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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find proper real grown up life excruciatingly tedious?

138 replies

icecold · 27/08/2012 21:50

i was really really good at being a teenager and a 20-somefink......now Ive had kids, have been in the same job career for 6 years, have been maried got divorced, have a mortgage......

Its rubbish

My life was quite transient before marriage/kids..it has been an internal battle to 'settle down'

Its crap

I dont want to talk to people about the ins and outs of child rearing/ mortgages/ pensions/ holiday destinations/ feta cheese.

In 2 years i will be in a position to be able to travel and work. would i be a terrible mother to disrupt my dcs childhoods because im bored and restless?

How the fuck do you all get through every day?

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Mumsyblouse · 27/08/2012 23:06

I didn't settle down til my early-thirties and certainly made the most of 18-32ish whilst all my friends were with boring boyfriends who were rather dull. My husband had a similarly enjoyable single life til his early thirties, so we are pretty equal on that score.

I think it's easier to settle down when you've had decades of that stuff, having casual sex, staying up til the dawn, dancing for hours, it's exciting but not that exciting you'd want to do it for another 15/20 years.

Minor excitement can still be had by a) putting a DVD on, giving the children sweets and having fun on a Saturday afternoong b) getting a babysitter and going on a date with your husband and snogging in the cinema c) dumping the lot of them and having a girly weekend every now and again.

And the baby/toddler/school years are whizzing by, soon you will get more freedom to travel/do interesting things/meet new people/take up a fascinating job. It's not over yet by a long shot.

Original poster
icecold · 27/08/2012 23:09

yes...i have found 2 other non-grown up amongst the school parents

i have been on a few nights out with a group of school mums. Got really really drunk and threw the mask to the ground. It was a relief

I still wear it, mind

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monsterchild · 27/08/2012 23:10

Dog poo bed for me. I can't even contemplate the other option! I can't even squash aphids! I rescued a lizard from the dog water the other day.

Also, Dh and I spent our honeymoon in Mongolia. no real technical gear needed if you know what you are doing. Unless you count clothing, felt and fur as technical. There were also no trees on the steppes. But there is a lot of snow...

NellyJob · 27/08/2012 23:12

staying in one place with a pissed off parent isn't necessarily the best thing for a child, despite what people say about 'stability'.
might be tricky once they are in secondary school though.

Alameda · 27/08/2012 23:13

OP I am still thinking about setting up a shared housing thing in Sicily - maybe you'd like to bankroll the project?

monsterchild · 27/08/2012 23:15

I do love being a grown up though, I absolutely love love love that I can buy any cereal I want at the store. Chocolate covered sugar bombs? throw em in there!

that still makes me inordinately happy.

FussArse · 27/08/2012 23:16

Well I was a rubbish teenager and 20 something

And I still think being a grown up is tedious

YADNBU

PeppermintLatte · 27/08/2012 23:18

Yanbu

I find myself counting down the days until bedtime lately. I'm in too much of a routine at the minute

I love my daughter more than life, and i am a responsible, loving parent, but sometimes i think "do i want more kids? It's so monotonous sometimes" other times i get so broody and know i want 1 more

I got depressed after watching the new american pie film because i want to travel america & it doesn't seem possible at the minute, but i will at some point, i just will.

I took myself off to a festival a few weeks ago with some friends & went wild Grin this will now become an annual thing.

One life, live it. You can still have so much fun & do crazy things with your kids, i'm definitely taking myself off travelling at some point with my daughter.

Notcontent · 27/08/2012 23:19

Oh, I really feel your pain. Feel exactly the same!

My life in my 20s and early 30s was fun and full of promise. There were some ups and downs, but somehow everything always turned out ok. Weekends were for going out to brunch with the weekend papers, and dinners with friends.

Last few years, smallmchild followed by divorce. My life is paid work, housework, large mortage. Feeling grumpy and tired. Feeling old even though I am not.

Original poster
icecold · 27/08/2012 23:23

alameda if i come to sicily, you are not allowed to use industry speak like 'bank-roll'. I have a list of phrases in the back of my diary at work; which make me twitch (a bit like the thought of never going outdoors);

just giving you the heads up
hanging out the back end
bottom it out
table it

horse you havent told us, if you are staying out, or going in?

