to be fed up of being skint and feeling like a scrounger?

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

Really sick of hearing that people on benefits are lazy scroungers.

DP has done three weeks work which he hasnt been paid for. Boss called them in yesterday, expecting them to return to work even though he still hasnt paid them. We have had to sign on just to be able to eat.

The government would say "Just go get another job!"

How? Where are these jobs? DP is very qualified in a lot of different areas of work, and there isnt a single job. The woman assessing his claim wanted him to take a 20 hour pw job over an hour from where we live. So we would be paying for him to travel to work and not much else.

Its so tiring and stressful. Today we literally have £3. We have to move house at the weekend and no idea how we can do it. I am so bloody sick of hearing how lazy people are when infact they arent.

How do we make the government listen? Thats a genuine question! Are there petitions or campaigns I should support? Would writing to No.10 help?

When will this end?

someone suggested milk and more earlier, but I tried my postcode (also Northern Ireland) and it didn't recognise it, so sadly I think that might be a non starter for OP

www.trusselltrust.org/foodbank-projects Look on here to see where your closest one is, then call your midwife and ask her to do a home visit. She'll come out and will be able to help.

OP can you get to a market town or can your DH stop off at one on the way back from work at closing time? Should be able to get big boxes of veg for next to nothing or even get fruit and veg that's been dropped - there's always one or two people looking around at closing time at our market for this reason. I've picked up an avocado or two in my time too!

Also if you didn't see it on one of the saving money threads recently, I have been converted to www.approvedfood.co.uk/ perhaps not advisable for you to eat out of date food as pg but could help you stock your cupboards for your dh once you have a few pounds to spare, some of the stuff is super cheap and first delivery free. Good luck x

This thread is really heartwarming in the main and I don't think OP is a scrounger at all, I hope she manages to make it through this tough time okay. But I am afraid I'm going to be the one who asks - just because I don't know the answer - if this is true:

"We have been struggling on DPs min wage jobs for a long time."

Then when would you decide to have another baby now? And also, you said that you were struggling to get temp jobs whilst pregnant, that I understand. But what were you doing before you got pregnant, did you not have a job then?

Honestly, I'm not seeking to turn this around on you, but I've read the whole thread and expected this to be explained by now. I waited for ages before having DC, till I knew - as much as you can ever know - that things were relatively stable. I guess I just don't get why you wouldn't have waited, if you thought things were getting better, until you'd got on a firmer footing?

Helpful observation there pinkdelight.

Erm, think I put it in context, CB. There's been plenty of helpful comments for the OP, as I mentioned. This is AIBU. I don't think she's BU, but maybe she is. How could I know without asking what I asked?

Especially if No10 is getting the blame for the situation. and believe me, I'm about as leftie as it gets so I'm not here to defend the gov! just wondering...

DP had signed a three year contract when we started trying. So we thought there would be stability.

I was at college full time. Before I met DP I was a single mum on benefits. I worked before I had DD. But as my only experience is in retail it was impossible to find a job. Retail is not child friendly (late nights and weekends are a requirement and I couldnt get childcare for these times) so I spent the whole time jobhunting and then gave up and decided to retrain.

When DP lost the first job our car also broke down, meaning I had to leave my course. Plenty of people had continued whist pregnant and thats what I intended to do.

It really has been one thing after another this year.

Sorry to hear that, OP. I do see that there can be a kind of domino effect where things spiral and it's hard to know what the right decisions are. I'd still have been wary of having a baby till my new career was established - even though I know some (maybe not plenty of) people do have kids at college, it's still evidently not an easy route, but I guess I'm just very risk averse as a result of upbringing (dad went thru several redundancies). I hope you can keep up the retraining somehow (public transport? distance learning?) when you've dealt with the more immediate problems! Take care.

We were on a bit of a time limit. As DP isnt DDs dad we thought it would be better to have as small an age gap as possible. I didnt want to have an older child who felt left out of "my new family".

