To ask if you believe your OH values your role within your home/ lives?

[Barbielovesken]

Probably not really an AIBU but do you believe your oh values your role within your lives? Regardless of that role - whatever it may be do you feel valued/ under valued/ appreciated etc?

Prompted by an arguement between dh and I this morn, it got me thinking. Do couples, generally appreciate each other? Or do we all tend to, because of tiredness/ stress etc express that we don't (even if we do), or do people not have a clue what other people do if not present at all times or is my dh just a massive prick?

He referred to me (repeatedly) this morning as lazy and apparently I do nothing. I work 38 hours a week, commute 7, have 3 dc (6,2 and 1), am back to work since dd3 was 5 months, am here 5-6 nights out of 7 on my own once I get in (due to dh's job) so do tea, bed, bath etc with dc and housework/ washing/ getting all ready for next day on my own. Up til last year, I was attending uni at night (on top of work( and studying constantly when dc were asleep) and was pregnant.

I'm really surprised to be referred to as lazy - i may be a lot of things- but lazy?

Twat!!!

I was lazy too, I did all childcare, all housework, all appointments and being a carer for our SN child, an OU degree and I run 70 km a week. Yet I am a lazy, workshy c*nt! Apparently.

I think there are SOME people who do not appreciate what the other person in the partnership does but I think this goes hand in hand with being horrible in other ways to. Decent people appreciate their partner and what they do it seems to me.

Has he said these kind of things before?

Your OH is unreasonable. You sound anything but lazy.

And in answer to your question, yes my OH appreciates what I do round here. And I appreciate what he does. I hope your OH sees the light soon.

He does sound like a twat!

DH does appreciate me and I appreciate him too. Since having DCs he works full time and I work part time but I do more at home. I think we both see it as teamwork.

Sorry if that sounds smug, I do know I am lucky.

He's a massive prick.

My husband appreciates what I do and tells me so. And I appreciate what he does and tell him so. It's called having a mature, equal relationship.

If you're not in one of those, you should probably figure out why.

I think most partners don't appreciate all the other one does.

I think your other half is taking the piss, to be blunt.

Than you akka and sorry to hear you've been told the same

Yes, he has definitely said all this before but this mornings argument was particularly cruel.

I suppose I'm doing what I really shouldn't, given you don't know what goes on in other people's lives and am thinking I really drew the short straw in respect to this - his brothers wife's/ girlfriends do far less than I do and I'm constantly hearing them song praises about how wonderful they are

Oh sorry, crossed with loads of replies. Oh dear. Just us then. Fwiw, I appreciate what he does, and tell him so. He works hard too but if you add up our working hours, they are roughly the same except I end up doing more housework than him (due to the fact he's not here to)

Don't get me wrong, I don't expect a banner or balloons for doing what I have to and I like being busy but I hate being constantly told how lazy I am when (if you were here to witness it) it's the most ridiculous thing ever to call me..,

Wow, your 'D'H is wrong - you're not lazy, not by a long shot!

My DH appreciates me and I appreciate him. I have fibromyalgia and find a lot of things a struggle so it falls to DH to do some of the more physical things, especially in the morning but it doesn't change the fact that we are both contributing in our own ways.

Of course we drive each other up the bloody wall sometimes, and we lose sight of the fact that we're each doing our bit, but once things calm down we talk it through, apologise if cross words have been spoken and try to keep in mind what we appreciate in the other person which can be overlooked when we're tired/stressed.

I hope your H realises how hurtful he's been and apologises - good luck.

Oh dear. What astonishing feats does your DH complete that make you lazy in comparison?

I know DH thinks I don't appreciate it when he does housework. That is because he is labouring under the misapprehension that he is doing it for me. I don't expect him to fall over in gratitude when I put clean socks in his drawer, so why he thinks I should acknowledge every completed task he does is a mystery to me. The work needs doing for the family. It's not my work, or for my benefit

DH definitely appreciates what I do. And truth be told, I don't do anywhere near as much as you (am sahm but with one DS)! DH would never call me lazy (even though I often am). He appreciates the little things I do and tells me so. Your DH needs reminding of how he'd have to cope without you, imo.

I appreciate the work he does to support us and the things he does around the house. We're in the habit of always thanking each other. It sometimes gets a bit tedious actually, but that's what oils the wheels of any good relationship.

Sometimes I do get stressed and I probably don't appreciate him as much as I should. Then I feel like I have to make it up to him, which he seems pleased with .

You damn well do deserve a banner, balloons too. And a dh who respects you, hope you get one.

I do FAR less than you and DH appreciates me. I got a lie in and a lovely day at the beach yesterday because DH said that I had been so great with DD during the week.