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Original poster
icecold · 27/08/2012 23:24

Smile fussarse

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FussArse · 27/08/2012 23:28

icecold only hit my stride in my forties and am revving up to be a shit hot oldie Grin

openerofjars · 27/08/2012 23:29

How do you find the other non-grownup parents? Is it like spotting mumsnetters and saying "naice ham" under your breath? Or do you just wait for someone to say "Oh, fuck a duck" when they drop something and then grin conspiratorially. We need passwords.

I might get a badge.

Alameda · 27/08/2012 23:32

sorry, is a phrase I hate too because only hear it in context of 'do you seriously expect me to bankroll your coke habit/interest in other men/slovenly ways' from the ex who isn't quite and doesn't anyway

I am joking about the coke but I wish I wasn't

otherwise am not sure, being a grown up (if you are a proper bill paying one) is a gift, I struggle, have little or no impulse control and seek thrills and just do what I want with my time which is probably selfish and wrong but life is so short. I'm convinced it's just all going to stop quite suddenly any day now so I must do the things I want before it is too late.

hmc · 27/08/2012 23:36

Opener - your posts have made me smile

rubberglove · 27/08/2012 23:39

I think we're gaslighted from an early age to think there is always something better, by consumerist culture, by the patriarchy, hell by anyone in power who wants to keep it.

Don't read Revolutionary Road OP.

JugglingWithFiveRings · 27/08/2012 23:39

Can I just say I was much better at being a kid !
Being a grown-up is hard work Smile
Perhaps as DC's get older it becomes increasingly possible to recapture some sense of adventure.
Young children almost need a boring life don't they ?
(Can't believe I said that, but YKWIM - not that exciting for the accompanying grown-ups)

Original poster
icecold · 27/08/2012 23:40

opener

it took me 3 years to identify the 2 i found. i did it carefully, by stealth.

but now, having been drunk and embarrassing...and it not being as bad as i imagined...i would recommend that approach; you will get results faster. just organise a few nights out with the parents in reception, get drunk and see what happens

i spent a long time , pretending that i cared what the other parents thought of me--thats really warped isnt it. Normally you tie yourself in knots because you do care what people think/you are trying to make the right impression. I was trying to give the impression, that i cared Confused

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Original poster
icecold · 27/08/2012 23:44

rubber i agree....but i think we are applying that belief in different directions?

i think its a bit brain washed, to be striving for all this normality and 'best for the kids' and pensions/holidays/ good schools etc etc etfuckingc.....but do you mean the dissatisfaction is borne of the consumerism?

im not after material satisfaction

i have seen a film Revolutionary Road....with Kate Winslet...is that the same? look now, i have to go and buy it on my grown-up Kindle!

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Original poster
icecold · 27/08/2012 23:46

almeda I'll come to Sicily and snort coke if you like Grin

will your Ex finance that?

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Original poster
icecold · 27/08/2012 23:47

is Sicily a good place to be developing a drug habit? will we have to have dealings with the Mob?

why Sicily anyway?

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Alameda · 27/08/2012 23:54

he will help to finance Sicily, not sure about the coke

has been AGES since last had some, am pleased with self about that

one thing have not thought of is where are the/how many drop zones in Sicily
think it might help you to do some riskier sports?

Original poster
icecold · 27/08/2012 23:58

i used to dive, dive-dive not sky dive. But not since kids Sad

have done a couple of sky dives a looooong time ago. Not sure it appeals, but id give it a go

used to climb also...would like to do that again. And kayak a bit...would like to do that again

i dont think it needs to be dangerous for me. But challenging and/or an adventure

have started running again recently. that helps

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rubberglove · 27/08/2012 23:59

icecold, it is not an uplifting read but covers these themes brilliantly!

No sorry, didn't mean to suggest you just want material things. I think it is quite common to feel like this, I just wonder why we do?

Was thinking out loud!

Original poster
icecold · 28/08/2012 00:02

rubber i think we feel like this, because it is not normal or right to live as we do.....?

its completely fucking mental in fact. If you really think about it

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