to ask what is the biggest sacrifice you've made for your family?

[dubbada]

what have you sacrficed, or what would you be willing to sacrifice?

sacrifice - anything & everything to do what needed to be done for my family, be it providing, emotionally financially physically.

what I have sacrificed......

sanity
emotional wellbeing (depressions a bitch)
my delusionally flat tummy
my bank balance
holidays abroad
my own home (XH army = never brought a house)
calm and tranquility in favour of chaos

but what i've gained, aside from XH (knobhead) is a wonderful DP, a small adequate flat, 2 beautiful well behaved (as much as a 6 year and 1 year old can be) boys, the eldest being very polite and a joy to be around. basically a happy settled family of misfits.

My career - I was on the board before I had DD (Iwas the only non public school white male on the board). When I went back to work (part time), I still had the same nominal director title, but absolutely no responsiblity or budgets or anything.

There are two boards now and they are exclusively, you guessed it, public school white males. Then they dont get why they have very few women in the company over 30.

Worth every second of having DD though and would do it ten times over if I could.

My ability to do anything 'dangerous'. Why would I put my DC at risk of not having a mother just because I'd like to go gliding / bungee jumping etc etc. DH still does though.

i like your view of your family davidtennantsmistress

'a happy settled family of misfits'

love that

Never having lived in london
We have lived abroad and travelled around abit but it wasn't til
We had had kids and were visiting a childless
Friend in London that I realised I would have loved I have lived in London for a year when I was younger but I wouldn't want to live there with kids

Um, let me think:

Gained:

• more multitasking abilities than I ever thought possible
• better home management/ cooking skills, wide repertoire of getting a good meal from scratch for cheap
• knowledge of where to find bargains (more time to find the bargains)
• wider sense of what is important in life...not as materialistic anymore

Losses:

• sleep
• sleep
• sleep
• flat stomach...

I just cant say I feel deprived by having 2 DCs 2 yrs apart.

DH & I travelled widely before DCs, I have a degree under my belt, lots of work experience and I dont feel I'm missing out now by being SAHM, for now. Plenty of women I have met have told me they DID find work once their DCs were older, it was possible, so I'm just aiming to enjoy this career break with DCs, as have realised they need me to be there to nurture them, be there after school etc It is not a walk in the park raising kids, wish more people realised this and respected mothers much more

Travel opps will come again and they can travel with us when older. Life hasnt ended really, but it is faster and more chaotic with DCs, absolutely.

BUT, I do try to keep things slow...lots of sitting around, reading when I can, planning GOOD days with DCs that dont cost much etc

but it has changed...but even without DCs, am sure my life would have changed anyway as I get older, into different stages of life we tend to see things differently anyhow, dont we, regardless of whether we have kids or not, but having kids does affect so much

rambling too much here...that would be the strong coffee then

Fourarms - I have a DS and I just did my 1st skydive last weekend.

Statistically I had more chance of being killed or injured driving to the airfield then I did jumping out of the plan at 10,000 ft.

I'm already planning my 2nd one.

My sanity.
It's harder when they get older. DS1 has just had his 16th birthday and has a really good social life but I worry like mad when he is out.
I am frightened of random attacks, stabbings, him doing something stupid.

It was so much easier when they were under 10!

The ability to just sit peacefully in my own body.

Even when things are quiet, it feels like I'm constantly aware of where everyone is in the house and what they are doing and, in particular, the possible hazards they may encounter.
I have a 3yo bloody fast bolter, so when we are out I'm always ready to sprint.
I miss having leisurely uninterrupted conversations. (I have taken to emailing dh about anything important if it needs to be discussed in the day)

So I've given up the career plan and my body but that's not a problem for me but it's this every day feeling of living on red alert that I find most difficult to contend with.

little - I told my GP about my high alert feelings, he said those are basically anixety/panic issues - he prescribed Escalitopram just one tablet a day5mg and the difference is amazing. I no longer have fhe angst and the rushing feeling, or indeed the intense worry about life and the DCs (hence my rather strange chilled out perspective now, which I much prefer tbh). Worth a try, they kicked in after 2 weeks or so. Similar effect to taking a G& T initially, but longer term, I am so much more calm about the chaos surrounding me

hth

That's very interesting Madda. I thought that it was fairly normal to feel this way.

I suppose I do have a few of the red flags for anxiety but I'm not ready to go to the doctors yet. I'm going to see how things change when my littlest starts nursery in 2 weeks time and I'm able to use that time to get more organised and do some exercise. It's really useful to know there might be other approaches if that doesn't help though. Thank you.

My career. Loved it, miss it but they come first.

yep, exercise a big help little, I too am hoping to get a good routine going once youngest goes 4 mornings a week to nursery this Sept. I think we have earned this time to do something for us!!

also, Evening Primrose Oil tablets, 1000mg tablet one a day from healthfood shops

skin is now amazing and moods more balanced too

I'll prob have to take these for rest of my life, but am happy to do so as am amazed at the difference they have made

My beautiful slit belly button which is now like the black hole of Calcutta.
Lie ins
A belly that doesn't wobble
We would be far better off financially.

Would I change my 3 dc's......hell no. In fact I keep thinking 4 would be nice .

My figure is the only thing that's really changed but I can't quite bring myself to care too much - it was never perfect to begin with and its never held me back in anything I wanted to do.

Obviously less freedom to go out etc but loads of my childless friends have stopped going out so much now anyway - think it comes with age.

Money. Again, childcare costs are high but I can't think its a sacrifice as such, just an extra expenditure.

I've just ordered some Evening Primrose Oil. It's amazing what you learn when you have a good old whinge on t'internet. :-)

Again, thanks Madda

My life savings (IVF)
My body - gone from gym bunny to flopsy bunny
My mind - always worrying about LO
Sleep - once a favourite hobby
My career
Pedicures - feet now donkey hooves. Clip clop.

Jeez this is depressing!

Makes you wonder why women have kids?

I had a great life/body/career/money after DC1, after DC2 I lost everything.

Grieving for who I was was one of hardest things I've had to do in my life.

I suppose in theory:
Nice boobs
Free time
Career

But in reality my figure is better than it ever was (I weigh less and am fitter than before DC1), I am much more efficient with the free time I have and I have just retrained for a new career that I actually love instead of my old meh one.

No complaints here

i think my consolation when I'm feeling things have been taken away, and are out of my control, is that once DCs are older, I WILL get some of that life back, and I think life will be easier to manage somehow, as I will think more of what really matters and not fret so much about trivial work issues or trivial issues which used to bother me loads

hoping thats what happens anyhow

can I ask what you retrained as Hopfeully?

Was planning to retrain in a couple of years, but dont know what to choose

A place to do a PhD in an field I love at one of the most respected unis in the UK.

Don't regret it for an instant!

margerykemp - it wasnt meant to be a depressing thread, just an affirmation of what women are willing to do for their family, not always a bad thing.

but reassuring for people to know that others go the same worries