This way shes still my baby too and can grow up with this baby. Maybe not ideal but (this incident aside) I would rather have my kids now and struggle for a few years than wait until we are "comfortable" because god knows when that will be.

I know a lot wouldnt agree with that point of view. But we really had thought there would be stability. We never thought it would be this bad.

OP, I have two boxes of Pregnacare (unopened and got a bit carried away with 3 for 2) that you're more than welcome to. PM me your address if you'd like them. Hope things get better soon

Oh god, I should probably just bite my tongue and log off now... but honestly? It does sound like you did think this through and you decided to struggle. So being skint and feeling like a scrounger was kind of inevitable. So in that respect YABU. I do understand your reasoning behind the time limit thing, but prioritising that is sadly a luxury that you couldn't afford. Of course it's not fair that some people have the safety net of unearned wealth which means they can make such decisions without fear of ending up unable to put bread on the table. But that is no help in the reality of your situation. I guess you went with your heart not your head and this is what can happen. At least your DD's relationship with the new DC will be priceless and that will hopefully make all this current pain worthwhile.

Okay, I know this isn't really helpful, but had to say it. Will shut up now!

OP, I'm so sorry that you're in this dreadful situation. I've been worrying about money for years and it's so draining. I really hope your DP gets his wages today and that your move goes smoothly so that you can concentrate on preparing for the new baby.

Well no. We didnt choose to struggle. DP had a three year contract at 21k. That wouldnt have ben struggling.

When I said struggle I meant the college with a baby thing. I would never have chosen to put DD into poverty to have another baby.

Hi OP, I am sorry you are in this situation. I don't think many realise that a lot of people (myself included) are just a few steps away from this ourselves. I have stopped work to have a baby so we rely on DP's job (which fortunately pays well and on time) but if the company went bust tomorrow - we'd be fucked!

So please don't feel bad. I have loads of gender non specific baby things i'd be happy to send you. Also if you want anything printed i can print and post them to you.

On a slightly side note. My job was finding people (who had been out of work for 2 years) work and one of the main things employers really didn't like was visible tattoos. All were fine with arms etc, but where we are there seems to be a trend to have scrolly writing across your neck. And those who had them sadly may as well have had unemployable across their faces. So i think tattoos are relevant sometimes when talking about finding work.

pink - i can see your POV, but I think that wannabe did think there was at least 3 years' stability - based on the 3-year contract.

she didn't expect that it would all fall down around her ears within a few months! noone does.

(and i read the "struggle" to mean juggling baby and college and DD - i'm in the same situation re: work and baby too - it's nothing to do with finance)

I really fail to see the benefit in discussing something that's already happened. The decision to get pregnant really is irrelevant now, was made in different circs. We can't change that.

DP has never really had a problem with the tattoos when finding work. One of them is quite visible, but I guess in his line of work its not really an issue. He usually comes home stinking any way so I doubt a tattoo would make a difference.

My dad was once turned down at an interview for "looking too tidy" and hes in a similar line of work. The things employers look for really are strange sometimes.

If he was in customer facing roles for example then it probably would be a problem.

Theres a chance we can move sooner. Maybe tonight or tomorrow. Im hoping so. Being in this house is so stressful with the landlords attitude. Everythings packed. We just cant wait to leave.

I have hand tattoos, the rest are coverable. Funnily enough the hand ones haven't been a problem in interviews just with people judging outside of looking for work.

Yeah Schrodingers, its odd but we have found that too.

DP also has his licence for being a doorman and in that line of work around here his tattoos are a good thing. One is on his neck and makes him look "hard" apparently :o

There are so many people applying for so few jobs nowadays that there could be a million reasons to not be successful.

Very true unfortunately. :(

Funnily enough, my best mate has been accepted into a brilliant medical school here, she went to see them before she put in the application to see if her hand tattoos would be a problem, weirdly they had no problem with it at all. :) She gets all sorts of stick from other people sometimes though.

My DP has a door license as well and loads of tattoos. :o Definitely a plus in that job!

I have PM'ed you OP... have plenty I can send. Bug hug x