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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me I'm not unreasonable to be standing by the back door

89 replies

Cathycomehome · 21/08/2012 22:55

Having a fag and a glass of wine in these circumstances, please!

The baby's crying. His father is having to deal. I feel guilty, but:

I'm doing all the nights. Little son is nearly six weeks old. Last night, big son had friend to sleep over. I was up from 1 am til 2, 5 am til 7 and then 7 am til now. Partner slept downstairs, as usual since son two arrived. He slept from about midnight til 9.30, at which point he cooked himself breakfast and announced he was going into work. He has to work, I get this. However, he didn't return it 8. 30 tonight, having had a drink on the way home. In the meantime, I have looked after son two, supervised son 1 and mate, dealt with the neighbour who came in for coffee, taken son 1 to the doctors, bathed son two etc etc He came in and had a bath for thirty minutes. I step,outside NOWin sheer desperation and have said fag and glass of wine. Little son crying colicky with his dad, as usual this time of night.

He just bloody well asked me if I was "going to be long". I want to kill him, and yes I am going to be longer than two minutes by myself before starting again.

and breathe.

OP posts:
WelshMaenad · 21/08/2012 23:14

DON'T get back to it. Your son is being perfectly well cares for by one of his parents. Go and have a really long bubble bath and tell your DH that you'll be as long as you need to be.

Tiger in a tree hold (baby belly down on your firearm, one arm/leg either side, swing your arm through 90 degrees) is awesome for colicky/refluxy/mizzy babies. Dd loved it. Do it over a bed if you're nervous!

MrsHoolie · 21/08/2012 23:15

Have a look at Dr Karp on You Tube for top
Tips on how do deal with Colic. Especially swaddling an shushing.

My DD was colicky in the evenings and I too was drawn back to smoking!
Btw I now use electric ciggies which are great.

The baby stage is SO hard.

Tartymuffin · 21/08/2012 23:15

The odd fag and some quiet time in the garden to keep your sanity is better than a completely frazzled Mummy. At least you are doing everything you can to minimise risk - it's not like you're holding the baby in one hand and five fags in the other!

I was very good on the weepy front for a good while after DD was born - hormones are a bitch. So are some people. Both will pass. Crying is healthy, it releases stress and pent up emotions.

Glass of wine, a fag or two and a good cry?? You're going to be absolutely grand afterwards :)

WelshMaenad · 21/08/2012 23:17

Forearm, not firearm. I do not recommend balancing neonates on a Sig Sauer.

WorraLiberty · 21/08/2012 23:18

OP can I suggest buying an E.Cig (if you don't want to smoke that is)

I used one to give up and it was brilliant for giving that nicotine 'hit' but without the actual smoke.

Anyway, you don't need to concentrate on that now....things will get better.

Luckyluckyme · 21/08/2012 23:18

YADNBU. You deserve a medal for the last 24 hours.

It sounds like you need a LOT more time to relax.

Ignore any negative comments. I bet you are a great mum. I don't smoke but I shout and nag. I doubt any of us are perfect.

NarkedRaspberry · 21/08/2012 23:20

You can work on the smoking another day. For now, have your wine and your cigarette and tell your DP that it's his child too and it won't kill him to look after her for an hour so you get a break.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 21/08/2012 23:21

Thanks all. I have recovered composure. My oh has taken the baby out in the car which will settle him, but only while in it! But it does give me a break. I'm going to pour another glass, I think. Sorry for being moany. I adore my baby, but ts beena bit of a difficult adjustment, I guess ( my older son is twelve on Saturday!) when he was new, my partner was still at uni (he was 20, I was 22) and only came for weekends, so I guess this is all new for him too. He only has lived with us full time since son one was three.

I think i just need a little rest.

OP posts:
Tartymuffin · 21/08/2012 23:22

DD was a colicky baby (last bad night was at 9 months!) and we tried everything except swaddling, because it's not recommended by FSID as it can cause overheating and restricted breathing. (Only going by what we were told).

Tiger in a tree hold is brilliant - although as my DD also had reflux we had to put a cloth down to catch any puke. Also in Germany the paeds nurses showed me a method where you wrap your arms around the baby, under their arms so their legs are dangling. You have their back to your front so their head is supported against your chest, and then you swing them gently from side to side - brings up wind amazingly. They also showed me to put DD higher over my shoulder so that her tummy was pressed against the top of my shoulder which also helped, as did a warm cloth on her back.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 21/08/2012 23:23

I think I had more energy when I was 22, or maybe I have just forgotten the baby stage.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cathycomehome · 21/08/2012 23:24

Thank you for advice, I will try the different holds.

OP posts:
MmeLindor · 21/08/2012 23:24

YANBU

Get yourself together, have another glass of wine or maybe a cup of tea.

Once both boys are settled, sit down with your DH and tell him that you need more support. His behaviour is not acceptable.

Do you get a break sometimes? Are you BFing or could your DH take a turn getting up in the night.

Ignore Welsh. You are doing what you can to hold yourslef together and are obviously concerned about the health of your sons. Concentrate on getting through the next couple of months. Now is not the time to stop smoking.

SoleSource · 21/08/2012 23:26

Yanbu go to bed. Seriously.

cheeseandmushroomtoastie · 21/08/2012 23:27

Yanbu. No advice to give on the colic, but when I wanted to escape/calm down/not punch DH when he walked in from work I would get in the shower. Nice hot shower would calm me down, wouldn't be able to baby crying and feel better after, to go and deal with whatever. Also changing out if the clothes I had worn all day felt good too. Don't know if that helps but from your post op it sounds like you need some alone time.

Hope the colic improves.

5madthings · 21/08/2012 23:28

no yanbu! the first thing i do once i have got my 5 to bed is sit on the back step and have a fag. its my time to just chill out.

you need a break, the baby will be fine with you dp. have another Wine and enjoy the peace whilst they are out!

1944girl · 21/08/2012 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justbogoffnow · 21/08/2012 23:34

Pick your time to have serious conversation with DP about pulling his weight at home in these early weeks. Yes he has to work, but that doesn't mean he does the minimum/stays out of the house while you are ALSO working and not an 8 hour day! If you can agree set times during the week when you know he's going to take over and enable you some down time (wine/bath/read book/doze/go out/whatever) you then won't feel like you're on a relentless hamster wheel. Set break times - a must! Good luck.

MotionOfTheOcean · 21/08/2012 23:36

I remember driving a colicky baby around as it was the only way to settle him,enjoy your short break op.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 21/08/2012 23:40

So, they're back. Already. He won't settle for me is the reason. I don't think I'm depressed, but I'm tired out and I just feel like running away. If I had a driving licence, I'd seriously be in the car by now, driving to settle my SELF down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cathycomehome · 21/08/2012 23:41

Oh. Brilliant. I just suggested a dummy, all sterilised, I bought them yesterday. Apparently, his mum says dummies are lazy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cathycomehome · 21/08/2012 23:43

Better give in and leave back door wine and smoking aven. I'm not oing o get peace, just guilt.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cathycomehome · 21/08/2012 23:43

Haven, not aven.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 21/08/2012 23:45

His Mum can fuck off. I hope things get a bit easier.

bronze · 21/08/2012 23:46

Tell him that neonatal units recommend the use of dummies

MotionOfTheOcean · 21/08/2012 23:47

I thought much the same thing,if you want to give the baby a dummy then do so,his mum isnt the one with the sleepless nights,hope baby settles soon.