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Original poster

To not buy DS2 pink shoes?

130 replies

trigirl2012 · 21/08/2012 00:03

DS2 is 2.5 years old and loves pink mainly as he dotes on DD (aged 8). DS1 went through similar pink phase at same age, and has definitely grown out of it.

Anyway current shoes are red start rite, and when I bought them he refused to try on the other ones that were brought out (various colours, blue brown, black). But was happy when he saw the red shoes and has told everyone he knows - "look at my red shoes".

Current shoes too small and meltdown in shoe shop as wanted pink shoes. While DS1 getting schoool shoes DS2 and DD had gone to look at toddler shoes and come back with a few pink flowery shoes. He totally refused to put his feet into the shoes that were brought out for him in selection of boys colours - blue, brown, black etc. Just said "want pink shoes, no like it blue shoes"

I didn't buy the pink shoes (didn't even let him try them on, even called DH who said definitely not), tears all round him saying he wanted pink shoes, but luckily happy ending as shop assistant found red geox boots that he eventually accepted.

But I would have bought DD as a toddler blue boys shoes had she had a meltdown. And I will let DS2 wear hand me down pink wellies (although equally happy to buy him new wellies if he wants).

So was I reasonable - should I have bought the pink shoes for him?

OP posts:
HazleNutt · 21/08/2012 14:38

I do wonder if the replies would have been different if the OP posted "DS really-really wanted blue shoes, but I said absolutely not and even though he was crying, bought him green ones".

Wowserz129 · 21/08/2012 14:51

So what if people want to conform to society and not buy a boy pink shoes?

Some people are comfortable with there sons wearing pink, some parents aren't! Neither are the better parent!!

I would not buy my son pink shoes because I want him to wear boys colours and that is my choice.

It's so hypocritical for people to judge people who prefer for there sons to not wear pink when they don't want to be judged for letting there son wear pink.

I would much rather support individual parenting and parents parenting the way they see fit than to push parents to not buy into gender stereotypes.

Each to their own.

Sirzy · 21/08/2012 15:12

But wowzers can you not see the issues that come with parents reinforcing gender stereotypes?

If your son wanted to play with a doll would you let him? What about baking cakes?

Pseudo341 · 21/08/2012 15:51

Wowserz - "boys colours" what are boys colours please?

HazleNutt, a good point well made!

sarahtigh · 21/08/2012 15:57

I don't let DD have pink shoes match nothing and a silly colour for shoes girl or boy think red was a good choice though

nokidshere · 21/08/2012 16:00

My 11 year old wanted pink football boots to start secondary school with - they are all the rage - pink is definitly "in" for boys! They didn't fit or he would have had them!

5madthings · 21/08/2012 16:09

NPPF any older child that was mean to a toddler wearing pink shoes should be told off. you said your ds1 was mean to yiur ds3 when he had his nails painted. then he should be told that is not ok!

i have fiur boys aged 13, 10, 7 and 4. my 7 yr old has always been a fan of pink and purple and all things sparkly. we let him get on with it and his brothers dont bat an eyelid. they would never pick on him for it! and if they did they would be told in no uncertain terms it was not ok. ds1 actually had purple shoes as a toddler and we have always haf a doll, toy pushchair, cooker etc that they have all played with. i have never labelled toys etc as boys/girls.

it seems very sad to me that adults will impose gender stereotypes, especially on children who are too young to care.

and the more adults do this, the more they perpetuate a riddiculous gender divide and it will encourage children to develop the attitude that certain things are for boys and not for girls and vice versa.

most little children really dont care, so why teach them otherwise?

Wowserz129 · 21/08/2012 16:22

I class pretty much all colours suitable for boys but I draw the line at pink. Even then I would let ds wear clothes with pink in if they were meant for boys. I just wouldnt let my son wear pink shoes which are made for girls.

I am not suggesting I would be saying to my son no you cannot get those shoes because pink is a girls colour, I would just say something tactful and ask him what other ones he likes. Its not reinforcing gender stereotypes.

Are the parents that would have bought the pink shoes saying that they would let there son wear a pink flowery dress out if he asked for it in a shop so as to not create gender stereotypes?