I think you are doing wonderfully.

DH and I appreciate each other's contributions to family life, and we often tell each other so.

Anyone who calls their other half lazy when they so obviously are is just a respectful, entitled, abusive cunt. No more delicate way to put it, really.

aren't, not are. Sheesh, I am not doing well with the typos tonight!!

I have a 2.5 y o and a 4 month old. I let DH sleep downstairs so he doesn't get disturbed in the night.

This afternoon he announced he was going for a nap. And did.

I am hating him so much at the moment. He shouts at me for always being in a foul mood. Why does he think that might be?

He's self employed and has announced that he's going out to work in peace tomorrow. I haven't had a holiday this year - it's not that he can't afford it but he's got too much work apparently.

He thinks I should be grateful for the rare morning off/day out we have (it's never two full days a week like those who have mon-fri jobs).

He's in the kitchen at his laptop now.

We're going to end up divorced. We've had one meal out as a couple since the baby arrived in April (our 10th anniversary lunch).

I am exhausted and frazzled and if I want anything doing around the house I have to either do it myself or shout/nag/plead for a few months.

My life feels pretty shit at the moment. I love and adore my beautiful children but I'd prefer him to either be 'present' or just fuck off.

Yes, he does. He constantly thanks me for things I do and sings my praises to anyone who will listen, including the dc (who roll their eyes and continue to take me for granted).

He regularly tells me how lucky he considers himself to have me as a partner and how much he appreciates x y or z that I do.

I appreciate him too apart from for a few days each month.

My DP is generally lovely! He realises I work 33 hours to his 38 and go to college too.

I work nights though and towards the end of the summer holidays, with me just dosing after my nigthshfits and him not doing his usual getting the DC breakfasted and dressed before he goes to work, he feels hard done by when I hand them to him as soon as he gets in from work.

However, I went to bed at 9 last night, not feeling well and he did all the downstairs cleaning and tidying before I got up at gone 11. He must appreciate me really, and I have made sure I told him I appreciate him!

dozing*

I feel valued and I feel we have made equal "investments" in our relationship and family unit and home. After 21 years of marriage, however, I don't think he really understands the multi-tasking juggling of a huge amount of low level dross and I don't think he would be able to deal with it. On the odd occasion he had tried (in an emergency) we have ended up with no milk for breakfast, a broken internet connection because he has moved the fridge to get something he dropped and rammed it back too far against the phone point, etc., etc, etc.. Yet it all ticks over perfectly efficiently.

He is a twat, and it is not normal.

We have 8yo twins, one of whom has SN. I gave up work when they were born and now just do a bit of pt work from home. DH works 5 days x 8 hours a week, has lie-ins saturday and sunday and also one full day to himself each weekend for sport, away from me and the kids. I do everything in the house and to do with the kids and admin etc including getting up 8 - 10 times per night for dd. DH snores terribly so often I have to sleep downstairs on the sofa and run up for dd when I hear her via the baby monitor.

Barely a day goes by when dh doesn't tell me how lucky I am that I don't have to work, and he is open about saying it in front of friends and family too. When they were babies and at pre-school I wanted to kill him tbh as the stress was incredible. Now they are at primary school in theory I have days to myself although inbetween pt work, dd appontments and household odds and sods there isn't that much time for myself, and often i just go to bed and try and catch up on the zzzzzs. For this he just teases me for being lazy etc.

I used to think he was an unreasonable selfish twat who did not appreciate me, but truthfully as time goes by i have lost perspective and don't know anymore. he works hard at work and has a lot of stress, and I don't have to go out to work and worry about money etc so he is taking care of me in that sense, so maybe I am fortunate.

But to answer your q my dh certainly does not appreciate what I do and does not think my role in the home is worth as much as his.

Yes I do get appreciated by DH. I'm currently on maternity leave but usually work 3 or 4 days a week between school hours. DH works roughly 7am-5pm with a drive to and from work too. Naturally most of the child related chores fall to me along with most of the housework but he really does pull his weight when he can and regularly says that he knows I do much more than him around the house. I sometimes do nothing all day knowing he won't judge me or get the hump, because he knows that he has the easier day driving lorries!

Dh tells me Im the best wife and mummy in the world all the time.

Tbh I think most men would think I was a crappy wife in the traditional sense I cant cook much and have days where the flat is pristine clean and days when it looks like we have been burgled.He says it doesnt matter cause I love him and dcs so much.I love him even though hes deludee.

I think he tries to. When we are both tired (often -we work shifts) it gets unappreciative on both sides. It's the tiredness olympics in this house!

Being called lazy is awful but even worse when it's totally unfair. I would want to know how he could justify that tbh.