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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not buy DS2 pink shoes?

130 replies

trigirl2012 · 21/08/2012 00:03

DS2 is 2.5 years old and loves pink mainly as he dotes on DD (aged 8). DS1 went through similar pink phase at same age, and has definitely grown out of it.

Anyway current shoes are red start rite, and when I bought them he refused to try on the other ones that were brought out (various colours, blue brown, black). But was happy when he saw the red shoes and has told everyone he knows - "look at my red shoes".

Current shoes too small and meltdown in shoe shop as wanted pink shoes. While DS1 getting schoool shoes DS2 and DD had gone to look at toddler shoes and come back with a few pink flowery shoes. He totally refused to put his feet into the shoes that were brought out for him in selection of boys colours - blue, brown, black etc. Just said "want pink shoes, no like it blue shoes"

I didn't buy the pink shoes (didn't even let him try them on, even called DH who said definitely not), tears all round him saying he wanted pink shoes, but luckily happy ending as shop assistant found red geox boots that he eventually accepted.

But I would have bought DD as a toddler blue boys shoes had she had a meltdown. And I will let DS2 wear hand me down pink wellies (although equally happy to buy him new wellies if he wants).

So was I reasonable - should I have bought the pink shoes for him?

OP posts:
CailinDana · 21/08/2012 08:34

NPPF - would the children you know seriously laugh and taunt a 2 year old? The children my DS (nearly 2) hangs out with wouldn't notice his shoes at all. And even if they did I don't see why they would bother commenting, they have better things to think about than tormenting others.

Rosebud05 · 21/08/2012 08:40

Hmm, I have a ds who dotes on his big sister too and I get where you're coming from.

My instinct is that I wouldn't have bought them either (I'd buy both of them red Geox boots in preference to pink shoes tbh). When I ponder this, it's because shoes are pricey and to be worn every day for some months. I have bought ds a pink sparkly bag or other piece of tat from a charity shop without a second thought, and dressed him in his dd's cast off flowery trousers, but coughing up £££££££ for a pair of shoes he may go off in a couple of weeks is different somehow.

ProPerformer · 21/08/2012 08:49

My DS (3) has loads of pink stuff, though actually he has no pink clothes other than socks, but more by chance than anything else. He has got a p
pair of girls jeans with small white em trousered flowers on them though - he saw them in a charity shop for £1 and really wanted them so I thought why not? He LOVES them and wears them to Nursary loads and they don't bat an eyelid. Mind you at his nursery one of their 'policies' is not to enforce gender stereotypes on the kids, all the boys play with the dolls and many of them dress up in the princess dresses etc and the girls all play in the construction area and with the cars.

As for pink shoes..... Well I always let DS pick his own shoes cos he'll be the one to wear them, however I am sensible with this. I get the shop assistant to bring out a large selection for DS to try on (he loves trying on shoes so he doesn't mind) then choose the 2 or 3 pairs that fit best and let him decide between them. If only one pair fits then I explain that to him and he has that pair whatever - however we've only had that once so far and luckily he loved them so no issue. I would be wary of him getting pink shoes though, but like others have said more for the issue of 'going with clothing' etc..... But if he really wanted pink I'd say to him "Well we'll get X pair of boys shoes from here then go to the cheap shop for some pink ones for playing in." (He did have pink slippers for Nursary once.

Besides, years and years ago pink was originally a BOYS colour anyway - I think it was only on Victorian times or even later that it became a girls colour.

Crosshair · 21/08/2012 08:56

Nope, I dont think pink shoes would go with any of his current clothes.

Noqontrol · 21/08/2012 09:02

I don't think other kids would laugh at a 2 yr old. My 2 year old ds wears his sisters pink sandals that she's grown out of. He loves them. I've never noticed anyone laughing at him.

ProPerformer · 21/08/2012 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProPerformer · 21/08/2012 09:06

Oops sorry!!! Meant to post that on another thread but my stupid phone played up!!
An reporting my own post to get it removed! Sorry Blush

Pseudo341 · 21/08/2012 10:05

Pink shoes will turn him gay!

Seriously, what exactly do you think is going to happen if you buy him pink shoes? How do you explain to your DS that his sister is allowed to have pink shoes but he isn't? "you have a penis and therefore cannot wear pink!" It's just a colour FFS, save your laying down the law for something that actually matters.

My 2yo DD had dinosaur sandals from the "boys" section in Clarks that ruin the look of every party dress but she chose them and she loves them so who cares.

InkyBinky · 21/08/2012 10:27

My DS's went through a stage of having pink underwear and socks damn that red teeshirt in the whites wash (It didn't make them gay.) Shock

I still wouldn't buy the pink shoes though as they are too odd and too girly. still waiting to be shot

I am agreeing with worras first post

NPPF · 21/08/2012 11:34

cailindana I doubt a 2 year old would laugh but perhaps older kids that he might mix with would.

