Tell me I'm not unreasonable to be standing by the back door

[Cathycomehome]

Having a fag and a glass of wine in these circumstances, please!

The baby's crying. His father is having to deal. I feel guilty, but:

I'm doing all the nights. Little son is nearly six weeks old. Last night, big son had friend to sleep over. I was up from 1 am til 2, 5 am til 7 and then 7 am til now. Partner slept downstairs, as usual since son two arrived. He slept from about midnight til 9.30, at which point he cooked himself breakfast and announced he was going into work. He has to work, I get this. However, he didn't return it 8. 30 tonight, having had a drink on the way home. In the meantime, I have looked after son two, supervised son 1 and mate, dealt with the neighbour who came in for coffee, taken son 1 to the doctors, bathed son two etc etc He came in and had a bath for thirty minutes. I step,outside NOWin sheer desperation and have said fag and glass of wine. Little son crying colicky with his dad, as usual this time of night.

He just bloody well asked me if I was "going to be long". I want to kill him, and yes I am going to be longer than two minutes by myself before starting again.

and breathe.

Hi cathy glad you talked and things are getting better, we all need a break from time to time. And some bloody sleep!

Thats brilliant. Glad you have managed to sort things out.

Well done you (& him!) for sitting down & thrashing it out while you were both still simmering. Cleared the air & acknowleged both of your views on the difficulties rather than let resentment build up. Marvellous!

So glad you got time out with your friends too, makes you feel human again!

Yay!

Excellent. Everyone needs sleep and some time for themselves to stay sane.

Op i haven't read all the replies so i'm not sure but has anyone mentioned cranial osteopathy? it worked wonders for us when ds had horrific colic and was screaming till around 1am when he would eventually pass out from being so tired.

Dummies equal godsend! Mumsnet1, partner's mum 0

Glad to see you're getting some support and understanding.

When DD was small, she screamed a LOT as she had colic but no one would accept "reflux" until her 6 week appointment with Paed. Who immediately said "silent reflux". Thank GOD someone else understood!!

We kept her upright a lot as that seemed to help, especially after feeds. So I wouldn't make the bed in the mornings until after her mid-morning feed, and then I would prop her up in the pillows while I made the bed and we'd have a song and I'd make the sheets billow all around her .... wasted about 20 mins that way and meant she had most of the necessary 30 after a feed.

I got very used to using the sling we had (started with a Baby Bjorn, and had a larger similar type one for when she was bigger) indoors as well as out on walks. I have photos of her waving around trying to grab my food as I desperately tried to eat my dinner.

Driving helped (DH would usually do that). I loved to go out and walk with her, but we often had problems with her lying in the pram, so I was really delighted when her neck was strong enough to swop the pram for the buggy attachment, and I had often used the car seat rather than pram as that kept her a bit more upright.

And we got a high chair (I think it was a M&P one) that had a support going between her legs, and dropped back to almost vertical. So we put her into that from about 5 weeks on, starting quite far back but it wasn't lying down so better than pram or playpen. As her neck got stronger, it meant that we could put her sitting straighter - but it was handy for putting her down after 20-30 mins after a feed when my arms were killing me and I needed to get on with other jobs again.

We did do the "tiger in a tree" too, that helped settle her once she wasn't full of milk.
Baby gavison was useless. But I know there are other options there now, if reflux is part of the problem.

OP I hope you are feeling better today ignore the fag comments we all know how bad smoking is , I hope you enjoyed your wine and break from the baby

Oh Cathy {{hugs}} I'm late to this thread, but take as long as you need whenever you need. Your DH will cope, though they love to pretend they won't sometimes. You need some time to yourself too.

As for smoking.... I'm a vehement anti-smoker especially where children are concerned BUT I would never lecture someone on how to live their life. Yes you are smoking but you know the risks and you seem to know that you shouldn't be, you are not smoking directly near the children either and from what you say it sounds like you never do. So I say have that darn fag if you need it, trying to give up when you are under such stress will only make you worse IMHO. Definatly try to give up, but I don't think now is the right time for you is it?

Just read your latest post - so glad you ate feeling better.

I'm another one who seconds the advice of cranial osteopathy. When my DD was born I had no sleep at all as she suffered terribly from colic. A few sessions with the osteopath and she was like a different baby!

I hope things are getting better for you now that you've discussed everything with your DH.

For what it's worth I totally understand what it's like. I was physically ill from lack of sleep after having my DD and had a disabled DS and a totally unsupportive partner (now ex!). Exhaustion is so hard to deal with and everybody needs a break every now and again. Don't feel guilty about the fag and wine. You needed it to keep you going, which it did.

Dummies aren't the root of all evil if used properly.

Sorry if stating the obvious but use a cranial osteopath recommended by someone. I didn't and ended up feeling totally ripped off and didn't go back for more sessions to finish the treatment. The guy was patronising and condescending. He basically said something like, well he's a baby and babies do cry a lot and keep you awake all night, it's normal.
The treatment made no difference whatsoever.
Glad you're feeling better and have sorted probs with OH.