to think adults who write Christmas present lists are a bit odd?

[NellyBluth]

This came up because a friend has just asked me to tell her what I would like for Christmas, so she can plan what she is buying (I made a face...)

Now this friend is very generous and she gives Christmas and birthday presents to loads of people herself. But every year she makes a list of things she would like and then distributes it to the friends and family who normally buy her presents - books, DVDs, particular items of clothing or handbags. She is in her earlies 30s. In the past she I have known her to be annoyed when a present isn't one off the list. Now I know its not weird to ask for presents from a particular person, but I thought most people just asked for something specific from their DH or their parents, not sent a list for the ILs to chose from.

To me personally this smacks of being quite materialistic and not appreciating any gift given as just that - a gift. Yes, sometimes you get presents that are a bit strange or that you won't use, but the thought was still there from the gift giver. I actually don't think you should just expect a present from anyone, really, at Christmas, and handing out a list says that you do expect a gift. Twice every year my friend and I have this conversation, her surprised that I haven't thought months in advance what I'd like for Christmas or a birthday, me surprised that anyone would know what they want that far in advance.

But this year I have discovered AIBU, so I can get an answer to something that has been bugging me for years... is she BU to write a present list, or AIBU to think this is materialistic?

I do find it very odd all of this talk of christmas in August .

I will think of Christmas briefly in September when I will start my baking. But apart from that I don't think about it until December. I have an afternoon out doing present buying for the children the weekend before Christmas.

Exactly captainhastings - there are masses of threads about it! I make a cake and mincemeat in October and start thinking about it in November. I haven't a clue who we are seeing or where we will be and don't want to know until winter.

My brother does this. It really winds me up.

And yes, he IS odd.
Therefore, YANBU.

We have cut out giving to adults- other than the elderly.

A relative and wife did that one year without ever being asked for any suggestions. It even had serial numbers so you could get exactly what they wanted.

All the stuff was about 2-3 times as expensive as we'd usually pay and about 4-5 times what they usually pay for us/others they sent the list to, if they bother at all. I think they got the hint when everyone ignored the list. We got them fluffy dice

Materialistic and entitled does describe them.

YANBU, it is weird and a bit childish.

But given that you know each other so long and she is otherwise lovely and generous, in your shoes I'd overlook it. Very few people are so perfect we don't have to put up some oddness when we befriend them and this is mild enough!

I do overlook it, TonyDanza, I promise I do. I even buy her gifts off her list!

I still think its a bit of a bit weird tries not to quote BadBitch word for word

Do mental lists count??!!!!
After years of badgering I always have some ideas in my head to answer mil's "what would you like?" question that comes each year. In fact this year I have purposefully not bought a kindle cover so I can say that and stop her nagging me from October onwards.

Personally I like to get my parents a mix of some surprises and some stuff they actually want so I don't mind suggestions - mum has even given me boot's catalogue page references and she is not at all materialistic. She just knows Christmas can be a bit of a pain and wants to make it all easier - knowing that I would want to get her a gift however much she said don't worry about it.

I think there is a big difference between a list of ideas and basically a shopping list with catalogue pages and reference numbers on it. A list of ideas is really great but I am a bit about the kind of list that doesn't allow any leeway - that strikes me as very materialistic.

The only time that would be acceptable is if it were a very specific specialist item that I knew nothing about, like for example, if DH wanted some bit for his car which sometime happens (very old, classic car, parts not easy to get) or maybe where there is a risk of duplicating something somebody already has.

Also lists where everything is expensive aren't good. I like to see a mix of values so I can chose how much to spend.