Shoes are just way too expensive to take the risk.

Anyway, they would just look weird!

I let DS1 paint his nails when he was at nursery which was fine because you can easily remove nail varnish but when DS3 painted his nails recently DS1 went crazy with him and made him really upset about it.

Ephiny · 21/08/2012 11:40

I don't see the harm in a 2 year old having any colour of shoes Confused. Personally I wouldn't notice or remotely care what a small child has on their feet.

Probably not ideal to give in to a toddler's demands just because they have a 'meltdown' though. In the end he's 2 years old, so he gets and wears what you say he does. (in theory anyway :))

Ephiny · 21/08/2012 11:41

But having said that - did you say he could choose the colour, then change your mind when he chose one you didn't like?

HazleNutt · 21/08/2012 11:45

It's just a colour, yes I would have bought the shoes. If in any way possible I would prefer not to tell children that "No, you can't wear/do/be ... because you are a boy/girl"

NameChangeGalore · 21/08/2012 12:09

A 2.5 year old wants pink shoes. Parents don't want him to wear pink shoes. Who is in charge? Parents or toddler?

You should have just got him the blue ones and told him tough shit. Honestly, toddlers crying over what colour shoes they want, is just wrong.

MixedBerries · 21/08/2012 12:12

YANBU but I think it's an interesting issue. Why is it that it's ok in the majority of parents' eyes for girls to wear blue and be tomboyish wheras it's generally not ok for boys to wear pink and act girlishly? There was a good article on this recently... www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/magazine/whats-so-bad-about-a-boy-who-wants-to-wear-a-dress.html?pagewanted=all

Pseudo341 · 21/08/2012 12:27

Good article.

yellowraincoat · 21/08/2012 12:32

It's interesting. The people who are saying they wouldn't buy the pink shoes, what are your reasons?

Viviennemary · 21/08/2012 12:33

Can't think why but when I first read this I thought it was your DD that you wouldn't buy pink shoes for. And I thought ah what a shame.

But I wouldn't buy a DS pink shoes either. Certainly not girly ones with flowers. But could you not get some trainers or something with a splash of pink. I know gender stereotyping. It's so inbuilt but it's there.

SirBoobAlot · 21/08/2012 12:39

Yes, I think you were unreasonable. Christ pink is just a colour. DS is 2.8 and also loves pink. He's currently running around in pink minnie mouse pajamas, and has pink "dancing shoes".

What do you think pink will do to him? Might he catch The Gay? Shock

I hate this whole "conform and like THIS colour because you are THIS gender" bollocks we have in our society.

Tiago · 21/08/2012 12:42

It's just a colour and he's a toddler. I would have let him have pink.

FredFredGeorge · 21/08/2012 12:51

I'd say it's one of the few things where a 2 year old can genuinely have a choice without any consequences. Not a good idea to let them choose knives to play with, not a good idea to let them choose running next to main roads, not a good idea to let them choose everything they're going to eat.

But what the colour of the shoes they wear, totally harmless, so a good place to give them control and start learning about it.

KatoPotato · 21/08/2012 13:09

But would they 'go' with anything? - Probably not, hence the only reason I wouldn't get them!

comelywench · 21/08/2012 13:17

It's strange, I wouldn't let me DS buy pink Mary Janes, but I'd be happy to let him have pink converses.

I think at 2 I'd like to retain some control, they're just too young IMO to handle complete free choice all the time, in life there will be some restrictions. If he still wanted them at 5 I'd reconsider.

I've enjoyed this thread, tho and especially the article linked. My sis always wanted to wear "boy" clothes and be a boy when she was a child. My parents allowed it and she grew out of it. It was interesting to read about family's who allowed it and the child didn't grow out of it.

At the end of the day I'm all for encouraging genderfluidity, but sometimes with toddlers it can be about power and boundaries rather than an actual preference IYSWIM. Or maybe that's just my little Darling!

Pseudo341 · 21/08/2012 13:48

I'm amused at the number of people who are worried about whether or not the shoes go with the clothes, why does it matter on a 2 year old? DD's dinosaur sandals go with nothing but she lives in them anyway. I make a vague effort to match top to bottom when picking her clothes in the morning but by the end of the day she's often had to change at least one half anyway. Provided they're practical (I have had trouble explaining that dinosaur sandals aren't suitable for jumping up and down in muddy puddles) it really doesn't matter what clothes or shoes she wears. For what it's worth DD's proper shoes are bright pink because they were they only ones the shop happened to have in stock in her size and they don't go with any of her clothes either.

comelywench, I don't see how letting them choose the colour of their shoes equates to "complete free choice all the time", surely it's one of the few areas they can have free choice without any major implications.

ProPerformer · 21/08/2012 14:17

Oh also, my DS has 'girls' wellies (Purple with pink, pastel green and yellow spots)