to be a little suspicious of landlord MIL.

[SmellsLikeTeenStrop]

Sorry, this is long.

DH and I rent from my MIL. She bought the house for DH before we met and there was always the understanding that when he had a steady income that would enable him to take on a mortgage she would let him buy the house at the same price she paid for it.

This was over 10 years ago, DH and I live here with our DCs and we're now in a position where we can buy the house, but now the plan seems to have changed. MIL is very cagey when we try and talk to her about buying the house. In the past she's said she'll 'be fair' when it comes to selling the house, but she's also said that for various reasons it would be impossible to sell the house to us for anything less than full market value. We've been told that the rent barely covers the mortgage and insurance, but we've also been told that she relies on our rent as her main source of income.

The last discussion we had she was pushing towards us not buying the house but instead having our names added to the mortgage and taking over the mortgage payments. I asked her how much the mortgage was and she claimed not to remember.

She's not been the best landlord in the world, she's made no effort to update the house at all. We can't have the boiler serviced because it's so old there are no parts available for it - but she can't replace the boiler as she has no money. The house is in massive need of updating, the kitchen is at least 30 years old, ditto the bathroom. The windows we're fighting a losing battle with, we sand them down and paint them every other year but they're deteriorating more and more.

For a house we're merely renting, it's not suitable for us any more. We're expecting another DC soon and we're a bit squished as it is. If we owned the house DH and I would hang on here a bit longer to improve the house and hopefully get it to a point where we can sell it on at market value and use the equity for a bigger home. Alternatively we could extend and/or add a loft conversion. MIL is aware that this is what we want to do and has said that this would be fine, but that was when we weren't in a position where we could actually buy the house.

If she won't sell us this house than the only real alternative is for us to move out. I won't hang on renting a house that is too small for us, especially with all the issues we're having with it. Us moving out would either force MIL to sell, or to invest a few thousand in to the property before she could get new tenants in. Given the amount of work the house needs, I can't imagine it would sell very quickly unless she sold it very cheaply.

So, after this huge wall of text. AIBU to be suspicious of MIL and WIBU to expect her to honour the promise she made to DH but if that really is impossible for her, to give us a mahoosive discount to take in to account the years of rental we've been paying, plus the huge amount of money we'll need to invest in the house?

*felt so alone

You will not be able to transfer a mortgage from one name to another so don't let her talk you into anything with that as an incentive. DB is getting divorced and to take his wife's name off the mortgage he has to apply for a new one and he is one of the names already on it.

I'm so sorry for your situation, can't really say anything about the situation with mil that others haven't already said far better than I could.

But on the 6 months rent thing - when we bought our house the chain was as short as it could be - we weren't selling, the sellers weren't buying so only 1 house involved. It still took 5 months to get us moved in what with mortgage and solicitors etc. add in a month for you to go house hunting and you've easily made your 6 month minimum.

Good luck op

Once she has gone, go have a good long talk with your dh about how he just made you feel. Not her, him.

And listen to him. Standing up to a parent is bloody hard, particularly when they've manipulated you all your life and trained you to respond as they want. It is very very hard to get beyond the fear, the guilt, and the sense of obligation.

And then plan your escape, preferably together!

Sorry to hear it went pear shaped, and that your lame pathetic husband has decided to side with her.

Can you report her to the council health and safety yourself?

And do not take any financial advice from a woman that has screwed up her own finances, by the sounds of it, so fabulously herself.

So now you need to tear a strip off dh. Remind him of the things you'd agreed, and get the plans polished up so they can start being pursued tomorrow.

It seems you are not the only tenant with a parent as landlord, who is refusing to replace a boiler. You may find some of the advice on this thread useful

OP sorry things are not getting any better. You can get rolling month by month rental contracts - if you contact a letting agency that covers your area and specify your needs they might be able to rustle something up. If they have any empty properties that they are struggling to let, the owner might rather have someone in even on a short term basis rather that sit empty. You can only ask, I'm sure many agencies have some properties that are suitable for your needs.

Hi Op, I've been lurking. This is such a shit situation for you - I HATE emotional blackmail, gets right on my wick.

We rent and I really, honestly think that six months will go in a flash, much more than you think. New baby + Christmas in the middle of it + slowing market - how many weekends of house viewings are we even looking at there, in real terms? I don't know where you live but our experience in a supposedly buoyant part of the country suggests there just isn't that much coming on to the market at all. It could easily take you a couple of months to find somewhere suitable, never mind go through the buying process. (Unless you've seen somewhere on the internet you really like...?)

Hope you work it out with your DH.

Alternatively, you can rent a property and negotiate a 6 months break clause. This gives you the flexibility to stay longer if you dont find a property you want to buy.

[[http://www.mypropertyguide.co.uk/articles/display/10040/the-tenancy-agreement.htm assured short hold tenancy with a 6 month break clause]

Sorry again:

assured short hold tenancy with a 6 month break clause

I think that's pretty much the norm isn't it, Quintessentially? All the contracts I've ever been on default to a month-by-month rolling system at six months and I've never had to sign a new six month contract at that point. But at the same time we could have left this place at six months on the dot if we'd give notice at four months. So it really doesn't work out at being very long at all. In fact I'm sure that is part of what isn't appealing for the OP, the fact that you'll almost be packing again as soon as you've unpacked - but then set against the alternative...

