To be fed up with my DH not participating in family life or chores?

[Veryfrustratedandfedup]

I am fed up with it. DH works full time, I work not quite full time but almost full time, from home as a freelancer. DH will only do DIY, other than that he just sits at the laptop or watching sport all the time that he is home. Sometimes I think he looks for DIY jobs to do that don't really need doing just to get him out of childcare and housework.

He eats his dinner, plonks his plate on the worktop, sometimes doesn't even scrape the food off. He won't put any washing away. He won't do any cleaning as he doesn't like doing it. He won't bath our two young DCs. He literally has his tea each night, then goes and sits watching TV and sits there and sits there. He won't do any of the necessary jobs each night, which consequently means I am often washing lunchboxes or ironing clothes at 10pm ready for the next day. The house is a tip and he doesn't care. He'll happily have a shower in a filthy shower, or sit at a table full of crumbs. If he's left to put the DCs to bed (I have on occasion just not done this and done other jobs) they are still running around at 10pm whilst he watched tv.

The other thing is his lack of participation in family life at weekends. All other families I know do things like food shopping at weekends, walks, family outings. DH won't even take the DCs to the local park for an hour so that I can catch up on work or change all the bedding. He gets up, goes to the loo for half an hour with the ipad, ambles downstairs and gets himself breakfast, then his day of either sitting about or doing DIY begins. I'd like us to do things as a family, even if it is just going to Asda and doing a shop.

He also won't put any input at all into family meals. On a weekend he'll whizz off to the shop and get himself a pack of sandwiches rather than making any as then he would have to get the DCs some lunch. It's all just left to me all the bloody time.

And the final thing is lack of interaction with the DCs. He literally won't do anything with them and never seems to enjoy their company. He won't do a jigsaw with them, or watch a film with them. Nothing.

I'm so fed up I feel like leaving

So leave!

He sounds like a complete waste of space.

I meant to say in my original message that the reason he won't do any housework apart from not liking it is he says I should do it all whilst DS is at nursery. Which is only for 9 hours - 3 mornings - per week and I literally spend every second of that working. He seems to think I have these vast amounts of spare time but I never even get 10 minutes to have a soak in the bath.

What's good about being with him?

He sounds LOVELY. I don't know why you think there's any question about reasonableness here.

Why on earth are you still with him?

Sorry, and his good points are..?

Ok so you don't ask + being a lazy git he avoidd offering ?

Or you ask + he refuses?

What did he do before the kids?

OP, what do you think his defence argument would be if he read your OP?

My DH can be like that about the housework, although sometimes he will do some, and he redeems himself with family time.

Regarding the housework bit, I got a cleaner. Just once a fortnight, but it takes the resentment out of that part of my relationship with DH.

I find the lack of participation in family time more worrying for you. Good luck. Of course YANBU.

If you leave, it sounds as though neither you, he, nor the DCs would notice any difference in your lives (except you'd be less irritated by him).

Bossybritches, if I ask he says he'll do things later, and he says he doesn't like being asked to do things as it makes him resentful towards me.

Vivi, his argument is that he works, and he's tired, and he always says "the kids are okay" if I say he could perhaps do something with them. He thinks he's in the right

You need to write yourself a pro/con list.

He sounds really disengaged from his family... and from you. Was he ever engaged or have you always done all the running?

What are his parents like? What is his family role model?

I wouldn't mind as much about the housework if it wasn't for the other things. If, say, he got home from work every night, played with the DCs, bathed them, read them a bedtime story and then tidied their rooms before bed I wouldn't mind.

It seems like he wants to live the life of a single man with the added perk of a wife and kids to have when it suits him

I feel for you as my other half is pants too,you need to decide if you would be happier with or with out him. The problem with selfish people is that they are not able to think about anyone but them selves. Children need to be in a stable loving home the number of parents is not importat,just that they feel secure. I am sorry that you are unhappy x

Totally agree with Carrie, and can't help but think that squoosh has it. I'm far from a LTB crier, but no-one needs this shit.

good points, Bonsoir

Sounds like my BiL.

Who is STBX BiL (turned out there was an affair, but the other behaviour, which was just like your "D"H, preceded it by years and was always a huge issue in the marriage). They might have got over the affair with counselling had the other shit not chipped away at my DS's feelings for him over the years.

So what's in it for you?

Bonsoir, he parents were pretty good parents. His dad in particular always did a lot with him, and his dad was always very hands on both with him and his sister, and around the house.

No, I haven't always done the running. He's got lazier and lazier over the years, although he has always had a lazy streak, ie he won't do anything if there's a small chance anyone else may do it on his behalf

He sounds awful. How old are your DCs? Can't be good for them to be around such a disengaged parent. My DP is no angel and will leave a lot of the childcare to me and also does that trick of finding DIY or car maintainance to do instead of taking DS off my hands for a while BUT he does do his bit and we all enjoy regular family outings.

The Dcs are 7 and 3

OP you've still not told us why you're with him, his good points, what you love about him etc.

I would leave him.

That's because I'm finding that rather difficult to answer, Vivi.

He is slowly but surely putting me off him with his attitude and lack of input into family life. I suppose he isn't all bad, he's never horrible to me and he is loving. But at the moment I cannot see past the fact that he is taking the piss and leaving everything to me, all the time