To think this mum from school is odd and a bit of an ignoramus?

[MsBrown]

I was at a birthday party yesterday for one of my daughter's friends from school. i didn't know any of the other mums so was pleased when one approached me and asked me to come and sit down for some tea with her.

Somehow we got onto the subject of my daughter having ASD. And i was really upset by the conversation.

It started with me saying something like, "i think i'll stay close and keep my eye on her incase she plays up. She's not too good with parties usually."

Woman said, "Oh is that because of the thing she has? What's it called again?"

I said, "Autism."

"What is autism? Will she ever grow out it?"

"Nope, as far as i know she'll have it for life." I explained about there being different spectrums, and dd is on higher functioning end.

Woman says, "Oh did something happen in your pregnancy then for her to have it? Did you drink a lot or smoke?"

I explained that no one knows what causes it, and i had a healthy pregnancy. She then made a face as if i was talking complete bollocks!

Then, for some reason, she started talking about Easties which then led on to special needs schools. She said that she doesn't think it right that SEN children are put into mainstream schools. It's extra work for the teacher plus the SEN kids will get bullied.

I said it's wrong to lump all SEN people together. You have to see them as individuals. If they can cope with mainstream, then let them go there. I reminded her that my daughter is classed as having SEN yet she's doing great in mainstream. She then argued that she knows what she's talking about as her sister works in a special needs school and comes home with bruises everyday from the pupils attacking her.

The woman saw me with my phone out, and said, 'Let's have your number and we'll get a girls night in organised this weekend. Get a babysitter and i'll pop round with a bottle of wine."

I've literally only just met her! I don't like wine and didn't particularly like her. I said i'm busy this weekend, but gave her my number (don't know how i could politely refuse tbh). She then said, "What about next weekend?" I said I'm busy. She wasn't taking the hint. "What about the next weekend?" I said, "Maybe." But she seemed to take that as a yes.

She then started telling me about her situation with her ex and wanted to know mine. She stayed glued to me for the whole party. Whenever i went to to talk to another mum, she made a face.

Since i got home last night, the woman text me five times in the space of an hour about random rubbish e.g. watching tv, bathing dd etc. She didn't even wait on me replying, she just kept texting.

i've avoided her in the playground today and rushed right back home so i don't have to speak to her.

Am i being unreasonable in thinking this woman is odd and ignorant?
Or is she just being friendly and i'm the odd one?

actually I do. And you know exactly what I meant.

No, clearly you don't because you are beratting me and telling me I should know/understand things which are a core deficit of autism. If I did know these things and understand them, then I wouldn't be autistic.

then why comment saying "even I know thats wrong and not normal?"

If you tell me you understand that why then say you don't when called on it? I take you at your word. I'm not berating you, I'm treating you like anyone else here and trusting what you say.

I don't think your "house rules" make you sound "odd" at all. Just showing courtesy yo your neighbours.

It sounds like this woman wants to be best mates but doesn't have the social skills to realise you have to build a relationship slowly.

I have a rule. Don't invite anyone to your house you don't feel entirely comfortable with. Especially if there's going to be alcohol!

Because if I know it, then everyone else knows it too. Autism 101.

Er, no. Not true. Everyone knows different things, even amongst people with autism. And those without.

Penis and Klad maybe you need to step away from each other for a while, this and the other thread (scooter) seems to be getting a tad heated between you.

Um, actually it's very common for people with autism to assume that if they know something then everyone does - theory of mind and all that.

I took Kladdkaka to mean, I have autism therefore I have issues with social rules and even with those I think it's not something you do, so it must be something that's really obviously off.

I'm not sure what's wrong with saying that?

I must disagree with you Kladdkaka, just because one person with Autism can make sense of a social situation or understand that something isn't socially accepted doesn't mean everyone with or without Autism can. Everybody's different in various ways.

I'm not saying the woman the OP is concerned about has Autism, it's very possible to have boundary issues or to be social awkward without being on the spectrum.

I've seen you around enough to know you're rather astute. Perhaps this woman isn't.

Not that it's really any of my business...just not sure why it was such a big problem.

PVL, Theory of Mind has been identified as a core deficit of autism for 30 years now. At the core of autism is an inability to grasp that other people do not know what you know. Telling me off for thinking people have the same understandings as me in a given situation and telling me that I should know that other people's normal is different is the same as telling someone with no legs that they should get out of their chair and walk.

My DD is Aspie.

She sounds like a clueless idiot.

I wouldn't be conversing with her again as I couldn't be arsed with it.

Because it isn't necessarily the case. I can think of any number of things that I think are obviously deeply offensive that others would think are not. And my autistic brother has a whole different list to me again. He would as said think that other people would think the same as him, but that doesn't mean he is correct. Same as I'm not.

Anyway, I'm finished here, I stick to my original point, its mean and childish to be going on about someone who is "odd". That could be my brother, or OP's child in a few years. How would op feel if someone was dissecting her childs personality online?

Kladdaka, thats not at all what I said, not remotely. I know all about theory of mind, and mirror neurons, and all the rest of it.
I did not tell you off for thinking people have the same understandings as you. Don't misrepresent me.

Thank you tabulahrasa, glad someone understands. I really feel like I am being attacked because of my autistic failings in this thread :(

Ms brown, what do you mean you should be more understanding with someone with poor social skills?

If I have this right, you sat patiently continuing to have a conversation with her even though she offended you and was rude, then you were incredibly polite when she was far too over familiar. And then you gave her your number.

And you think you should be more understanding??!!

I think you should have more confidence in yourself actually.

All this talk about autism, and there isn't anything to say she is, I think she is just one of those very immature women that haven't really changed much since the school playground.

I still stand by what I said originally, leave well alone, stop feeling obliged.

She sounds strange and to be avoided, suggesting you meet up for some wine at your house and not hers? Huge massive alarm bells and the texting too, reading about it is making my teeth itch, avoid, avoid, avoid!

Sorry I have more to add.....!

If it was the right thing for you give this person another chance you wouldn't have made a thread about it.

It would have been so simple, met another mum, thought she was a bit odd, didn't agree with the way she spoke about autism but hey ho I'm pleased she's texting me all the time as I could do with another friend.

You don't feel like that though do you?

OP, I agree that you shouldn't feel obliged to this woman who doesn't sound like she'll be compatible with you. BUT I get that it's awkward when it's someone who you'll see regularly. I would find it very difficult to refuse to give someone my number too.
I would try to avoid her causing a scene or being grievously offended by using delaying tactics and fobbing her off with excuses. Hopefully she'll eventually decide you're not worth the effort!

Interesting fact: the NHS has to specify on its printed leaflets about pre-natal testing that cerebral palsy cannot be detected. It went something like this: "pre-natal testing can detect a variety of conditions. Cerebral palsy cannot be detected". I would have thought the vast, vast, vast majority of people would already know that. Obviously a significant enough group of people don't.

In a world where the NHS has to specify that, and in which I was told (in a very authoritative tone of voice by someone I know) that the reason my babies were premature was because I lived up some stairs. (I happen to know why they were, and it wasn't the fecking stairs!)

You should have read my post then Cinnamon, I said I was autistic before I made the statement whihc you say is wildly rash, but which I still believe is true. And now I'm a bully for defending myself from being attacked because of my disability. :(

No one is attacking you Kladda. They are discussing your posts and challenging you on things they disagree with.