It might be the norm, we had a 12 months fixed term without break clause when we were renting, and that is what our own tenants had.

I am just pointing out to the op that she does not need to look for a short let, just a contract with a break clause.

urgh, sorry you were do unsupported by your dh

Hope you've made some positive progress with him since then.

Just to let you know, we bought this house in October 2009 - but we first viewed it in April 2009. we had no chain, had our mortgage in place before viewing this one, we were renting a place with a 1 month rolling contract, we techincally could move after a month. 6 months is really about right considering you haven't got a mortgage in place - it might take you longer.

Just delurking to say a couple of things about the mortgage.

Viperidae has said above that changing names on the existing mortgage isn't likely to be possible - I think that's right but you could check this out when you go to see your own mortgage adviser - this could give DH some external amunition to help him stand up to his DM. I believe that if you applied to be added to MIL's mortgage the mortgage lender would treat it as a new application by the three of you rather than simply adding your names to the existing debt.

As a new mortgage application, they'd expect the title to match the mortgage so the property would have to go into your joint names with MIL. I think the only time this wouldn't happen is if she was asking you to be guarantors of her mortgage - ie, promising the mortgage lenders that she won't default and if she does that you will pay instead. Guarantors are normally required at the start of a mortgage deal rather than in the middle of it.

SmellsLike, you asked above how a remortgage would work. I think there's a few things this could be.

Obviously, when MIL bought the property she took out a mortgage with a bank or building society. At some point you believe she has remortgaged. This could mean that she found a better deal with a different bank and swapped the mortgage to them - without taking extra money out. Or, she could have found a better deal with bank number 2 and decided also to make the mortgage bigger, perhaps based on an increase in value of the property since it was first bought. Either way, the mortgage with bank 2 would replace the mortgage with bank 1.

Alternatively, she could have stayed with bank 1, perhaps moving to a better deal with bank 1, but also taking further money. This could be a remortgage (moving to a better deal with bank 1) or it could be a "further advance" with bank 1. A further advance is a seperate loan but with the same organisation, and probably secured by the same charge against the property. But they would probably send seperate statements for the further advance and treat it as a seperate loan for administrative purposes. Just something to watch out for if she did show you mortgage statements - there's no guarantee she's showing you the whole of the debt because further advances may be recorded seperately.

You can check who the current mortgage is with (and whether there's more than one) by getting the Land Registry records for your property from their website. It costs about £4 to get a copy of the register which will show you who the owner is, and what charges (mortgages) are registered against the title. It won't tell you how much the debt is though.

Hope this info helps, and I also hope you manage to find a new home with working boiler soon!

Ok, that does make me feel better about renting a new place for a further 6 months or however long it takes.

I have looked at rental properties, we're looking to stay in this area because of the relative cheapness of rent.

DH apparently didnt' mean to give the impression we were willing to pay for repairs. That's his mistake to sort out, I'm going to get on with moving plans and DH can sort out his own mother.

In answer to a question you raised before - if you have a mortgage with a company and then move house, some will allow you to take the mortgage with you - my Mum and I did this when she moved a couple of years ago. Not all will though, you need to read the small print and ask this question to be sure.

Sorry to see it didn't go well. You're right, leave him to sort out his mother wih strict instructions of what he can and can't agree to.

Good Luck.

I also hope he is eating humble pie and needs to be told that you expect him to stand up for you.

Sorry to hear it went badly, though I guess that was to be expected under the circumstances.

I would try to avoid giving your DH too much of a hard time. He has been weak and has let you down, and you are right to be pissed off with him, but it can be so hard to deal with a manipulative parent. He will have been manipulated by her since childhood and they - like all long-term relationships - will have a set way of interacting with each other that is very hard to break. This is not to absolve him of responsibility - he should have tried harder - but just standing up to her in the face of her manipulation will probably be something that is next to impossible for him if he's never done this before. I'm sure it's not a question of him choosing which of you he is going to support in the face-to-face discussion, but rather a question of him slipping into old routines and ways of interacting.

I think it is so important for your own well-being that you are a united front on this. You need to discuss with him not just the practical steps you need to take to get out of this, but also how this is going to be resolved given the fact that it is really hard for him to be blunt with his mother, and not fair for you to have to carry the whole weight of doing that. Maybe sending a letter would be easier for him? If he will not stand up to her to the point of not taking the necessary steps to get you out of there then of course you will have to do it alone, but I really hope this will not be necessary. I think you should be looking at this as not just the two of you extracting your family from this housing situation, but also of extracting your husband from this difficult relationship with his mother (obviously not extracting him from that completely, but from the submissive role he seems to play).

I would tell him he has let you down, that you are pissed off and that he needs to man up; but also that you understand that this is a horrible situation for him to be in, that it is hard for him to defy his mother, and that you will find a way through this together.

You seem to be holding it together really well and I'm sure that you will soon be clear of this.

I would not get involved with her at all. If she is in debt and owns your house it could get repoed and you could be homeless. I would move out asap and call MIL tonight to give notice and take her writen notice in the morning.

Do not put any money in a house that is not yours.

In answer to the boiler reply tell her how she lives is up to her but as your landlord she has legal reponsabilities to uphold or be procacuted.

But forget it. Move out asap. You need to protect your family not her ffs.

Even if she went bankrupt its not the end of the world and she would still have a state pension. Do not give her any more of your money.