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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what is the biggest sacrifice you've made for your family?

141 replies

dubbada · 22/08/2012 21:34

what have you sacrficed, or what would you be willing to sacrifice?

OP posts:
Margerykemp · 23/08/2012 12:27

I just think it's sexist and unfair that women have made all these sacrifices but the fathers' lives go on almost unchanged.

WilsonFrickett · 23/08/2012 12:35

My DH would also say he'd sacrificed things though Margery (apart from the figure stuff although hello beer belly but I don't suppose that's DS fault). Because of the choices we've made as a family, he has had less choice in his career. He was offered a job which would have meant staying away from home four nights a week last year, which he didn't want to do because he didn't want to be away from us. And while I think his sense of self hasn't changed, he is a super-worrier about DS. I think parenthood changes both parents, it just seems to be exclusively mothers on this thread.

KitCat26 · 23/08/2012 12:35

My pelvic floor.
My vagina.
My boobs.
My job that I loved.

It was definitely worth it though.

Margery you are right, nothing has changed at all for DH although he'd probably say he's sacrificed his tv and cream carpets. But then he couldn't do the giving birth/pregnancy bit which is where most of my sacrifices were made.

Lambzig · 23/08/2012 12:36

Margery I am not sure men's lives dont change too. DH has given up:

  • having any money for holidays etc (IVF and child expenses)
  • taken a higher paying and higher pressure job to allow me to to part time/take longer maternity leave with DC2 soon
  • nights out down the pub so he can come home and help
  • stag weekends he was invited to this year as we cant afford it and two of them are in my last 6 weeks of pregnancy

I dont think he minds about any of this, but to say his life is unchanged isn't true

AnnieLobeseder · 23/08/2012 12:39

My independence. I love my family, but on reflection, I suspect I should have stayed single and childless. I miss my freedom so much sometimes I wonder if what I get back from my family is worth it. It's a moot point though because I wouldn't give them up for anything.

If I had a time-machine though and could go back and speak to my 25 year-old self......

Badvoc · 23/08/2012 12:41

My sense of self.
I am 40 soon and am really working in trying to find "me" again....

charlottehere · 23/08/2012 12:42

Figure, bank balance, time, career, continence! All worth it though. they better look after me when I'm old

GladbagsAndYourHandrags · 23/08/2012 12:42

Ahem - I think I have made by far the biggest sacrifice on here.

I sacrificed a mars bar duo the other day so the DC could eat it.

BarbarianMum · 23/08/2012 12:45

My freedom.

I am no longer free to travel the world, sleep around, apply for any job I fancy, spend my money only on myself, cook only when I fancy it, spend the day in bed reading, stay out all night without tell anyone....and on and on.

But that's family life, isn't it? And exactly the same for my husband, except that he has never wanted to travel the world particularly. On the other hand he is no longer allowed to work more than 45 hours a week, on average.

Ismeyes · 23/08/2012 12:55

Having DD was like being hit by a train for me, almost like I was completely broken up and had to start from scratch. I'm so glad she happened to me, I'm a stronger and less selfish person now- it knocked the edges off me.

I don't feel I have lost my freedom or career now, but it was touch and go when she was a baby.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 23/08/2012 13:35

I have spent a long time grieving for my old life. It was mine and just mine and i loved it. complete club bunny, travelled, slept, enjoyed work, friends, dangerous hoobies, exhillerating....

....sacked it all for my dc who i love indefinatly, i live for them, id die for them, id merrily murder every single one of you for them Grin

BUT - my boobs, my flat stomach, my social life, financial stability, spare cash! my sanity - quite literally, host of MH ishoos since first pregnancy, my kidneys are fucked, my livers fucked, my brain is mush.... finally feel like i am crawling out of the fire... no idea who i am anymore though, i do not recognise this person at all. I adore my children, they are worth it all and more ten times over, but i feel a bit lost and its hard work being me right now

(note: not that they are hard, or even life is hard, just being myself is hard...)

Calabria · 23/08/2012 13:40

My peace of mind. I've been worried sick for the last eight years and I cannot see it ever ending Sad

happydotcom · 23/08/2012 13:40

My sanity, career, my body , my bank balance , lie ins, spontaneous sex.

Dignity gone forever.............It was worth it :)

Mrbojangles1 · 23/08/2012 13:54

My childhood i had my child very very young

aftereight · 23/08/2012 13:58

My toned stomach

My career and earning potential

My concentration

My independence

My love of travel

Am hoping that the last four will return at some point!

spanky2 · 23/08/2012 13:59

My sanity - Just love those antidepressants!
My size 14 clothes.
Going to work.
Holidays.
Money.
I know it was worth it.

Mumsyblouse · 23/08/2012 14:00

Reading this hasn't made me feel good at all, I had no idea so many people really think their being and lives have changed for the worse:(

I think it depends how old your children are as well. Mine are 6 and 8 now and I just feel like myself with a 6 and 8 year old. Career, well, as good as it would have been if I hadn't had children, not outstanding. Body, well, I look at my childless friends and they all have spare tyres and wrinkles too, they don't all look 10 years younger (although their bits may have been spared). Sanity, I was always a bit neurotic, if anything this is better as I have to behave better for the children. Friends, see them when I can, again no worse than all my single/childless friends. Identity, just me with children.

I feel quite sad that this is the price for motherhood most people seem to think is acceptable. Or perhaps it's just those early years when you do lose yourself and then find yourself again. But I'm quite shocked.

spanky2 · 23/08/2012 14:01

Oh yes pelvic floor, being able to walk and sneeze!

LoopyLoopsOlympicHoops · 23/08/2012 14:08

Me - my body, drinking, sleep

DH - sleep, career, earning potential, friends and family (we emigrated due in part to the amazing opportunity for the kids)

For me though it has definitely made me more ambitious.

spanky2 · 23/08/2012 14:09

Sacrifice implies things you have lost or given up for your children. I think most people would not exchange their children to have those things back. Friends of ours, who are childless have gone on their second trip around the world. That could be me and dh, as we are similarly qualified/jobs pre dsx2. But we gave that up when we had children. We talked about it and wouldn't change our decision to have children. But it is hard and sometimes it is nice to have a light hearted moan. I found this thread reassuring as it is not just me who misses the easiness and selfish fun before children.Smile

Mumsyblouse · 23/08/2012 14:10

Margery some women choose some of these sacrifices, including keeping the man's life the same. If they didn't, and demanded more of some of the men I read about (with open mouth) on MN, then they would have a more equal burden/distribution of sacrifice.

And as Wilson Frickett says, men who are taking an equal share, do sacrifice things, like time, energy, career progression, looks/weight, to family life.

In fact, I hate the word 'sacrifice' in relation to parenting, it's so mummy martyrish longs for Xenia to rock up

porcamiseria · 23/08/2012 14:23

margery

most complaints are vagina/breast related! we do have to feed and carry them!

and my DP has given up his work to be a SAHD

What I have given up is hedonism mainly!

MrsReiver · 23/08/2012 14:25

Margery - my husband's career was also hugely influenced by the arrival of our son. He postponed his professional exams as revising with a brand new premmy baby was a nightmare. I'm sure if the same question was asked of fathers, they would probably agree that they have made sacrifices.

I'm in complete agreement with Spanky. Yes, I have made sacrifices, but if I had my time over, I wouldn't do anything different.

McBee27 · 23/08/2012 14:40

This thread is scaring me into not having children! Shock

Summerblaze · 23/08/2012 15:19

Oh and seeing the bottom of the ironing pile.