To think this mum from school is odd and a bit of an ignoramus?

[MsBrown]

I was at a birthday party yesterday for one of my daughter's friends from school. i didn't know any of the other mums so was pleased when one approached me and asked me to come and sit down for some tea with her.

Somehow we got onto the subject of my daughter having ASD. And i was really upset by the conversation.

It started with me saying something like, "i think i'll stay close and keep my eye on her incase she plays up. She's not too good with parties usually."

Woman said, "Oh is that because of the thing she has? What's it called again?"

I said, "Autism."

"What is autism? Will she ever grow out it?"

"Nope, as far as i know she'll have it for life." I explained about there being different spectrums, and dd is on higher functioning end.

Woman says, "Oh did something happen in your pregnancy then for her to have it? Did you drink a lot or smoke?"

I explained that no one knows what causes it, and i had a healthy pregnancy. She then made a face as if i was talking complete bollocks!

Then, for some reason, she started talking about Easties which then led on to special needs schools. She said that she doesn't think it right that SEN children are put into mainstream schools. It's extra work for the teacher plus the SEN kids will get bullied.

I said it's wrong to lump all SEN people together. You have to see them as individuals. If they can cope with mainstream, then let them go there. I reminded her that my daughter is classed as having SEN yet she's doing great in mainstream. She then argued that she knows what she's talking about as her sister works in a special needs school and comes home with bruises everyday from the pupils attacking her.

The woman saw me with my phone out, and said, 'Let's have your number and we'll get a girls night in organised this weekend. Get a babysitter and i'll pop round with a bottle of wine."

I've literally only just met her! I don't like wine and didn't particularly like her. I said i'm busy this weekend, but gave her my number (don't know how i could politely refuse tbh). She then said, "What about next weekend?" I said I'm busy. She wasn't taking the hint. "What about the next weekend?" I said, "Maybe." But she seemed to take that as a yes.

She then started telling me about her situation with her ex and wanted to know mine. She stayed glued to me for the whole party. Whenever i went to to talk to another mum, she made a face.

Since i got home last night, the woman text me five times in the space of an hour about random rubbish e.g. watching tv, bathing dd etc. She didn't even wait on me replying, she just kept texting.

i've avoided her in the playground today and rushed right back home so i don't have to speak to her.

Am i being unreasonable in thinking this woman is odd and ignorant?
Or is she just being friendly and i'm the odd one?

This bit got left off my post: yet more ignorance about ASDs isn't hugely surprising.

ASDs are far more complex than understanding that cerebral palsy isn't genetic!

I would forget the autism convo. I say that as the mother of a ds with asd.

The huge red flags are her overfamiliarity, clawing her way into your life and stalker like tendencies. Try to gently reduce any contact and if that doesn't work, be ruder/blunter. I know someone like this person and she really upsets people.

I am aware you have autism kladda and as such you should know that the condition cannot be summed up in a sentence. People with this differ hugely as do people without.

I was ready to feel a bit sorry for her when I read the title. But honestly you should avoid her like the plague. Seems like she just doesn't know conventions of conversation with somebody you don't know very well. On the other hand maybe she does have problems with social interacting. And is not just being unpleasant for the sake of it.

That sounded a bit mean. Sorry. I kind of changed my mind about her halfway through the post. Not sure what to do really. But don't get too involved.

I have to admit, I have thought things very similar to the controversial post Kladdaka made, and not seen the intellectual problem until it was pointed out to me afterwards.

Let's forget all. About. It.

She might be very shy herself and to overcome it she's coming across as over bearing.

Perhaps she thought she was being nice and it would be easier for you than trying to get a baby sitter.

WRT house rules - sounds like you are a bit set in your ways - try broadening your horizons just a tad and see how it feels :)

Oh and your house rules are normal behaviour.

Oops posted too soon - it might be nice to have someone else round for a change. Or offer to go to her house.

I don't think Kladdakas post was even controversial tbh. Penisvanlesbian jumped on it a bit agressively though IMO.

She must be very lonely and desperate for friendship to be clinging on to a stranger like that, she obviously doesn't understand how to behave toward others, I don't think someone like that can be judged too harshly, she's not being intentionally offensive. As sad as her friendless status is, if you get too friendly with her she will hound you and you don't enjoy her company, best to keep her at a distance. Smile and have a quick, polite conversation with her when you bump into her so you don't hurt her feelings but be too 'busy' for friendship.

Oh good grief! She has text me 4 times today and i've not replied. i dont know how to get her to stop it.

I was going to speak to her at hometime today but didn't see her.

I've changed my mind. i don't want to be friends with her. i want her to back off and leave me alone. She's texting rubbish like what she is having for dinner.

She's not taking the hint. me not texting back doesn't prevent her sending more.

i wish i didn't give her my number.

Yeah i replied twice last night but she was texting until midnightish so i was too tired to bother with her.

i don't know how to let her down gently. i think i'll just say i don't have my phone on me much and i'll gradually phase her out...

I wish i had the courage to refuse giving her my number in the first place.

If you're ever in that position again, just make sure it's the wrong number - just by a digit.

Oh - I take it back - she sounds like a nutter

Just don't reply to any of her texts - she'll get the message eventually!

The double whammy -- extreme neediness and foot in mouth disease.

Block her number and do not engage. She will not take polite non-committal smiles as a hint to back off. You are going to have to spell it out to her somehow that you are not interested in friendship.

Oh and be very very busy over the next few months!

I'm going to stick my neck out and say that I think you need to be a little more understanding of her. It doesn't sound like she said anything terrible and tbh it does sound as though she has poor social skills and possibly even an ASD herself.

Aaaargh she sounds like a nutter! I'd run for the hills!

I don't want to start trouble but I took klad's post to mean that people with asd assume others automatically know what they are talking about/thinking about.
Not that all people with asd are the same generally.

I can't see the issue with that statement. It's pretty spot on.
It's one of the things that cause most problems/hilarity in my house.

Not everyone with poor social skills and offensive views has asd either. V.annoying.

OP ignore her texts. If she pulls you up just say 'I dont really have my phone on all the time, I just use it for emergencies etc'

I am sure she will be aghast at this but it might stop her bothering.

She may not have an ASD thats true, but there is a chance she could have one.

I just think the op was being a little judgey with the words she used in the thread title. Can you imagine if someone posted on here that they tried to make friends but were a little clumsy socially and that a woman kept ignoring them? I'm not suggesting op should be best buddies with her but a little understanding wouldn't go amiss. Presumably op expects understanding from others regarding any quirky behaviour from her dd?

But some people are just bloody annoying.
And if the op is finding her difficult to deal with, the chances are someone with no experience of asd would find her even more o.

I knowwith someone whose ridigity and lack of social skills causes me no end of problems. I suspect they may well be on the spectrum. They may not be.
They still make my life a misery. I still wish I didn't have to deal with them on a regular basis.

If I didn't have to, I wouldn't.

I do see your point mrsdevere, and as I said I don't think op should be best friends with her, but I think she should be a little more understanding and not bandy about words like ignoramus about the woman

I think you should let her down gently, but definitely disengage, no good can come of this friendship

It's not even really just because of how she is, it's because your just very different people. I know people so behave in a similar way and once they find a friend who is the same then there are no problems, they text all day every day and walk in and out of each others houses and bedrooms uninvited and everyone is happy. But if you are not like that (and I'm not) then there is no point trying to be friends but being constancy pissed off at thier behaviour, just accept the differences and find people who are more like minded