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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy DS2 pink shoes?

130 replies

trigirl2012 · 21/08/2012 00:03

DS2 is 2.5 years old and loves pink mainly as he dotes on DD (aged 8). DS1 went through similar pink phase at same age, and has definitely grown out of it.

Anyway current shoes are red start rite, and when I bought them he refused to try on the other ones that were brought out (various colours, blue brown, black). But was happy when he saw the red shoes and has told everyone he knows - "look at my red shoes".

Current shoes too small and meltdown in shoe shop as wanted pink shoes. While DS1 getting schoool shoes DS2 and DD had gone to look at toddler shoes and come back with a few pink flowery shoes. He totally refused to put his feet into the shoes that were brought out for him in selection of boys colours - blue, brown, black etc. Just said "want pink shoes, no like it blue shoes"

I didn't buy the pink shoes (didn't even let him try them on, even called DH who said definitely not), tears all round him saying he wanted pink shoes, but luckily happy ending as shop assistant found red geox boots that he eventually accepted.

But I would have bought DD as a toddler blue boys shoes had she had a meltdown. And I will let DS2 wear hand me down pink wellies (although equally happy to buy him new wellies if he wants).

So was I reasonable - should I have bought the pink shoes for him?

OP posts:
Original poster
trigirl2012 · 21/08/2012 20:34

Thanks all interesting to hear opinions.

I am very comfortable with him wearing pink, he has pink clothes, although all from boys section, and as I said hand me down wellies.

He plays with dolls as well as bob the builder. Shoes more problematic as they were very girly and also due to cost and that he'd have to wear every day for several months.

And just remembering that pink shoes really scuff badly as well, so maybe just as well I didn't buy!

OP posts:
thegreylady · 21/08/2012 20:57

My 8 year old dgs has pink crocs but I think you were right about the shoes.

5madthings · 21/08/2012 21:00

crocs in pink would be good, or if you have an m&s near you my one had a sale on and they had pink canvas shoes in the sale, as well as silver sparkly ones, the silver ones were £3 a pair! not sure how much the pink canvas ones were but probably similar, would be fine for just playing, the beach etc :)

jellybrain · 21/08/2012 21:03

HAven't read the whole thread but, a number of ds2's friends have had pink and or purple trainers over the last couple of years. They are 12 year olds. His current pair are purple with silver ticks and were described as sick, apparently a complimentGrin when he wore them to the park to play football.

bronze · 21/08/2012 21:05

I wouldn't buy ds pink shoes but I wouldnt buy dd pink shoes either.

LittleMissFlustered · 21/08/2012 21:11

My five year old had pink sparkly sand shoes at that age. Wore them until they disintegrated. He would have had pink 'proper' shoes if he'd wanted, but the only pair in the shop that fitted were brown closed-toe sandals. He was gutted:(

NovackNGood · 21/08/2012 21:13

Does he have hemlines to match or would you have had to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe too?

LostinaPaperCup · 21/08/2012 21:55

Not wanting a boy to wear clothing deemed too 'girly' whilst allowing a girl to wear both feminine and masculine attire only reflects society's view that a boyish girl may be admired but a girlish boy derided.

Because boys are better than girls.

A lesson we should be handing down to children, or something we should encourage children to challenge as soon as possible?

PropertyNightmare · 21/08/2012 22:02

I would not buy my ds pink shoes though I have bought my dd boys' shoes. It's just one of those things. You'll not see anyone bat an eyelid at a Tomboy girl but lots would be ready to taunt and mock a boy who wears girl clothes etc. Nothing wrong with trying to prevent your son attracting negative attention. Yanbu.

Nottigermum · 21/08/2012 22:12

I think you have done the right thing. I have refused to buy specific types of shoes for my boys, because the price is too high vs how often they would wear them. ie some very expensive trainers that they couldn't go to school with or do sports in because they are not actually good quality for what you pay for. I do agree with the suggestion to get him a pair of cheap pink shoes, or alternatively, a nice pair of shoes like these which are practical and a very nice colour! [www.clarks.co.uk/p/20342908]

Nottigermum · 21/08/2012 22:13

www.clarks.co.uk/p/20342908 sorry got the link wrong

Original poster
trigirl2012 · 21/08/2012 22:39

Those only go up to a 5.5 and he's a 6. He is happy now with his red shoes and I will find the size 6 pink wellies as well that were DD's they are in the attic. Plus all of DS1's pink clothes as he had pink phase too at that age too!

OP posts:
LostinaPaperCup · 21/08/2012 23:07

"It's just one of those things"

Yes, but not a good thing. It keeps females discriminated against and homophobia rife.

