Tell me I'm not unreasonable to be standing by the back door

[Cathycomehome]

Having a fag and a glass of wine in these circumstances, please!

The baby's crying. His father is having to deal. I feel guilty, but:

I'm doing all the nights. Little son is nearly six weeks old. Last night, big son had friend to sleep over. I was up from 1 am til 2, 5 am til 7 and then 7 am til now. Partner slept downstairs, as usual since son two arrived. He slept from about midnight til 9.30, at which point he cooked himself breakfast and announced he was going into work. He has to work, I get this. However, he didn't return it 8. 30 tonight, having had a drink on the way home. In the meantime, I have looked after son two, supervised son 1 and mate, dealt with the neighbour who came in for coffee, taken son 1 to the doctors, bathed son two etc etc He came in and had a bath for thirty minutes. I step,outside NOWin sheer desperation and have said fag and glass of wine. Little son crying colicky with his dad, as usual this time of night.

He just bloody well asked me if I was "going to be long". I want to kill him, and yes I am going to be longer than two minutes by myself before starting again.

and breathe.

YANBU to need time to yourself.

YABU to smoke when you're going to be handling a small baby.

Yes, keep breathing :o. And be as long as you bloody want - those overwhelming days are still a vivid memory, many years later. All I can tell you is it gets better - but parenting should be a partnership, not an exercise in martyrdom for one or other of you. Time for a serious chat, I reckon.

(Just so you know - acronyms on MN are such that big son would be DS1, little son DS2. There's a list somewhere above)

I just KNEW someone would say something about you smoking!!!! Sooooooo predictable !!!

Yanbu

I KNEW I'd get flamed for smoking. I have a smoking coat. I wash my hands religiously. I don't pick little son up for thirty minutes, unless absolute emergency ( not happened yet). I haven't smoked for nine ish months until now. I am just a bit worn down.

And suddenly tearful :(

Oh sweetie don't cry. Enjoy your fag and wine, husband will cope. It's shit and bloody hard work.

Cathy you don't have to justify your smoking to randoms on the internet.

YANBU to want some time out for yourself

Tell your DH you'll take as long as you need...just as he did when he stopped off for a drink at the pub.

Thas helpful Welsh

Give yourself a break Op, your ds2 is only 6 weeks old. Tell your DH to help more and you have your wine and cig.

Poisons from cigarettes linger for twelve hours. I'm an ex smoker, I know it's not easy to quit. But babies get a lot of contact with their adult carers, that's a lot of exposure. You did ask, I'm not 'flaming' you, just answering your question.

Your DH is being unreasonable, if you're not bf is there a reason he can't take a night time feed or get up earlier so you can go back to bed for an hour??

Nothing worse than a smug ex smoker.

Paedtrican Harvey Karp has great colic methods, which worked for us. Just keep thinking that this will pass.
As for your DH I think an evening on night shift is in order!

Oh love, it'll get easier. Enjoy your fag, have a to go with it. Does your baby need a feed soon? If not, then tell your DP to properly pacify him ie walking around and getting him quiet, not just holding (have to tell my DP all the time that pacifying is not just!) and then take yourself off to the bottom of the garden and have several fags.

Oh ffs, enjoy your bloody fag. And pour yourself a second glass of wine as well!

Ok, feeling just marginally worse that I am also poisoning my baby, as I know this really, but am so tried and I really needed a smoke. Will stop being self indulgent, and get back to it. I adore this baby, but I'm so tired.

YANBU - I have firmly bollocked DH tonight as DD refused pointblank to go to sleep and I asked him to take a turn to be greeted with "she won't go down for me". After an hour and a half I was hanging out so plonked her on him and trotted off for a bit of space.

And I have to say (and I mean this in a totally non-patronising way) I'm well impressed that you actually know all the precautions to take after smoking. So many people don't. (I'm a bit of a Nazi as DD was on a health programme where smoking near her was the biggest no-no going and educating family members was a NIGHTMARE!)

I smoked for years, and stopped when pregnant. I can't start again, but I still crave the odd one. Yes you know you shouldn't be doing it - but at least you are minimising the impact as much as possible. As you can do 9 months might be worth trying to stick with the wine though.

Welsh - OP is down, tearful and has had enough. She doesn't need you adding to her misery.

not just cuddling i meant

Oh sorry, I missed nice comments, I feel guilty a LOT, tbh, but a fag seems to be the only answer occasionally. Thanks everyone, and I will try not to smoke. I seem to have started a weird involuntary crying now I've started, I assume this will pass.

Take as long as you like, i would ....enjoy your fag and wine

Have to beg to differ there Welsh, because I'm not the one that's made the already upset and end of her tether OP feel worse.

So go give yourself a slap on the back. Well done you.

Had a look for you - it's the 5 s's to help with colic-
Swaddle
Suck (dummy)
Sway (gently rock them)
Shhhhhsssd (make a loud shhhhushing noise)
Stomach (your meant to hold them a certain way on their stomachs)

And one I've added just for you IGNORE - ignore people criticising you, you're doing your best x