Pseudo341 · 21/08/2012 16:24

"Are the parents that would have bought the pink shoes saying that they would let there son wear a pink flowery dress out if he asked for it in a shop so as to not create gender stereotypes?"

Can't speak for everyone else but in my case yes.

DizzyBeeisSchoolShoeShopping · 21/08/2012 16:27

When your DS goes to school he will have to have the regulation black shoes so I'd say let him choose when he still can

MixedBerries · 21/08/2012 16:27

Wowserz129 but why shouldn't a boy wear a pink flowery dress out?

5madthings · 21/08/2012 16:28

yep ds3 had a pink silk party dress he wore for ages. then when he outgrew it he chose a purple tutu to replace it along with a new fairy outfit as he had grown out if his tinkerbell one. and yes he wears them, even out and about. he tends to wear the tutu with a pair of jeans it looks quite funky actually!

Krumbum · 21/08/2012 16:30

If he likes them then whats the issue? They do the job of being shoes! I would have bought them for him. I cant understand why you didn't?

Krumbum · 21/08/2012 16:32

Wowzer but not allowing pink you are reinforcing gender stereotypes even if you don't directly say it to him.

MixedBerries · 21/08/2012 16:34

If more little boys grew up to be like Grayson Perry I for one think the world would be a better place! In the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter what colour or gender clothes anyone wears.

Wowserz129 · 21/08/2012 16:36

This is the point I am not saying people should not let there sons go out dressed in girly clothes or wear pink shoes. I am saying that there are some very judgemental comments on here about parents which would not have bought the pink shoes and I am saying that its each to their own. I personally believe that whether you let ds wear pink or you dont it does not make you the better or worse parent. In the scheme of things its not that big a deal to ask ds what others shoes he likes or to buy the pink shoes!! Its each to their own!

Krumbum · 21/08/2012 16:42

Wowzer you arnt your son though. He has his own mind and you are trying to influence his choices by making pink not an option. It's not each to their own because the child isn't allowed that freedom because of gender stereotypes ingrained in the parent.
It matters because from an early age in encourages us to believe in gender roles, women do these things and men do these different things. And should we not be bringing up our children to believe that everyone is free to be whoever they want to be and that their genitalia should not restrict them in any way?

LadyOfTheFlowers · 21/08/2012 16:45

DS3 is 3 and DD is 2.
Recently, I have been sticking old outgrown boys clothes on DD to go out in the garden or pop to the shop but when DS has asked to wear DDs I have said no.

Wowserz129 · 21/08/2012 16:50

My son is allowed to have freedom to be who he wants to be. He plays with whatever he chooses. I would never say no you are not allowed to play with dolls or bake ... He has other things that he enjoys which might be put into the girl stereotype. I am saying I would not have bought the pink shoes. That doesnt mean he is going to grow up with this massive gender stereotype.

The OP son found other red cool shoes that he liked so I do not think the OP needs people saying FFS this, FFS that. It is not that big a deal.

DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 21/08/2012 16:54

I feel very conflicted reading this.

DS is not quite 8 months and if, when he was older, he asked for a toy pushchair or dollies, I would buy them without a moment of hesitation.

However, if he wanted shoes/clothes that were in the girls section of the shop, I wouldn't buy them. To me, it would be like DP coming home in a pair of sparkly heels, it just wouldn't look right.

Krumbum · 21/08/2012 16:54

It may not be to you but it is to society. It pigeon holes us avd continues gender roles into the next generation.

Krumbum · 21/08/2012 16:55

It's funny how your liberal enough for a doll but pink and sparkles well that's pushing it. It's all just clothes!

Wowserz129 · 21/08/2012 16:58

Well i am afraid I am going to agree to disagree. I dont believe the OP not buying pink shoes for her son when he is 2 is going to make him grow into someone who is very gender stereotypical.

GragPop · 21/08/2012 17:06

Those pink shoes could make or break his whole personality.

I dont really get the whole ''Hes 2 if he wants something, he should get it''. My son wants to be the dog, should I start buying fuzzy felt?

SoleSource · 21/08/2012 18:56

Buy him pink shoes. Some really cheap ones from Shoezone.

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