But yeah, let's all swim with the tide shall we?

exoticfruits · 22/08/2012 07:22

People must have lots of money if they can buy coloured shoes for any child. Black or brown to go with anything is sensible. Then you can get the extras like wellies or beach shoes in any colour. I can remember my mother refusing to let me have white- it didn't scar me for life! There is no reason that DCs should always get what they want.

Mama1980 · 22/08/2012 07:26

If my ds wanted his shoes in pink I would have bought them. I see no issue. He doesn't always just get what he wants but if there were no difference in quality or price then why ever not.

exoticfruits · 22/08/2012 08:32

Because they are not serviceable. I wouldn't get pink shoes for a girl. Pink is something they can eventually buy with their own money-if it is mine it is a dark colour that goes with anything.

5madthings · 22/08/2012 13:18

well they are servicable in that they are shoes and presumably of the same quality etc as non pink shoes, the matching issue is to do with personal preference not serviceability.

ds1 had purple boots as a toddler, they were by elephanten and were goretex so great for all weathers, but they didnt necessarily 'mathc' lots of clothes, but he was 2 and tbh at that age it really doesnt matter if their shoes 'match' their outfit does it?

yes if you are going to a wedding or a posh event you may want their shoes to match but for everyday general wear and playing it doesnt matter.

once they get to school it is an issue, i just got ds4 some new shoes, a pair of geox, they are not black but are very dark coloured. his other shoes were by pepino and are a bright blue with white toe bit, very funky and lovely and soft and lightweight but they would look a bit daft with his school uniform and the ht wouldnt like them, so i got him the geox which he can wear to school but also for playing etc.

i always got brightly coloured shoes for mine as toddlers when possible purely because they cant do that once they are school age.

if you really want shoes to match get the main pair matching i guess, but i dont see the harm in buying a pair of wellies, crocs of some cheap canvas shoes in pink for him to have. but i dont see that 'matching' is that important in a toddlers shoes tbh so would have bought pink as long as they were functional and seemed good quality, similar price to whatever the alternative colour was :)

ouryve · 22/08/2012 13:22

I bought my eldest some £5 pink, sparkly wellies when he was a toddler, but I wouldn't have spent £30-40 on proper pink shoes for him.

5madthings · 22/08/2012 13:24

i am slightly perturbed to be disagreeing with exotic however who is normally the voice of reason on mnet and who i normally post 'what exotic said' after Grin

i can see you point but i dont think in the big scheme of things that toddlers shoes matching is important. i cant say i have ever looked at a toddler thought how terrible it is that their shoes dont match their outfit!

ouryve · 22/08/2012 13:30

I've always been very tomboyish, btw, but wear a lot of pink. Notsomuch pink as PINK!!! I even have some pink crocs and pink vivobarefoot trainers. Even my sensible grey walking shoes have a PINK!!! Nike tick on the side of them.

And I buy very "girly" pink notebooks for my lists because, even though they're not really my style, DS1 is less likely to steal them!

porcamiseria · 22/08/2012 13:32

as said upathread: As liberal and open minded as I like to think I am, I too would have refused to buy my toddler son pink shoes.

PINK STINKS, innit ! Grin

5madthings · 22/08/2012 13:33

i recently bought some very girly pink and flowery socks to stop ds2 using mine as he had been pinching all of mine. when he was little he would wear pink, now he is 10 and generally wont, tho i think he would wear pink football boots as they are all hte rage!

HazleNutt · 22/08/2012 13:38

It's not a question about being serviceable and matching everything though. This was not the reason OP did not want to buy the pink shoes. As you can see from the OP, RED shoes were bought, which are not a "dark colour that goes with everything" either. Just not as "girly".

5madthings · 22/08/2012 13:42

others are saying they wouldnt buy them as they wouldnt match, that is what i am answering.

red probably matches more thank pink tho if you are bothered about matching. mine have all had red geox at some point, they are really nice.

sounds like he will be getting pink hand me down wellies etc anyway so am sure he will be happy :)

exoticfruits · 22/08/2012 16:44

I felt the same 5madthings. Smile

I think that I am carrying on the tradition of the endless rows that I had with my mother in a shoe shop. I never got what I wanted-but as my mother now points out I have very nice shaped feet! My DSs have never had what they wanted either-but they have had sensible serviceable shoes-and endless rows in shoe shops!
Pink shoes are out for any DC as far as I am concerned, but they can have what they like for cheap beach shoes. Or wellies that hand down-I am still wearing DSs cast offs and a great pair of walking boots-it is quite good when their feet get bigger than yours!