!!
Kids still play together and in and out of my house all day and no issuing about bullying.

ZillionChocolate · 31/08/2012 10:27

I think what they did was fine. It's unfortunate that it caused you to worry OP but leaving a note in the kitchen seems to have been a reasonable thing to do given the time.

Swipe left for the next trending thread