Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Tell me I'm not unreasonable to be standing by the back door

89 replies

Cathycomehome · 21/08/2012 22:55

Having a fag and a glass of wine in these circumstances, please!

The baby's crying. His father is having to deal. I feel guilty, but:

I'm doing all the nights. Little son is nearly six weeks old. Last night, big son had friend to sleep over. I was up from 1 am til 2, 5 am til 7 and then 7 am til now. Partner slept downstairs, as usual since son two arrived. He slept from about midnight til 9.30, at which point he cooked himself breakfast and announced he was going into work. He has to work, I get this. However, he didn't return it 8. 30 tonight, having had a drink on the way home. In the meantime, I have looked after son two, supervised son 1 and mate, dealt with the neighbour who came in for coffee, taken son 1 to the doctors, bathed son two etc etc He came in and had a bath for thirty minutes. I step,outside NOWin sheer desperation and have said fag and glass of wine. Little son crying colicky with his dad, as usual this time of night.

He just bloody well asked me if I was "going to be long". I want to kill him, and yes I am going to be longer than two minutes by myself before starting again.

and breathe.

OP posts:

picnicbasketcase · 21/08/2012 23:49

Your baby, not his Mum's. Do what feels right for you both and helps you keep your sanity.

SchrodingersMew · 21/08/2012 23:49

Maybe ask his Mum to come round and deal with it then!? Like to take bets on how long it takes her to break out the dummies? :o

Hope things start calming down OP.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 21/08/2012 23:50

If his mum thinks dummies are lazy, maybe she'd like to settle the baby?

on your behalf.

Noqontrol · 21/08/2012 23:50

Both mine had dummies. They were an absolute saviour. Not lazy, sanity saving!!

DevaDiva · 21/08/2012 23:52

Sorry not read all the previous but a quick fag and some time out is the least you deserve don't beat yourself up about it xxx

rollmeover · 21/08/2012 23:53

Dummies are lazy? Tell her to piss off. Its not crack cocaine. They have had dummies since the dawn of time! (and there is evidence to suggest they prevent SiDs)

Your dp cant have it all ways - if baby only settles for mum, then mum gets to chose how to settle baby - use the bloody dummy!

Softlysoftly · 21/08/2012 23:54

Give the child a dummy!!! It's about what comforts them not a parents ease.

I hate the feeling that they have all the time in the world and yours is limited. DD2 is 12 wks I regularly have her and DD1 alone, he wanders in and I leave baby to sort DD1s tea, put a load of washing on and have a wee and I get "I need to go out again are you done?" what done with my relaxing me time oh yes absolutely fuckwit.

Ahem sidetracked anyway YANBU take some time out and ignore!

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler · 21/08/2012 23:55

My DDs both had dummies, my DS didn't like it. If she is going to deal with the crying baby, she has a right to choose how, if she is not, she can go such a dummy herself, so there, nah nah nah nah nah!! That is how she made me feel, so childish!!

You have done a fab job over the last 24 hours. Try and rest now. Good luck.

EightiesChick · 22/08/2012 00:01

I am not a fan of dummies but in this situation you do what you have to do! If it works then use one. His mum doesn't get to lay down the law. Out of interest, whoever said they are now recommended in neonatal units - what's the benefit?

EightiesChick · 22/08/2012 00:02

Sorry, have just read comment above about preventing SIDs.

Moominsarescary · 22/08/2012 00:02

Lazy? Ffs if it helps comfort an upset baby why wouldn't you try it, all mine had dummies. Ds3 was given one almost as soon as he was born by the neonatal staff.

Your oh needs to help more, never mind banging on about what his mother thinks. Dont beat yourself up about the smoking I had plenty when ds3 was about 7 months old and I hadn't smoked for years. Your tired and need a break

Moominsarescary · 22/08/2012 00:05

And yes new research suggests they help prevent SIDS

Bobyan · 22/08/2012 00:09

Give the baby the dummy and flip his mother the bird!

Tartymuffin · 22/08/2012 00:13

My DD has a dummy solely because of the evidence which suggests they prevent SIDS.... That aside I bloody loved them when she was colicky!

JustAnotherLlama · 22/08/2012 00:22

It's your baby, it doesn't matter what his mother thinks! Imo a dummy is the lesser of two evils - at least you can take it away at a certain age, whereas a thumb you can't! When he realises sucking on something helps make him feel better it'll be a hard habit to break.

JustAnotherLlama · 22/08/2012 00:23

Sucking his thumb I mean of course, that wasn't very clear. Up with my own little monster who doesn't want to settle tonight.

OneWaySystemBlues · 22/08/2012 00:31

Well if giving the baby a dummy is lazy, then so is your DH for making you do all the work. It's a dummy, not crack for goodness sake. It's worth a try - he may not even take it (mine wouldn't) but it's got to be worth a try if you're desperate.

Original poster

Cathycomehome · 22/08/2012 01:40

I'm thinking of leaving home. In the night, secretly.

OP posts:

NewMummy48 · 22/08/2012 02:02

OP please ignore the "Smoking is bad" comments, I was in your position 10 months ago and I have more than one fag to get me through the day and my baby perfectly fine! My mum used to breast feed me and smoke at the same time (I wouldn't recommend that) but honestly you deserve your wine and your fag, please don't feel as though you have to justify your reasons for having one. I still do occasionally now!

The dummy was a lifesaver for me when my DS couldn't settle, I tried the car, the holds, rocking, 'shhhh's' and in the end I used a dummy and it worked straight away! DS didnt want a dummy anymore when I was 5 months old but the first few months that dummy gave me peace and let me rest.

Don't listen to DH's mum, it's not her baby. You make all the decisions about your baby'

NewMummy48 · 22/08/2012 02:03

Sorry for spelling/punctuation I'm on my phone.

maddening · 22/08/2012 04:20

I always wished ds would take a dummy - and they are advised to be used by fsids so 2 good reasons to use if ds will take it

OhYoshimi · 22/08/2012 04:33

My dh always said, 'I stopped smoking cos we were having a baby. I started smoking cos we had a baby'.

MissTapestry · 22/08/2012 05:22

Well his mum can piss right off
I wish DD would take one.

He sounds like an arse.

You sound like you are doing an amazing job, I'm 7 weeks into my first DC and sometimes feel at breaking point and my DP is very supportive if a bit clueless, so I have massive respect for anyone who manages with more than one!

Tell him he's being a knobber.

MrsKeithRichards · 22/08/2012 07:01

How was the rest of your night op?

Original poster

Cathycomehome · 23/08/2012 01:10

Hi, just thought I'd update...

Well, last night, things got worse, as we ended up having a blazing row. In The morning, he was helpfully not speaking to me... But, he looked after the small one, and I had a sleep, and then we talked. Long talk, upshot being we saw each other's points of view, he apologised and bought me flowers , and then I had another sleep!

I then went out with three good friends for a meal in the next village, which was just what the doctor ordered, a couple of hours with my mates, and now feel about ready to get on with stuff again. As you can see from time of post, I'm doing tonight with the baby, but my partner is taking him out for a bit in the morning.

Thanks so much for support, it's becoming to seem doable again, and I don't want to kill my partner anymore, or leave home!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4